Every day comedians

So in the past couple of days some people have said some really funny things unintentionally:

1. My sister's roommate Heather was telling about this guy that she knows. I guess he was born in Italy, but moved over to the states when he was 4. She was describing how you could hardly tell that he'd been born over seas because he was as American as the come. She said, "he only lived over there when he was little, so he hadn't really become italicized." So he didn't walk at a slant and have curly ends?

2. My grandma is a really into gardening. Sunday I went over to visit her, and she was really excited about the new tool she bought. She was describing it to me and said, "it's a long pole with a hooker on it." I didn't think you could buy those at the hardware store, I thought they were more of a strip club or hip hop artist living room kind of thing.

3. Last night an ambulance was speeding past our house and my roommate said, "Something good's not happening." I'm pretty sure she meant to say, "something not good is happening" but the way she said it made me think maybe she had some kind of psychic fortune telling powers. Maybe I should have her read my tarot cards or something.