Getting the brush off

Why do I let him get to me? It makes no sense.

It doesn't matter how much time or space I put between us he can totally wreck my mood with one inconsiderate action. I could go for months and months without my thoughts wandering to him, but inevitably he'll spring into my mind while someone is speaking or saying something that he really should hear.

I don't want him there, and yet, he is.

Why won't my strong will carry over into this and allow me to totally eradicate him from my psyche?

He calls me when he is at his lowest, most vulnerable point because he knows I'll be there. And I'm proud to be the type of friend that everyone knows will be there when they need it.

Only.

With him it feels like I'm being taken advantage of.

And I hate that.

I'm torn between my compassionate side and my independent side.

That's really what I hate.

Either course of action makes me feel like I am betraying myself.