Thursday, June 22, 2006

Dear Bed,

Since I have been back from Oregon I have slept in you twice. Neither night has been restful. You have done your very best to preclude me from entering your soft refuge of shedded feathers of fowl and I'm left questioning why?

Have I done something to offend you?

Are you taking out your anger in a passive-aggressive (non)statement?

It seems that way to me.

Every night I fall asleep on my back with my hands folded serenely over my torso. Every night, that is, until I got back from my trip. Now when I flop in bed I am immediately impelled to turn over onto my stomach. I never sleep on my stomach. I don't like sleeping on my stomach.

Anyway, I think your behavior is childish.

If you have a problem with me you have to tell me.

I'm not a mind reader here.

I hate to throw around ultimatums, but if you don't allow me into your cool cocoon of comfort tonight I'm going to target to get new sheets.

Don't tempt me because I will do it.




dävid said...

from bed:

"maybe if you took of those suffocating plastic sheets you use to battle incontinence we can talk. until then, no deal."

don't shoot the messenger...

Anonymous said...

I think the bed holds the cards here as he probably would throw down the spade of letting you sleep on the floor.

The addage, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you ..." comes to mind.


Katie said...

My response to my bed,

I thought you liked the plastic. You told me it made you feel all "out at a disco"? I even got the tight, red, sparkly pleather you threw a fit over in the store.

Why is this aversion coming out now? I wish you'd just be honest with me instead of just telling me what I want to hear.



jordan said...

We have the Target 400 count sheets and the fancy Pottery Barn ones and we like the Target ones way better.

I think you should get the sheets. The bed is never going to change and it isn't fair for you to expect him to.