Why didn't my sister get it?
She is fully able to fall head over heels for someone. She can just let go and dive right into what could potentially be total heartache.
When she told me that she'd found the person she wanted to marry after only having known him for 3 months I thought she was crazy. More than that, I was terrified for her because I felt certain that she would get her heart so broken that she wouldn't be able to cope. In my mind, there was no way that she was going to be able to keep a long distance relationship alive for 8 months with a person she only knew for 3 months. It just seemed ludicrous to me.
But you know what, she was fine. She did it with grace and style and just a few little breakdowns. She made the choice to let him have her heart and it all worked out for her.
I just can't do that.
It's not like I've really been seriously hurt before. I don't have excessive amounts of past relationship baggage weighing me down and dragging me along in the dirt. But, I act like I do.
For some reason I just can't stop protecting my heart from getting hurt.
Since the ear doctor bought his plane ticket to come up to my sister's wedding in July, I've been acting like a psycho. I am hyper-sensitive about everything. I constantly analyze where our relationship is going and it is ruining the great thing that the ear doctor and I have built.
My defenses are up so high it is virtually impossible for him to not trigger one of them.
At least I can realize what is going on right? Isn't admitting you have a problem the first step to overcoming it?