When I graduated from high school my parents got me a really awesome outfit. I remember feeling really polished and grown up because I'd purchased my khaki pencil skirt from Nordstrom's t.b.d department instead of brass plum. REALLY fancy.
To round out the ensemble they bought me a pair of black strappy sandals with a .5" square heal. I loved them but I was REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY nervous that the solid heal would make a deafening CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK as I walked across the stage to collect my diploma.
As the days to graduation ticked down I became more and more concerned with the CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK. I could just picture it, me, starting to walk across the elevated hardwood floor of the opera house and the sound of my footsteps so loud and piercing that no one could even hear my name being read. Or worse yet, they couldn't hear the name of my crush who just happened to be walking 2 or 3 people behind me.
It was unthinkable!
So, ever resourceful, I taped big wads of quilters batting to the bottom of my shoes.
Yup, DORKY as charged.
I just wasn't ready to fully own the grown-up sound of a person walking in high heels.
The thing is, in most of my childhood memories my mom is wearing high heels. The distinctive sound of those spiky shoes walking along a hard surface is a reassuring, very grown-up sound to me. At 17 I don't think I was ready to be the one making that sound. I was insecure, inexperienced and definitely not ready to be an adult.
In college I didn't wear them either. Well, maybe I borrowed a pair here and there from friends to go out or on a nice date, but I never really WORE them. They always felt like a costume. Not me.
But now? It's different. When I walk down the street in these babies they feel real.
When I'm making the sound of a high heeled woman walking down the street I don't feel out of place...I feel confident and sure of myself.
Is that strange? Should I be worried that I feel mature and validated by the sound emanating from a $100 pair of shoes? Wouldn't a deep and self assured person not care?