Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A little tip

Last night I encountered one of my biggest pet peeves and I thought I'd share, because, well, I can.

In the mail we got a very square, very official white creamy envelope with our names hand-written on the front. The only possible explanation? A wedding invitation.

Slightly confused, I flipped it over to try to determine who was getting married. I thought the only wedding we'd be attending this year was a friend from school who was getting married in August. That would be one on-top-of-it, eager-beaver bride to be getting her invitations out already.

I didn't really recognize the last name...but that happens all the time. I slid my finger under the OUTER envelope flap so I could pull out the INNER envelope so I could pull out the invitation.

After I read the names on the front of the invitation a light bulb flashed. This was the invitation for a woman who I'd spoken to a few times at church. A woman whose daughter I love and teach at our bi-monthly activity days. I knew she was remarrying but I wasn't actually expected to be invited to the event.

Well, I was invited. Which was nice.

But you know what wasn't nice? The little card insert straight from Bed Bath & Beyond telling me exactly WHY I was invited to this wedding. I didn't even have a chance to read through the entire invitation before the noticing that my presence as well as my presents were invited to come to the wedding.

I really hate this trend. It makes me feel like I'm invited for one reason and one reason only.

So my advice is this: Prospective newlyweds: do not put a "we are registered for gifts here" tag in your invitation unless it is 1) well-designed and 2)not glaringly obvious.

If we want to get you a gift we'll be able to figure out where you are registered on our own. Because 80-90% of you are either registered at Bed Bath &Beyond or Target. Plus, you probably registered for the wrong stuff anyway (you do not need 4 ice cream makers...I promise), or all the cool things will be gone, or not available at that we're going to have to use our imaginations anyway.


Janssen said...

My brother-in-law wanted their announcements to say "Please send checks in lieu of gifts" and my mom put the MAJOR stop to that idea. Their announcements said nothing about where they were registered and CERTAINLY nothing about sending cold hard cash.

Good for my mom.

Melinda said...

AAAAHHHH!!! Isn't that sort of thing supposed to go in a bridal shower invite??? Holy Moley. I love this time of year...

erinannie said...

Technically you are not even supposed to put it in the bridal shower invite either. It is never appropriate to tell people where to buy you a gift. Its just plain tacky.
(Not to mention tacky to register for gifts for a second marriage!)

The closest thing to appropriate when telling people where you have registered is after they have RSVP'd to the shower. When they call to tell you they are coming, you may ask if they would like to know where you are registered.

But of course, you never ever host a shower for yourself. Also, a family member should never host it either. A cousin is okay, a mother or sister is not. Not even the soon to be mother or sister in law is appropriate. It is considered tacky for family to go asking for gifts on your behalf.

Why must people make their weddings all about the gift grabbing, and not about the love and ceremony?

stacydesigns said...

I totally agree with how tacky it is to tell people where you want them to buy you a present. It really isn't that hard to jump online and find out for themselves.

Since my husband and I were getting married in Los Angeles and living in Houston it was suggested to us that we put on our announcement that we would like gift cards instead of actual gifts since we would be traveling. There was no way I could do that. If people were generous enough to buy us a gift we were going to figure out how to cram it in our car for the drive home!

Jeanelle said...

Amen, sister! I'm a former YW president so hosting several showers this year. I don't put anything in my invitations about gift registries. It is so tacky and unnecessary. If people can't figure it out, they'll call a mom or give you the wok they got for their wedding 5 years ago and never used and YOU WILL LIKE IT!!!

Kari said...

Ditto! I am so glad you wrote about this as it makes me feel that my wedding invite rant is less odd!
A couple other trends that drive me nuts are that people where I live now often put "presentation" or "presentation only" on their invite. Guess what that means they only want you to give them $$$. The other is the wedding social. Basically it is a big party that the couple has a few months before their wedding, where they charge people to come, sell raffle tickets on prizes, all to raise money for their wedding. That's not my least favourite part...that comes when people say or send or write someting along the lines of"Oh, I'm trying to keep the wedding small (or I can't afford to have you come to the wedding) but I would really like for you to come to my social" (As if I really wanted to go to the wedding in the first place)....people often make 5-20K at the social! Craziness!

cropstar said...

OOOOOOOOOH! I hate this too! It IRKES me!! I hate that it has become common place to print it directly on the invite. ugh. Those are the kind of weddings I boycott.

ellen said...

I got a wedding invitation once that asked to include gift receipts! Nervy!!

heidi said...

thankyouthankyou! this is one of my biggest peeves! i concur with all the comments. finding out where someone is registered goes with rsvp'ing. and rsvping is something that doesn't happen often enough! social manners have gone down the drain!

Lindsay said...

I agree whole-heartedly. I've actually never gotten an invitation that had the registration info (luckily - I'm not sure I would respond too well to that!). And as for one of your other commenters - wow, I would have had NO IDEA what they even meant if it said "presentation only" on the invite. That's just insane!
Although I do have to draw the line and disagree with someone else here and say that registering for a second wedding is fine (as long as it's NOT ON THE INVITE). After all, the gifts are to celebrate someone's big event, which is not any less important just because it's the second time around. ;)

TRS said...

Agree agree agree!!

I begged and pleaded with my cousin not to include registry information on her wedding invitations. She was baffled, "then how will they know?'
Well gee, if they don't know how to use the internet - they probably know how to use the phone.

If you're inviting someone who doesn't know your phone number, or your mother's phone number... or your MIL's phone # or your best friend's # - are you even close enough to them to invite them?

Then, her mother sent her baby shower invitations two years later and not only put the registry information in it - she actually instructed the guests to have the Target cashier mark the item off the registry and to include the gift reciept!!!
Oh really - it's too much trouble for you to return something that isn't absolutely perfect?!?!?

Worst part of the whole situation? This family is BEYOND wealthy. They are the millionaire next door types, millionaires but you'd never guess. Why you gotta have your rich momma beg for gifts?

Reb said...

AMEN sister.

Amy said...

super tacky! You'll either buy a gift or you wont. Most of the time, even if I know where someone is registered I don't go buy something off their register. Maybe that's bad- obviously they want it, or need it. But I like to do more personal gifts and registers don't typically carry those!

amy said...

please. publish this in every newspaper read by all mankind. i thought my sister was going to call off the wedding because her fiance wanted that card so bad. they printed 2 versions of invitations--one from our family and one from his. my mother and sister refused.