Ever heard of that "Languages of Love" book? I borrowed it from my friend James about 5 years ago and just couldn't bring myself to read it all the way through. After reading the first chapter it just seemed too self-helpish for me.
Anyway, what I did get out of the book was the main tenets of the theory (I think).
The author stated that there are 5 different ways that people show and recieve affection.
After at least 5 minutes of thought I think I've determined my own "Language of Love." I think I am tokens of affection.
Normally this wouldn't cause me any concern, let alone enough to write a post about, but a comment left me on my previous post made me stop and think. Is it shallow of me to feel loved through the recieving of physical tokens? Does that make me some kind of Tiffany's bracelet craving, superficial girlfriend?
Who is to say that recieving a note or little gift is a lesser method of expressing affection than wanting to be around someone or telling them you love them?
Because really, for me, when the ear doctor leaves a little treat or surprise on my bed or under my windshield wiper it is just as good or almost better than when we sit on the couch and cuddle. It means that he was thinking of me, even when we weren't together.
And that means a lot to me.
Monday, February 20, 2006
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5 comments:
I meant to tell you, your VDay post inspired this post: http://searchpattern.blogspot.com/2006/02/humanities.html
Hope you don't mind. LOL!!
I don't think it's bad of you to feel loved through presents. That's just how some people are. It's not like you need a Tiffany's bracelet to feel loved, you just need something--like honey roasted peanuts.
It's okay. It seems it is not the gifts you love as much as the thought behind them.
If you are a token giver as well, you understand the fun of seeing something you know the other person will get a kick out of... and that's the fun of buying it and giving it.
As the reciever... you appreciate that the person you love recognizes that some small gift will please you or brighten your day. That they are indeed thinking of you when they are away from you. (the best part of a relationship) and that they just want to please you if even for a brief moment.
As long as you savor the action more than the gift, you have nothing to be concerned about.
One of the sweetest gifts I recieved from a boyfriend was on a non-occasion. We saw Toy Story 2 together, and I was really tickled by Bullseye, the horse. (Yes, we were both adults at the time!)
One night my boyfriend came over and told me to fish in his coat pocket for a surprise. I felt the strangest shape and was delighted when I drew out a toy Bullseye. Boyfriend told me he took it out of the packaging and spent a good hour posing the horse to replicate the scene that tickled me... when his saddle falls off and he covers his privates with his front hooves!
I had that horse on my nightstand for years after we broke up... I finally retired it a year or two ago.
It wasn't so much the cute toy that had meaning for me... but the time he spent posing the horse, to cover itself and stand alone. I know he had to be cursing it at some point... but he also knew that he would get a good reaction from me... and that's why he did it.
I believe it was Emerson who said: (material things) are not gifts but excuses for gifts. The only true gift is a portion of yourself.
There's a great song in "Fiddler on the Roof" that begins, "Do you love me?" After recounting all their struggles, fights and privations, she replies, "If that isn't love, what is?" That's the kind of love that will sustain you forever. . .romantic, sometimes, but always durable.
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