Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Can't shake a feeling

Last night I had a terrible dream. One of those really really real ones that seem so much like reality that when you wake up you're not sure if you've actually just fallen asleep. Like sleeping was reality and waking the dream.

This dream was about a friend who'd hurt me and I couldn't figure out why. I didn't understand what I'd done to ellicit they're hurtful behavior. I felt small, unloved, insecure and alone.

As I laid in bed the darkness of my room was crushingly heavy and tears pricked the sides of my eyes. I turned over to escape the dark and face the pale blue light coming from my recharging cell phone hoping for solace. Instead, I was surrounded by an icy world that filled my eyes and chilled my heart.

I drifted back off to sleep, but was blessed with no restful slumber.

Hours later I awoke to my warm and inviting bedroom, the breakfast sandwich my hunk of a husband makes me every time I sleep in later than he does, and a kitchen full of bright slanting morning sunshine.

Yet, twinges of the feeling remained.

The happy, enveloping steam of my shower had cold little fingertips as it enveloped me. The freshly ironed shirt had a hidden and unnoticed wrinkle down the front. The tall, frothy morning glass of milk had a faint scent of rot. I hate bad dreams that stay with me all day and leave me in a funk.

Does this happen to anyone else?


Greeneyes said...

Awww...those dreams are no fun. Sometimes my poor hubby is in trouble before he even gets up because I've had some crazy dream & I can't shake the rage. Wonder where this stuff comes from?

Maggie said...

That happened to me a lot, when I was pregnant.

Katie said...

Dear mags,

Why are you trying to freak me out?!?!? Does that give you some sense of joy? (wink)

Love, your sister

OC Mama said...

I have those dreams too... And they do happen a lot when one is pregnant... LOL

Matt and Kathy said...

Just thought I'd let you know...this friend would never hurt least not intentionally...I hope you feel better soon!! Love ya!

Anonymous said...

The pill made me have dream like that.


Christy said...

I guess I am lucky, because I rarely ever remember my dreams.

trs said...

You don't have to be pregnant to have those types of dreams! (I've nver been pregnant)

The worst for me are the dreams I had in the years after my sister's death. I would dream that she was alive... or that she came back from being away and we only thought she was dead.
The joy was so intense... that waking was a distressing let down.

Courtney said...

I have nightmares about the wedding like 3 times a week now - and they are AWFUL! And I wake up panicked and sweaty. yuck.

Maybe you need to snuggle with the Ear Doctor a bit more before you drift off to sleep.