Friday, August 28, 2009

$1.42 down the drain

The biggest difference I experienced when I married the ear doctor came as a total shock. One day I was fine with him leaving, driving all over town, never checking in and the next I wasn't. Suddenly I was concerned about his safety at all times, in all places, and in all things.

After our wedded union I found that the first thought that entered my mind after our apartment door shut behind me was, "will I ever see him again?" or "what will I do if he dies today?" or "is my number his emergency contact in his cell phone...just in case the EMTs need to call me quickly."

Cheery, I know.

And I think it was because I knew that we were in this life together, for the long haul.

Which is probably why as I drove down to Chipotle for lunch today I wasn't really annoyed at the throngs of people slowing the flow of traffic to a pathetic ebb. They were dressed head to toe in pink, walking for courage, walking for strength, walking for people affected by breast cancer. Some were in tutus and most had bright pink energizer bunny ears on their heads. And seeing how happy and motivated these people were made me smile from ear to ear.

Until the portly fellow walking all alone passed by my front bumper carrying a flag that he'd made that read, "in loving memory of my wife."

It gripped me.

Even as I pulled up to the restaurant and stood in line it had me thinking about grief and loss. A bit emotional, I placed my order for my delicious chicken burrito and waited. The young guy in front of me spoke Spanish to the cashier, and, as a result earned himself a free soda.

It was just too much for my little heart to take.

Not only was I terrified and filled with grief at the thought of loosing my ear doctor, but annoyed that if he'd been there to spout off my order in his perfect fluent Spanish I'd be getting my diet coke for FREE today.


Foxywedding said...

Hello! I have been lurking about...but this post totally spoke to me. I have been married for 5 years and I still have that little worried feeling about my sweetie! When he leaves for work on the metro, when he runs was nice to know I was not the only one with random sad thoughts like that.

Megs said...

Beautifully put. With the nice touch of humor so it wasn't a complete downer. Thinking about death has always scared me.

Next time you'll have to say "yo quiero Coca-cola for free, como him." See how it goes.

MrsEm said...

I experienced the exact same shift after getting married. Made worse by the fact we spent our honeymoon hiking on steep cliffs near waterfalls. Poor Rob, I couldn't stop fretting about his safetly.

PS: "Hola amigo. Coca-cola gratis, por favor"

heather said...

:-( and :-)

dad said...

I had those same feelings this weekend. Sitting in our house alone with your mother away from me makes my heart shrink into a little lump of abandonment. I can hardly wait until Tuesday.