Internal gangrene

This morning I was thinking about my friend.

We'll call him Coop for anonymity.

Coop is awesome. Lately I've been kind of ignoring him and while I was blowing my hair dry, a thought crossed my mind. I wonder if Coop is annoyed/mad at me for not calling or speaking to him in probably 2 months?

Immediately I put that thought out of my head because Coop is the kind of person who never gets hurt. He can let anything go. In the past 4 years I've known him I don't think I've ever seen him let someone else's carelessness or thoughtlessness get to him. The result is that he is always happy, low key, and SO much fun to be around.

It got me thinking.....

Why are some people just able to let everything go and other let things fester?

The polar opposite to Coop would be me, during college. I made a friend there who had a profound effect on me which still lingers this day.

When I first met her I found her was hilarious. She had a sarcastic side that just cracked me up.

Over the three years that I knew her there were a few times where she was scathingly mad at me. Even after I apologized profusely, and she said it was ok, it just wasn't. I was unable to sincerely ask for forgiveness. Because she felt the insincerity in my request, it was hard for her to acquiesce. There would always be a lingering coldness between us.

As a result of this tension that I created, I was not a very happy person. I felt like all of my friends were mean, selfish, and cruel. I was ready to launch into a full fledged fight with someone over nothing because I wasn't over the harsh feelings I had from the last argument. Everything built on the past misunderstandings. The festering grew exponentially because I never gave it a chance to air out. When I graduated I realized that it really wasn't the fault of everyone else, it was mine.

Over the past 2 years I've made significant effort to move closer to Coop. The result is that I am happier and a way better friend. Now I see that I can never spend my life with someone who is unable to truly forgive and forget my mistakes. I will undoubtedly mess up. I'm not perfect and it is inevitable.


PS I am truly sorry to anyone whose feelings I hurt in writing this post. My intention was to demonstrate my personal progress and goals, not defame anyone on the internet. Just as I see the growth in myself, I realize that others grow and change. I am happy to recognize that change in anyone.