Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Vital tools

I was racing through the mall during my lunch break and happened to see this little gem prominently displayed in the Williams-Sonoma window:

In case you can't tell what it is, it's a baking sheet with individual circular wells that are about 1/4 inch deep, intended to help you make perfectly round cookies for whoopie pies.

And it initiated the following sequence of thoughts in my head:

You've got to be kidding me! Who would ever buy such a lame stupid kitchen tool? Who on God's green earth has one extra little slot in their kitchen cabinetry to house such a trendy single-use instrument? What would it be like to have a kitchen so big and spacious that picking up this silly little baking pan would seem like a good idea? What would it be like to have a kitchen at all? I'm never going to have a kitchen life will be filled from now on with greasy take out food. Going out to dinner will never again be a luxury that I look forward to. Instead it is a pain that takes time out of my day and forces my little dog to spend way more time locked up in his crate. Because we can't let him out just in case he decides to dump again on our bare, exposed sub floor of the room that formerly was known as the kitchen but is now only a symbol of the overwhelmingly oppressive existence that is known as MY LIFE!!!!!!

It was at this point that my brain exploded.

Which is really kind of convenient because I will now be fed directly into my stomach with a tube and have no need for cooking or a kitchen whatsoever.


Mindy said...

This is hilarious. I'm feel bad for laughing at your pain. Especially since I am sitting here thinking about my mom's awesome kitchen that my dad designed for her. She has vertical slots above her extra freezer space (inside the kitchen) that have AMPLE space for a pan like this. Man, I would love to own her kitchen.

Your kitchen WILL be done some day. And then you'll probably think, "Gee, it would be nice not to cook dinner tonight. Let's go out!"

coryp said...

I want you to know that I had to google "Whoopie Pies"... I seem to have missed out on that during my life.

dad said...

I am going to buy on of those cookie pans so I acn bake Whoopie pies while sitting on my Whoopie cushion.