Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Taking minutes to breathe

I've never been really good at relaxing. My whole life has felt like I'm being driven, driven, driven to suceed; and not necessarily suceed by my own definition. Recently I've felt like I'm being driven but as I turn to glance behind me to see who is pushing so hard, I'm surprised to see no one there.

Once again I am thrown back onto the never ending mobius strip of self evaluation. Rethinking my choices, beliefs, and self image always seems to engross most of my spare minutes.

I pause from my self-imposed driving long enough to look around. I pick up my eyes and make sure that the goal I'm driving towards holds more for me than just more driving. I remember that I'm not here just for the driving, but for the goal.

The goal.

The thing that makes the driving not a grueling pointless effort, but rather a refining processes. A way to strengthen my muscels and resolve. A method to shape and mold me into a greater person than a life without the driving could produce.

And for that I tuck my head back down, pick up the plow and move on. But this time, with direction.

1 comment:

jasmine said...

What a great way to put it. I think this is a process that we all go through. Though I must admit there are times when I really just want to keep my hed down. Then there are others, when I realize that my goal isn't as far as I thought....those are the blessed moments of relief. As for the others...just push through. Alot of prayer, alot of pondering and a lot of scripture reading. Learning to live and let live is something that I have yet to fully embrace.