Tuesday, November 23, 2004

My sincerest apologies

I haven't really had time to post anything because most/all of my creative writing ability has been funneled into drafting my grad school application essays. I've got something pretty good, but it still needs some time to sit and percolate to really be considered good enough to submit.

I'm flying home to Washington tonight to be with my family for Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving in my family is spend with my dad's side. They are crazy and strange and I love them so much.

This Thanksgiving will be hard for me.

Really hard.

Last May my dearest, sweetest, most inspiring Aunt Sandy died of colon cancer. Even as I type that sentence my heart constricts, the room seems to darken around me and tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. She was an amazing woman who always challenged me to be better and to learn more. It was her promptings that impelled me to consider grad school. It was her funny sense of humor that could always make me laugh. It was her courage to fight for 10 years with one of the most painful and debilitating forms of cancer that will always help me be strong. She is an example to me of true strength of character.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was always spent with her family.

The day after Thanksgiving my family has appelled "Tree day." My sister and my aunt would spend the whole day making the most amazing gingerbread houses which would be on prominent display in our home the whole festive season.

I don't know how things will go without her. I hope I'll be able to get through it without breaking down in tears more than once, but the chances of that are slim.

I didn't get to go to her funeral. She died right before I went on a big trip I'd been planning for over a year. At the time I had a huge debate about whether to cancel on the trip or not, but she'd lived her life despite the horrible circumstances, and I'm sure she is proud of the fact that I didn't put my life on hold.

Still, it means that I'm the only one in my family that never really got closure on the whole thing.

I heard a few weeks ago that true courage is when you know you're licked, and you go through with it anyway. That could pretty much sum up my aunt's life. I love her and miss her so much, but I realize she's in a better place.

I don't know if I'll be posting anything until next Tuesday.

Sorry this was kind of a downer, but it's what I'm thinking about this morning.

2 comments:

girl from florida said...

:(

I'm so sorry, Katie... I don't really know what else to say. I wish I could do something to help you feel better. Well, just know I'm sending you a big hug via the internet.

I've missed your posts! Good luck on the grad school apps. Trust me, it is so worth it in the long run!

the narrator said...

your aunt must have been someone special. i remember how hard it was for maggie when she passed. i hope everything is going well for ya.