Last night when the ear doctor came home I was sitting on the couch, watching Rizzoli and Isles unpicking 3 seams. I've been working on creating a masterpiece of a dress and it just wasn't coming out right. The gathers were all uneven, the plaid pattern wasn't matching up perfectly, my top stitching couldn't walk a straight line if the chief of police pulled it over and asked it to.
I'd cocooned myself on our big leather couch with pillows stacked up to either ear, my feet propped up and my body covered with rumpled, yellow-and-brown plaid, poor quality work.
And I was feisty.
The weird thing about me is that sometimes when I'm feeling feisty I don't even know it. My emotions work about 3 times faster than my reason.
So when the ear doctor walked in the door and started asking me what was wrong I snapped at him. I unintentionally ignored him. I finish unpicking my seams, tossed my seeming failure of creation aside and went to look at my garden. Which is FULL of weeds. And the tomato plant that is actually producing fruit had slumped off it's cage and those green little beauties were sitting in the mud. After stomping around the garden a few time I came in and was enraged by the dishes we'd left linger in the sink from the day before. I testily grabbed the scrubber and started tackling the pile.
And the ear doctor through this? Looked at me like I was insane. Probably because I was. My brain had yet to catch up with my temper. When he, again, kindly asked what was wrong with me I totally lost my mind. I was mean to my sweetheart. I was snarling for about 3 minutes...until I looked up at his perfectly sky blue eyes and my brain caught up to my soul.
I wasn't mad at him at all. I was stressed out with my job and defensive because I knew I was taking my fury out on the one person in the world who never deserves that. And I started hysterically laughing at myself.
Two minutes later I was sobbing in his arms and apologizing for the mismatch in timing from my heart to my head.
I ate some dinner and put myself to bed early.
And at 3 in the morning when I couldn't fall to sleep I decided it was the perfect time wage an epic steamroller battle.
Do you know the game steamroller?
Anyway, the point is that I'm learning to work out the timing between my emotions and my reason. Trying to feel slower and think faster.
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
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4 comments:
I think that's one thing that Dan has really taught me. Perhaps not to feel any slower, since that seems pretty much impossible for me. Also maybe not to think faster. But to talk slower. I've learned that I can think and feel angry, but if I just say nothing until I figure out the who and the why life is much better for everyone. A lot fewer apologies in the end.
That's my baby
I was nodding my head proclaiming that you are my long lost twin while reading this!
Although we do mix it up on occasion and instead of steam roller Bret gets to hear me sing show tunes to him while I poke him with my fingers and toes...it's a joy!
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