Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Dear CEO of Target,

I just wanted to take a minute to express my total satisfaction, nay, my overwhelming joy with your establishment.

Yesterday I was having a terrible day. My co-worker was in a foul mood and was cursing like a sailor. My manager had an argument with his bank for an hour and since we share an adjoining wall, I was pleasured to hear every word.

The person who told me that he would plan and run our church youth activity night (FHE) just didn't show up and since I am in charge of it I had to deal with everyone's complaints about what a crappy job I do.

I left as soon as I could and came home to sit on my couch. My lovely boyfriend, the ear doctor, came over and we decided to go to Target because I wanted to buy a movie.

I was thoroughly entertained when we found this little jem:

I'm glad that Bordeaux is so proud of his product that he willingly puts his name on it. That is the kind of product confidence that I can really put my trust in.

Next, I was infinitely entertained by this "book":

Did you know that on almost every page of this book you can be pleased to notice Paris Hilton's left lazy eye? Pretty entertaining if you ask me.

The true motivation for this letter comes from my experience in the check out line. While I was waiting for my turn to purchase my wrapped set of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and The Wizard of Oz I noticed that the makers of Big Red cinnamon Chewing Gum have decided to switch their packaging.

immediately after I saw the packs of gum I started singing the big red song. By now I was in a really good mood and decided that I didn't care if anyone heard my singing my favorite jingle of all time. I started out:

"Get close a little longer, Hold tight a little longer,"

Gaining gusto, I continued

"make it last a little longer, longer with big red"

At this point it became my turn to get my DVDs rung up. With reckless abandon I pushed onward

"That big red freshness lasts right thorough it"

Crescendoing into

"your fresh breath goes on and on"

And here I paused because the song goes up to some high notes in the next line and I wasn't sure if I was going to hit them on key.

In my momentary hesitation Josh, my cashier, looked from me, to my boyfriend, and back to me and sang,

"while you chew it"

in the most wonderful monotone, deep voice I've ever heard.

His participation in my little indulgence made my day and formed a warm little spot in my heart. I will always feel a deep bond of friendship for Josh, and thereby for Target.

Thank you again for not only stocking your shelves with superior quality merchandise, but for adhering to the highest standard in your employee work force.


(A life-long customer)


Kelly said...

Target is my favorite place in the world. If they actually sold beds, I'd probably live at Target.

They have Willy Wonka and the Wizard of Oz in a box set?!?! I really really need that. (not want, need)

Maggie said...

Great! I've had the Big Red jingle stuck in my head ALL DAY now. I read your post to my associates and they all thought it just as funny as I did! Thanks for the laugh!

girl from florida said...

You should totally send that in to Target. I am completely serious- it's hilarious & I'm sure would travel up the ranks quickly. I bet you'd get at least a gift certificate out of it!! :)