Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Dear Joey,

I recently heard about your defeat and wanted to send you my most sincere condolences. I am very proud of your efforts and think that you should have won this last weekend.

There is only one thing that I really truly look forward to watching on ESPN, but this year the event carried with it a sting of betrayal. No, I'm not talking about the scandal of the tour de France-cyclist-blood-doping fiasco. I'm talking about the ridiculous outrage that I experienced when I discovered that you were ROBBED of that beauty of all beauties.... the coveted mustard yellow belt given to the champion of the annual Nathan's hot dog eating competition on Coney Island.

For the last couple of years I have witnessed the amazing eating prowess of your Japanese competitor, Takeru Kobayashi. I was amazed that he ate with the speed and skill of a trained samurai. No one even came close to his abilities.

However, this year there was one man who rose out of the ranks of obscurity to truly challenge Kobayashi's kung-foo grip on the competition.

An American.

You, Joey Chestnut, were the common man I could get behind. The shy, quiet, every-man engineer that I could relate to. Reviving the American spirit for the 4th of July and reminding us all of why we are who we are. Why we do what we do. You were the clear victor.

Sure, Kobayashi ate more dogs than you did. I'll admit that all the live long day. However, it was a clear as the lemonade you used to soak your bun and slide it down your throat that he should be disqualified. He broke one of the cardinal rules of the sport. He should be disgraced, disbarred and dismembered for accepting the victory.

He vomited a bit of his 49th dog back into his lemonade cup.

Granted, he did slurp it back down and continue on but I do not agree with the official line the judges are trying to spin. Who on earth could buy this trash:

"The effluvia never touched the table," Kuntzman said, a distinction he claimed was part of the International Federation of Competitive Eating's official rules. "When the hot dog came up, and some of it came out his nose, Kobayashi sucked it back down. To me, that's the testament of a champion and great athlete."

Joey, don't let this set back dissuade you from your true calling in competitive eating. You are a true athlete who will rise again. You have my support.




girl from florida said...

Oh my gosh. Ew.

You should seriously send him this letter though.

Hello. said...

I, on behalf of all Japanese, feel it is my duty, to publically disgrace YOU, Miss Timothy, for challenging the honor of our countryman.

Of course, I am only Japanese by marriage, so your off the hook this time.