Vital tools

I was racing through the mall during my lunch break and happened to see this little gem prominently displayed in the Williams-Sonoma window:

In case you can't tell what it is, it's a baking sheet with individual circular wells that are about 1/4 inch deep, intended to help you make perfectly round cookies for whoopie pies.

And it initiated the following sequence of thoughts in my head:

You've got to be kidding me! Who would ever buy such a lame stupid kitchen tool? Who on God's green earth has one extra little slot in their kitchen cabinetry to house such a trendy single-use instrument? What would it be like to have a kitchen so big and spacious that picking up this silly little baking pan would seem like a good idea? What would it be like to have a kitchen at all? I'm never going to have a kitchen again....my life will be filled from now on with greasy take out food. Going out to dinner will never again be a luxury that I look forward to. Instead it is a pain that takes time out of my day and forces my little dog to spend way more time locked up in his crate. Because we can't let him out just in case he decides to dump again on our bare, exposed sub floor of the room that formerly was known as the kitchen but is now only a symbol of the overwhelmingly oppressive existence that is known as MY LIFE!!!!!!

It was at this point that my brain exploded.

Which is really kind of convenient because I will now be fed directly into my stomach with a tube and have no need for cooking or a kitchen whatsoever.