I'm a safety kid

Yesterday my boss's boss took our entire team out for drinks after work. As I sat there sipping my diet coke with a lime, I was surprised by how much I was enjoying myself. I was having a great time sitting there, surrounded by 8 middle aged men, talking about the headache of owning property, the best places for fly fishing, and the ridiculousness that there is no national college football tournament like there is for basketball.

I hung out there until 6ish and then had to take off. This weekend I'm moving into my new house and I decided to paint the walls lime green (v. cute). As I turned into my new neighborhood I realized that I had to pee. Urgently.

I threw my car into park, ran up my driveway, and shoved my key in the lock. I haven't figured out the tricky subtly of this new door yet so as my keys jangled back and forth I said a silent little prayer, "Oh Lord, please let this lock give so that I don't wet myself and have to explain this all to my new roommates."

Mercifully, the little tumblers in the lock heard my prayer and slid open. Flinging the door open, I made a mad dash upstairs to my bathroom.

Sweet release.

(Why do I wait so long? I'm a grown up for heaven sake.)

Anyway, when I left my porcelain benefactor I was met by my new roommate, Monica. She was pale and here eyes were the size of two silver dollars.

She told me that I had freaked her out because there is some mass murderer running around Boulder. I guess he's killed 8 people so far and the police don't know who or why he's doing it. She thought I was the murderer breaking into her new house coming up the stairs to get her. I thought it was kind of funny to be scared of that.....at the time.

I hung around the house painting, trying to hang my curtain rod, and watching the season finale on Amazing Race with the ear doctor until about 11:30. Since my bed isn't over at the new house yet, I had to drive back to Boulder to sleep.

I pulled around the back of my condo and parked. I opened the door and was immediately frightened by the silence. There was no music from the neighbors, not a light in the house was on. The thought of going up to my door which is blocked from view by a high wooden fenced in patio FREAKED me out.

That dark corner was the perfect place for the mass murderer to find me.

I sat in my driver's seat with my door partially opened and considered my options.

I could call the ear doctor, but then I'd have to wait for him to drive up here and the chances of the murderer actually being there were small so it would be a total waste of his time.

So, I decided to fake like I was talking on my cell phone.

I didn't call anyone, I just held my phone to my ear and pretended to have a conversation.

I figured that a mass murderer wouldn't get me because then the person I was talking to would hear my scream and figure something was wrong and call the cops. Smart, huh?

But don't they say that murderers and rapists always target people on cell phones because they aren't fully paying attention to what is going on around them?

Plus, if someone is deranged enough to sit there and wait for me outside my condo, do you honestly think they're going to let a phone call stop them?

Plus, my phone drops signal ALL THE TIME so most likely the person on the other end of any of my calls would just think my phone cut out and go to bed, so really my tactic wouldn't work anyway...

but the scary guy doesn't know that.

he he he