Sunday, December 26, 2004

Top 12 things of Christmas

12. I sent a text message to everyone in my phone yesterday wishing them a Merry Christmas. It was awesome to get all the responses back. Made me feel really loved and popular.
11. My sister told her finace that she wanted to "bite off his nipple like a beaver." Yikes!
10. I made my future brother-in-law a smitten. Go to and you'll see what I'm talking about. The look on my sister's face was priceless when she realized what it was.
9. I got to talk to Sarah and she calmed me down about some stuff.
8. My mom got me a sewing machine. When I was younger I never would have seen this as such an awesome gift because I was unwilling to accept a lot of things that were seen as traditionally feminine (like a vacuum cleaner, blender, ect.) Now I am so thrilled to have one. I'm thinking of clearing one corner of my huge room and turn it into a sewing room. Hooray!
7. I talked to the ear doctor and realized that I miss him terribly and can't wait to see him on Thursday.
6. Grandma gave me the traditional two dollar bill that she says gives you good luck if you keep it in your wallet and never spend it. When someone asked where she got all of them she told us that she printed them in her basement. I hope no one from the government reads this and busts my cute little grandma for counterfeiting two dollar bills. I don't think she'd make it in the big house.
5. We got to watch old home videos of my dad's family when they were little. It was funny to see my dad as a 10 year old punk kid. It was a trip seeing their clothes and cars. It made me wonder what my kids will think of my clothes now when they are my age.
4. I made candy with my grandma. The divinity turned out perfectly. The rolo/pretzel/pecan treats went like hot cakes, and true to form, I messed up the fudge. It was supposed to be this really easy recipe with marshmallow fluff, but I still managed to screw it up. I should just come to grips with the fact that I will never be able to make the stuff. That's just how it goes. Some people can, and some can't.
3. My mom loved her gift, my sister knocked me over with a hug when she realized what I got her, and my dad laughed out loud when he opened the present from me. Mission accomplished.
2. I wasn't blamed for messing up my cousin again.
1. My family is the best in the west and anyone who thinks theirs is better only thinks that because they haven't met mine.

Happy Holidays!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Why yesterday was just plain wonderful

1. I figured out how to fix my work and model so that it will dynamically rebuild itself correctly after I move it around (I've been working on this for WEEKS)
2. I ate about 10 lbs of guacamole and chips for lunch.
3. My dad offered to buy me new tires, which will probably be my most appreciated Christmas gift this year.
4. I got to talk to my mom and she gave me some really great and interesting perspective about stuff. (always does)
5. I talked to my bff Kathy and got some STUPENDOUS news!
6. My outfit for the evening came together nicely, despite my worries.
7. The ear doctor looked amazing in his suit when he came to pick me up.
8. He took me to see the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular in Denver.
9. We got an AWESOME parking spot, which was really nice because it was snowing and I was wearing a skirt.
10. We were there early and stood above everyone coming in on the mezzanine level and people watched. Turns out he's almost as good as my mom and I at spotting the best candidates for "big hair award."
11. The show was SO good and made me really excited for Christmas.
12. The little kid two seats away exclaimed (at the top of his lungs), "there's a red head sitting next to grandma!" which made me feel like I was part of the show and every cool.
13. The ear doctor took me to dinner at a REALLY nice restaurant in Denver called the Chop House. The food was great, the conversation sparklying. By this time I was pretty much in a euphoric daze. I didn't think that happened to normal people.
14. I fell asleep on the ride home, which is usual, and the ear doctor didn't seem to mind.
15. When he dropped me off we kissed goodnight and I stumbled my tired body up to bed marveling at how lucky I am to be with someone who not only thinks I'm great, not only respects who I am and what I want to be, but he also thinks our relationship is special and wouldn't jeopardize it for the world.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Why today sucks already

1. I woke up too early. Before it was even light out.
2. In my early morning dazed condition I stepped on the candycane I swiped from a Christmas party last night and broke it...Again.
3. My shower water was blistering hot and then icy.
4. I ran out of shampoo.
5. I went to the Nissan dealership and found out that the molding that got ripped off my car as a result of my blowout is going to cost $150. $150 I don't really have.
6. I went to the tire place to try to get new tires. I realized I don't have enough money to replace the blown out, as well as the 3 other fairly bald tires. I decided to just replace the blow out with a used tire until next month when I feel like I can replace them all.
7. I told my dad this idea and he yelled at me, made me feel dumb, and made me let him talk to the tire store guy (implying I am some kind of retard who can't take care of her own things)
8. I had to tell the ear doctor that I might not be able to go to dinner with him as planned tonight due to the fact that my dad said I HAD to get a full set of new tires on today and the only time the shop could do it is at 4 this afternoon.
9. The ear doctor's response to that news crushed my heart and made me feel like an awful girlfriend (even though he is one of the major people telling me to get my tires fixed).
10. I came into work late.
11. When I got in my co-worker pointed out that my model sucks and has tons of errors in it.
12. When I got in my technical lead treated me like a retard.
13. I burned my tongue on my hot chocolate.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Dear Kathy,

I am so sorry I haven't had a chance to answer my phone and have a convo with you. Please forgive my rudeness. I've had to put in an ungodly amount of time to run this sub for Santa thing and when I get home at night I collapse into bed. Thanks for your understanding.


Having a hard time spending money

Last night I discovered something interesting. I have a really time spending money if I HAVE to do it. If someone hands me a big stack of money and says "go spend this, spend it all and don't save any at all" I really struggle. I always thought I could blow through money with reckless abandon, but when someone makes it a "task" all the thrill is gone.

Last night we went and bought gifts and food for a less fortunate family. We'd raised $600 for a sub-for-Santa activity. We divided up the money and each went out to get gifts for people we didn't know. Sarah and I ended up getting to shop for Christmas dinner food and gifts for "the mom."

We were really giddy and excited to buy gifts for the mom. We decided we wouldn't get her anything practical or that she would buy for herself. Also we didn't want stuff that the family would just take over. You know how it is, if mom gets a gift somehow it just becomes family property.

We ended up getting her a foot spa, a new fleece blanket, a Christmas candle and a new book. All stuff my mom would love to get.

When we met back up with everybody I was floored with how far they had made that $600 stretch! It looked like Santa had come in and just dropped his entire sack. Next week we're going to deliver the gifts. I'm stoked about it.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Dear James,

I got a message from my sister today. I guess she saw you on campus and you asked her if I was going inactive. I don't know how you could have inferred that from my post a couple of days ago, but I just want to allay your fears. No, I'm not going inactive. Actually, quite the opposite. I am more involved in my ward here at CU than I was at any student ward at BYU. I just see my religion and my commitment in a different light than I did a few years ago. I think that's a good fact I think it is an integral thing. If people remained at the same level of understanding in ANY aspect of their lives they aren't really living, progressing, or growing. And when you get down to it, that is really the basis of our whole religion...Growing "precept on precpt" right?

Yours Always,

Maybe it's much too early in the game

But I thought I'd ask you just the same
What are you doin' New Years
New Years Eve

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly 12 o'clock that night
What are you doin' New Years
New Years Eve

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of a million invitations you receive

But just in case I stand one little chance
Here comes the jackpot question in advance
What are you doin' New Years
New Years Eve

Yep, that was the song that was playing as I opened my first Christmas gift of the season.

Last night as I rounded the corner into my complex I glanced into my living room window and was warmed from the inside out by the sight of my Christmas tree lights gently twinkling in the window. I was really happy because that meant that my roommate, Amy, the coolest girl ever, was home and had turned on the lights, probably just especially for me. I started to think of all k inds of nice things about how much I like her and how much I'll miss her when she gets married in a month. I entered my house from the garage and was presented with one of the most beautiful scenes. All the lights in the house were off except for the dainty white glow of the Christmas tree. My house seemed cleaned of all it's ever present clutter and there was a beautiful red Christmas Stocking topped with a huge green sparkly bow.

With childlike giddyness I sat at the bottom of my tree and opened my present. Next to the stocking there was a one page note with instructions. It said: Open the present marked "FIRST" first and the one marked "LAST" last. Use each gift as it is opened. Then, the ear doctor signed it.

The one marked first was a CD. I put in in the player. I was immediately engulfed by the warm, sonorous tones of Mr. Harry Connik Jr. Singing one of my favorite songs. I returned to my stocking. The next present was a noisemaker, then champagne glasses, then a bottle of Martinellis (champagne substitute for us alcohol-impaired folks), then a sign that said "Happy New Years," confetti poppers followed along with a whistle and silly string. In each wrapped gift there was about a pound of loose confetti, so every time I opened one, colorful bits of Mylar exploded everywhere. There was gold tinsel and everything was perfect.

When I got to the bottom of the stocking, the gift marked "LAST" was wedged tight. Inside the festive wrapping, there was a plane ticket to join him in San Francisco for New Years!

He came into my house just as I realized what it was. We put the CD on repeat and danced together in the glow of my Christmas tree. It was wonderfully romantic...Like a movie.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

For the Record

So I guess that last post stirred up a lot of mixed emotions, which I was thrilled to read about in my comments section.

I just wanted to add this caveat to it.

I created that post with the intention of showing how much I've change in the last two years since graduating and moving away from BYU.

I didn't mean to imply AT ALL that everyone who goes to BYU is the way I was. That isn't the case at all.

There are tons of really cool, down to earth, nice and friendly people who go to BYU.

I just wasn't really one of them, especially my sophomore and first half of junior year.

My BYU years constitute a time where I was growing up and changing a lot. I gleaned a lot of my personality at the time from the people I associated with. (you can ask one of my old roommates who hates me now ALL about this if you want)

My college experience was great, I loved it!

I hope that clears up any misunderstanding (Mags)

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

9 things I do differently now that I'm not a psycho BYU co-ed Mormon

1. Pray. Since leaving Provo and having to decide who I really am and what I really want from my life I've realize that prayer has become a real discussion with someone I know instead of a lofty, detached, impersonal homage.

2. Lame BYU dances/activities/dates. Used to attend everyone and wonder if I was the only one who felt like they were weird. I haven't heard "Cotton Eyed Joe" or "Kiss from a Rose" or "Lady in Red" in two years and that is heaven.

3. Try to convert others. Nothing is as vain and shallow as being someone's friend just so that they'll espouse your same beliefs. Variety is what make life worth living.

4. Jugde others for showing skin. Seriously, what was I thinking. Who cares if someone is wearing a tank top and a mini skirt. They're cute. I cringe thinking about how mean I was to some people for wearing things I secretly wish I could wear.

5. Pepsi. Jeez, I love the stuff. Why didn't I ever partake during college. Stupid peer pressure.

6. Sarcasm. I used to be really critical/judgmental of everything and used hurtful words to make people feel bad. It just made others feel bad, me unhappy, and gave strangers a bad impression of my basic personality.

7. Sleepy Sundays. This usually involves at least a 3 hour nap every week. At school I always tried to use my Sundays to do churchy stuff. The 7th day is for REST people!

8. Feel Guilty. I used to spend so much time and consideration thinking about things I'd done wrong and how I needed to be a better person. Now I realize I'm doing a pretty good job, and it's alright to think that.

9. Opening my friendships. At BYU I always thought that I was cooler than some people. Now I realize that what really matters is to be nice to everyone. I'm lucky to be as confident and outgoing as I am, I shouldn't be so exclusive.

I had to make it 9 because I got bored before I got to number 10.

This post inspired by this really cool girl

Monday, December 06, 2004

A big thankyou

Saturday was the first ski trip of the season. It was GLORIOUS, but man am I out of shape. The second run we took from the very top of the mountain to the bottom and my legs were on fire. The weather was great and the snow really wasn't that bad. We got free lunch and the only complaint I have with the whole day is the runs got really crowded in the afternoon. They didn't have even half of the mountain opened up yet. Toward the end it was pretty much like skiing around moving hazards.

Saturday night the ear doctor and I went downtown Denver to the city light parade. It was awesome, both the intentional entertainment and the unintentional. We ended up finding a pretty good spot to stand and watch it, but we were at the corner of the street. People were about 5 deep on either side just standing and waiting for the parade to start. People who didn't want to watch the parade were still trying to cross the street through the sea of people. Anyway, for some reason the parade watchers wouldn't move over to let people walk by. Tension kept growing and growing until one woman tried to cross and this 11 year old girl told her (I'm sure not very politely) that she needed to cross somewhere else. Something happened, and the little girl ended up getting hit pretty hard in the face. The little girl's mom went ballistic, ripped off her denim and fringe Wal-Mart coat and went Jerry Springer on the lady. It was really scary because there were tons of kids everywhere getting trampled and everyone was saying the f-word. After the parade ended the police came. The ear doctor and I split because there were more than enough witnesses to say what happened.

We went to Wolfgang Puck for dinner. I thought it was alright, but overpriced.

Sunday I had to get up early to go to a meeting and church and on my way there I got a blowout. I had to change the tire in my Sunday outfit and got all snowy and dirty. A very nice man came and helped me (even though I had everything under control). He was really such a nice person so I just wanted to send my gratitude out to him via the internet. Wherever you are, nice Baptist man who changed a frazzled. Mormon, red headed girl's tire on Sunday morning on the side of highway 36 in Boulder, thanks so much for your help!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

How to perform an at home chemical peel

Have you ever touched the hand of a little baby and were amazed by the softness of their skin? Well, that smooth, silky blemish free skin can be yours!

I'm sure you've tried everything: lotions, toners, and I'm sure some of you out there have even tried botox.

Well, there is a revolutionary way to get that amazingly youthful skin...A chemical peel.

I know, I know, a lot of you out there are saying, "Jeez, Katie, I don't have the time or the money to go to a dermatologist to get that kind of treatment.

Well, look no further. I have a solution for you.

Step 1: Draw a nice and hot bath.
Step 2: Put on your favorite CD, preferably one without words so that the experience and ambiance are just right.
Step 3: Get your favorite book from childhood. That one that just makes you smile when you read it.
Step 4: Get in the bath and let the horrible day that you've had just melt away. Forget about the nasty sore throat you have and the rather painful discussion you had with your boyfriend the night before.
Step 5: Unwrap the special glycerin soap that your mom got you while you were home visiting for Thanksgiving.
Step 6: Inhale the wonderful cinnamon aroma from the soap.
Step 7: Dunk the soap in the water and be impressed by how wonderfully slippery and slidey really mild glycerin soap is.
Step 8: Use the soap to shave your legs
Step 9: Suddenly notice an intense burning coupled with itching sensation everywhere you've touched the soap to your innocent flesh.
Step 10: Use the scrubber that you usually reserve for getting the calluses off your feel to scratch your flesh raw to alleviate the itching.
Step 11: Jump out of the water when you've realized what has happened.
Step 12: Stare down at your naked legs and be amazed how the brilliant shade of red that is rapidly appearing.
Step 13: Realize that cinnamon oil and fair, red-head's skin are a bad combination.
Step 14: Fall asleep with lotion caked on your legs because that is the only thing that soothes the intense, searing heat.
Step 15: Awake in the morning with stubbley, but incredibly lubricated legs.

It's that easy!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004


Good ideas people. Thanks. I now have my schedule filled up for the next 4 months. Now I can just tell someone else to run the activity and I will have much lower stress about everything. That's a load off.

Last night the ear doctor and I got a Christmas tree for my house. It is PERFECT. The lady at the lot called it the Cadillac of Christmas trees, pretty nice huh? I realized that I am going to need a lot more ornaments to make it look great. Can I just tell you what heaven I was in this morning when I awoke to the scent of a fresh Christmas tree wafting into my bedroom. Glorious.

Last night I also did stage one of breaking in my new ski boots. I filled them with boiling water, let them sit, poured out the water and sat with my feet in them all night. I did this with the hopes that maybe I won't be crippled after skiing for the first time with them on Saturday. I'm really excited and it sounds like a pretty decent sized group will be going. Yea!

The second step of my grad apps are done. I've asked BYU to send out official transcripts to all the schools.

All that is left is the GRE score reports.

I've modified my essay for Stanford and UCLA, but I still need to do it for UT Austin, Penn State, Princeton, UCSD and CU. I can probably do that over the next couple of days. My goal is to submit them all by Friday. I'm way excited.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Calling for all genius ideas

Alright, internet, I need your help.

I'm in charge of organizing weekly activities for all the college aged kids at my church. Every Monday we get together for FHE (family home evening) and I have to come up with things to do. I was just asked for a three month schedule of things to do and I am totally out of ideas. Do any of you have good ideas for a group of 20-30 college aged kids to do? Stuff that doesn't cost much? Service activities? Anything?

Thanksgiving Update

The road was covered with snow and ice as I drove back from the Denver airport last night. The traffic was murder so I had plenty of time to take in the bright lights and offensive pungent aroma of Commerce City. As I sat there next to the ear doctor in my leather seat with electrical butt heaters, I reflected about all the similar drives I had taken back from the airport.

Every other drive back to Boulder has left me in tears. I'd always been sad to leave my vacation and return to Colorado where all that awaited me was my job, my problems, my real life.

This time there were no tears. I was happy to be coming back to my little townhouse in good ole Boulder.

Probably because my vacation was so dramatic and draining.

My little sister got engaged on Tuesday night. It was really cute and so fun to see just how happy this guy makes her. I'm really happy for her and I know that everything will work out just right. Wednesday she picked out her dress and my mom bought it for her. She is going to look like a princess. They decided to get married July 2 and I'll be the maid of honor. I'm SO excited.

Thursday my mom and I cooked dinner for 25 people. It was grueling. No one offered to help us, which just SHOCKED me. Honestly, who just sits around waiting for their feast to be prepared for them and does nothing. After dinner my legs were throbbing with fatigue and I didn't even pretend to help do the dishes.

I got third place in my family's annual Spoons tournament. I was pissed because the top two get their name on the plaque and I missed that this year. Next year vengeance will be mine.

Friday we put up all the Christmas decorations. I did the tree with the assistance of 5 little girls all under the age of 5. Talk about draining. Have you ever tried to keep track of that many little girls in combination with your mother's prized glass Christmas ornaments? At one point my little niece broke one of my mom's angles and together we went to go admit it and say we were sorry. In my small way I was trying to show her that you need to be accountable if you break someone else's stuff. I've had some roommates who never really understood this lesson as my mangled measuring spoons, missing kitchenaid collar and broken flower vase can attest.

Saturday I went to a baby shower and a wedding reception. As I sat around and looked at all the people at the wedding that I've known from high school I just laughed at myself. I wondered why these people ever intimidated me in high school. Its funny how time and a lot more self confidence give you a clearer image of reality.

Sunday I went to church with the congregation that I grew up in. It was scary to see all the kids I babysitted being juniors and seniors in high school. Made me feel old, but accomplished.

Monday my best friend in the whole world gave me a hair cut. I love seeing her because she reminds me of how much I am loved.

Last night I flew back and the ear doctor picked me up at the airport. The moment I saw him waiting for me at the airport my heart leap. He has the ability to make me smile no matter what. When we got to his car he had a little poinsettia and 4 burned CDs of Christmas music sitting for me on the front seat. He took me to PF Changs for dinner, I got a Christmas tree scented candle from white barn candle co (GET ONE, IT SMELLS JUST LIKE A TREE) and tried on beanies and BC surf. After dinner we came home and he helped me decorate my house for Christmas. It looks so good and I am now totally in the swing of Christmas. I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

My sincerest apologies

I haven't really had time to post anything because most/all of my creative writing ability has been funneled into drafting my grad school application essays. I've got something pretty good, but it still needs some time to sit and percolate to really be considered good enough to submit.

I'm flying home to Washington tonight to be with my family for Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving in my family is spend with my dad's side. They are crazy and strange and I love them so much.

This Thanksgiving will be hard for me.

Really hard.

Last May my dearest, sweetest, most inspiring Aunt Sandy died of colon cancer. Even as I type that sentence my heart constricts, the room seems to darken around me and tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. She was an amazing woman who always challenged me to be better and to learn more. It was her promptings that impelled me to consider grad school. It was her funny sense of humor that could always make me laugh. It was her courage to fight for 10 years with one of the most painful and debilitating forms of cancer that will always help me be strong. She is an example to me of true strength of character.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was always spent with her family.

The day after Thanksgiving my family has appelled "Tree day." My sister and my aunt would spend the whole day making the most amazing gingerbread houses which would be on prominent display in our home the whole festive season.

I don't know how things will go without her. I hope I'll be able to get through it without breaking down in tears more than once, but the chances of that are slim.

I didn't get to go to her funeral. She died right before I went on a big trip I'd been planning for over a year. At the time I had a huge debate about whether to cancel on the trip or not, but she'd lived her life despite the horrible circumstances, and I'm sure she is proud of the fact that I didn't put my life on hold.

Still, it means that I'm the only one in my family that never really got closure on the whole thing.

I heard a few weeks ago that true courage is when you know you're licked, and you go through with it anyway. That could pretty much sum up my aunt's life. I love her and miss her so much, but I realize she's in a better place.

I don't know if I'll be posting anything until next Tuesday.

Sorry this was kind of a downer, but it's what I'm thinking about this morning.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Bad News

I just got back from the bathroom.

As I was washing my hands (for about the millionth time today) I noticed something odd about my appearance. Innocently I glanced up at my reflection, and there it was.

Glistening on the top of my head just to the left of my part a little, innoculous "blonde" hair decided to manifest itself.

In disbelief, I did a melodramatically inspired, over emphasized double take. "Can this be true?" Using both hands, I plastered my hair to the top of my head with the idea that maybe it was just the way the fluorescent lighting was glinting off my otherwise brilliant red locks.

Much to my chagrin, the truth was self-evident.

I've begun to go gray at 23. What a terrifying thought.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

The unfairness of it all

Last night I realized that I really wanted to buy a new outfit for the wedding that I'm going to on Friday and my work holiday party in two weeks.

First I went to Common Era. This is a store on Pearl street that Sarah and I lovingly refer to as "our store." I just couldn't seem to find anything that would work for me.

I took off and headed a little farther down the street, to Abercrombie.

Again, nothing there that said sleek, sophisticated, ready to be given a raise because the wearer of this garment is a surprisingly capable (and still incredibly trendy) engineer.

I left the store feeling dejected. As though the entire fashion industry had cast me off and left me out in the cold like the little match girl.

Then, to my right a beacon of hope caught my eye.

Oh sweet banana republic, where the sweaters are so soft and the pants hit just right.

I entered the store on a cloud of pure euphoria. It seemed as though I was carried around the store on a pink cloud of delight. Everywhere I looked there were beautiful things leaping out at me, craving to become members of my every multiplying wardrobe.

After minutes of luxurious rapture in the dressing room I was brought to a standstill.

I realized that Christmas is coming, and while the goose may be getting fat, my bank account is not. It always seems that the whole year long I have total freedom to spend my money like a maniac, but when the festive season comes around those disposable funds seems to dry up. Perhaps they go into hibernation, or fly south to escape the cold, but either way they seem to be non-existent just when I need them most.

Anyway, in a brilliant stroke of self-control I managed to leave the store empty handed, but with an odd sense of peace. I knew that I wasn't the ostracized fashion victim, but a conscious objector to the whole scene.

That knowledge made me smile as I walked back past Abercrombie and the Common Era because, well, I knew.

And knowing is half the battle.

Monday, November 15, 2004

In Explanation

I've been sick for the past couple of days and haven't had a chance to post. Sorry.

My office is on the fifth floor and I have a huge window that looks out onto the beautiful Coloradoan mountains. Every day I find myself lost for a little bit just looking out and being riveted by the sight that meets my eyes. Although I find the strength and majesty of the mountains inspiring, it is often the people passing down below that capture my attention.

From the warmth and comfort of my little office chair I can silently pass judgment on the people that innocently walk across the campus below me.

The most interesting thing I saw today was the back of one of my fellow employees. Cascading down his back was a full and luxurious coif of wavy brown hair. He had the most impressive pony tail I've seen in a long time. Juxtaposed against the worn, black, decade old leather jacket, the radiance of his hair was overwhelming. Honestly, I wonder how he got it so shiny. I wanted to throw open my window, call down to him, and say, "yo, buddy, what kind of conditioner do you use?"

Instead I sit here engrossed and captivated by the beautiful refracted beams of light that, after leaving the sun and bouncing off his fascinating follicles, is appreciatively received by my retnas.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

In need of a PEPSI

This morning when my alarm clock went off at 7 am I thought my head was going to explode. Never having had a hangover in my life I don't really know if the comparison is valid, but if that was even 1/10th of the agony ya'll subject yourself to I don't know how you stand it. My head was pounding and my body felt like it was filled with lead. I had to get out of bed and rush into my bathroom to turn it off. I had to use my stereo alarm clock because I misplaced my cell phone (which doubles as an alarm clock and source of all life force) last night.

Last night after a rousing game of dodgeball and rootbeer floats, I went over to the ear doctor's house. He wanted to go out and do something, so we went to see Ray.

It was a good movie.

I jumped a few time and was pretty uncomfortable at some points, but on the whole I think it was a pretty rad movie.

Great soundtrack.

The ear doctor said he was going to buy the soundtrack and I was glad because then I can burn it. Excellent.

During the movie we kissed a little bit. Only one other time in my life have I made out at the movies. I was young and it was something that *everyone* was doing, so what the heck. The cute thing is that I don't think the ear doctor had ever made out with someone at a movie. So, against my better judgment and usual hesitation to so openly display affection in such a cliche manner, I acquiesced. Everyone should be able to say that they've done that at least once in their life, right? Or am I ultra tacky?

Whatever the verdict, it was fun and at one point I looked over at him and my stomach started to tumble and twist into knots. Yea!

That movie was really long, and then we stayed up and talked. As a consequence I didn't get to bed until 3 am.

Work is really hard on 4 hours of sleep. Luckily I have more to people to entertain me that this cool girl, but it's still rough.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Big News

So the ear doctor and I have officially decided to date. (AKA he is my boyfriend)

I'm really excited about it because he is one of the most impressive people I've ever met.

But, the thing is, I'm not totally head over heels. All my other relationships have started with a huge bang of drama. In the past they've made me so distracted I can't remember what I'm doing and every moment seems to be filled with thoughts of what I can do for him.

It's not that way with him.

Things are comfortable and normal and I have no fear about him wigging out on me about something.

I really like it. It's nice to feel like I'm still in control of myself. Sure, it may not be the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me, but it just feels natural.

Do you think that's a bad thing for a relationship?

Friday, November 05, 2004

Thoughts inspired by Maggie's blog

Today my sister wrote on her blog about being girly.

I thought it was an interesting topic, so I'm going to expound.

I don't know what it has been about my upbringing/personality that has made me think that I can't be girly, but I feel a little embarrassed about it sometimes.

When I tell people that I love to go shopping and that a cute pair of shoes can thrill my heart I feel like people automatically categorize me as an airhead who has no concern for real issues. I feel like all my effort to be a serious contributor to society is devalued and relegated to froofyland where everything is pink and sparkly.

The interesting thing is that this doesn't seem to happen for men. Well, not that any men really get weak in the knees over the new pair of white Ugg boots at Nordstroms, but they have their weaknesses too.

For instance, that guy in my office whose life revolves around sports is not considered a meat head who only thinks about which defensive lineman broke the line and pummled the crap out of his rival team's QB this weekend. He is considered a mans man, strong, confident, in control. The fact of the matter is that he still thinks about and gets excited over something wholly out of his realm of reality or influence.

Like me and those freakin white Ugg boots.

On a related note, this shame of being girly stretches into my relationships. When the ear doctor says something really nice to me, I get all excited about it, and sometimes I get a little embarrassed by my own reaction. For some reason I feel like I'm not entitled to my own true and honest feelings because they are dorky and ultra-feminine.

I know I should work on this and just be proud to feel how I feel and be who I am, but you try spending all day surrounded by insensitive 50 year old men who expect me to not take offense from personally derogatory statements. Then come talk to me about staying vulnerable and true to my inner girly side.

I wonder if this is the way most women feel in the workplace. Is there a widespread feeling that women need to be like men and eliminate all characteristics which are inherently feminine? I've often heard that what makes a great collaborative environment is a lot of people coming together from all different backgrounds and vantages. In fact, at work here we are required to have cross-disciplinary reviews of every design with the understanding that looking at a similar problem from different perspectives will generate a better solution. Doesn't it make sense that eliminating a female perspective in the work place could be detrimental to the development of a company? And why is a dominant male looked at as a good leader, while a dominant female is considered bitchy?

Thursday, November 04, 2004

100 things about me... (in response to GFF)

1. I love the color purple and green.
2. I'm 5' 8"
3. and born in July
4. I used to like the Spice Girls. Still kinda do. (When 2 become 1….)
5. My hair is naturally curly, but I flat iron the crap out of it.
6. I obsessively Q-tip my ears now that I’m seeing an ear doctor.
7. I'm not really into shoes like most girls.
8. I love Jimmy Buffet and will do the Margarita dance on command.
9. I love almost every type of music: R & B, rap, rock, jazz and country- all depending on my mood.
10. I've never been pregnant but can't wait to have children!
11. I get really comsumed by the beginning of any relationship…romantic or otherwise.
12. I’ve played by the Rules with all my boyfriends.
13. I've always been broken up with.
14. And I have been cheated on by an ex…well, I don’t know if it was cheating because we were on a break.
15. My favorite ice cream is sweet cream with fresh strawberries (Coldstone) or Cherry garcia (grocery store)
16. I LOVE Dominoes thick crust pizza.
17. I hate the smell of beer.
18. I love milk and drink a gallon every other day. Interesting sidenote: my sister who is a food scientist told me yesterday that a high calcium diet can help you loose weight. Maybe that’s how I keep from ballooning without any exercise. .
19. It's really important to me to have my feet freshly pedicured & painted.
20. I love old holey jeans. And pigtails (I actually call them nubbins…2 messy knots of hair on either side of my head)
21. Played violin since I was 5.
22. Tried out for cheerleading in 9th grade and didn't make it.
23. Was voted “Most likely to become a Scientist” in 8th grade…and I was proud of it.
24. I dated two boys at the same time. One knew about it, the other didn’t. I confused them once.
25. Love, love, love artichokes. Steamed, baked, grilled, fried, stuffed.
26. I went to a private, Mormon College.
27. My first kiss was when I was in 7th grade. I walked home from school with him from school and planted one on him on his front step.
28. I gained my Freshman 15 and then lost 10 lbs of it- and kept the rest.
29. I like my extra weight.
30. I would much rather curl up and read a good book than go out. (ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!)31. I drink 2-3 Pepsis in the afternoon.
32. My stupid pants feel really tight right now. Totally ruins my day.
33. I made almost got a 4.0 my last semester of college, but my senior design project was graded completely unfairly and ruined my only chance for that in college.
34. I love the computer game Minesweeper. I have the best scores of anyone I’ve met at this company.
35. Political blogs bore me.
36. It totally bugs me when people interrupt me.
37. My friendships are incredibly important to me. I would do almost anything for my friends.
38. I love to hear gossip.
39. My husband is my best friend. I tell him almost everything and love talking to him. (<-I want that someday)
40. My little sister is getting married in July and I worry about her all the time.
41. I’m always borderline anemic when I try to donate blood.
42. I once saw a kid in my latin class have a really severe asthma attack and it FREAKED me out.
43. I fell out of a tree when I was in elementary school and missed hitting my head on a huge boulder by inches. I had to wear a neck brace to school.
44. God kept me here for a reason.
45. From then on, I felt different from my classmates and everyone else.
46. I volunteer every Saturday at an old folks home because I feel like I need to help out whenever I can.
47. I usually feel like a huge geek when I’m in public.
48. I have the greatest dad on the time this girl said that the guy I marry is going to be lucky not because I am so great, but because my dad is so cool.
49. My mom is funny and smart and can do everything.
50. My brother is a CPA and loves internet poker.
51. My dream job: ride designer for Disney.
52. Going to Spain next spring for an engineering reunion—v. excited!
53. Christmastime makes me insanely happy and excited. (I am OUT OF CONTROL)
54. I love presents and surprises.
55. I want to do New Years in times square once before I die.
56. I hate being sweaty.
57. I hate stupid people.
58. Stay-at-home mom is my ideal "job"- but I'm worried I would get bored. Or fat.
59. The world of engineering is confusing and scary- and not very inviting to a girl.
60. I once had a crush on a married guy. Gross, I know.
61. I have a broken toe which has healed into a bone spur from soccer. It makes my foot look weird and hurts when I wear a specific height of high heels.
62. I think I am getting too old to call my peers "boys."
63. I have cellulite. Gross.
64. I can play the guitar.
65. My ears have been pierced since I was 7, but I hardly ever wear earrings.
66. My biggest pet peeve: people who don’t challenge me to be better.
67. Because of this, I am probably challenge my friends too much.
68. It's really hard for me to lie. I feel incredibly guilty about it and confess immediately.
69. I once had a roommate at school who didn’t know was
69. She was weird.
70. Some people I know don’t even french kiss because they think that’s “sinfull”
71. I eat more fast food that any of my friends and do it in secret so they won’t know.
72. I love Pepsi with sugar, but Diet Coke and a lime without.
73. I crave Karft Macaroni & Cheese.
74. My favorite flowers: tulips (in the garden), stargazer lillies and Japanese iris in arrangments.
75. I read the onion every week.
76. My mom constantly talks about her dog. I think it’s really funny.
77. I wish I had an orange kitten.
78. I've known my best friend for 7 years. That's longer than a lot of marriages last these days.
79. I was gifted. (am still gifted, I suppose)
80. I am really, really easily bored. By other people, my classes, work, blogs, books, etc.
81. But I am also really easily pleased. A surprise phone call from my family, a sweet note from a friend, a treat* and I'm smiling the rest of the day.
82. I am happy probably 90% of the time. Many people tell me this is abnormal.
83. I don’t want to buy a house because that means that I’m a grown up and don’t have the freedom to just change and do whatever I want.
84. My sister’s potential father-in-law thinks its alright to share and ice cream cone with his dog. Nast
85. I think the phrase “lived in sin” is kind of weird.
86. I just stole free lunch again.
87. I am waiting until I am married for sex.
88. It feels really silly being the youngest person in my lab and being everyone else's manager.
89. I am worried I will not actually make it back to school to get a second degree.
90. One summer I lived with a bunch of Chinese girls and I was always paranoid that they were talking about me.
91. Europe is my dream vacation. I can't wait to go.
92. One of my roommates at school and I had a falling out and we never talk anymore
93. It’s alright because she was always really negative and didn’t build me up at all.
94. I went to prom twice, first time with someone I really liked, second with a friend…it was more fun with the friend.
95. I just decided that I really like stuffing.
96. Boxes and Boxes of Hot Tamales. Enough said.
97. Funny Bridget Jones type of books are my absolute favorite genre.
98. I get a lot of compliments on my hair, but still always critique it.
99. I love co-hosting parties.
100. I graduated from BYU.

Movin on up

So today I moved into a new office.

Just so you have some kind of perspective, my old office was small, cramped, cold, had a door to the electrical maintenance room of the building (so techs would constantly have to walk through my room to get back there if something broke) without a window.

My new office is large, quiet, nestled in the corner of the fifth floor, has two large beautiful windows that look out onto one of the prettiest mountain ranges in the state. I call it my penthouse suite.

The only slightly negative thing is that I went from my own office to sharing it, but from the looks of things my new office mate is one of those people who drift around all day, so it should all work out.

Plus, as an office warming gift he brought flowers. SO nice!

Yesterday I worked until 7:30, then ran over for my institute class. The class was great and I recommitted to being nice to everyone, even if I think they're weird.

Class got out at 9 and I was EXHAUSTED and hungry, but the I knew the ear doctor was just across campus at a swing club dance, so I went.

When he saw me walk in his reaction was priceless. He just beamed as I walked toward him, and I'm sure the look on my face didn't hide my excitement to see him. I told him that I hadn't come to dance, because I was so tired and wearing the wrong shoes, but I just wanted to see him.

We were just standing there on the side of the dance floor talking and this girl came up behind him, put her arms around his neck and said, "excuse me, but do you want to dance."

I was like, "hello, skank, can't you see that we're talking here and we are both REALLY into the conversation" but he just turned to her and politely said, "Do you mind if I come and find you later and dance because I'm having a conversation right now." He actually look her arms from around his neck and gave them back to her. I would have been totally embarrassed if I were her.

Well, I stuck around and talked and danced to one song and then I decided I had to leave. He got is coat and walked me out to my car (what a nice guy). We hung out in the cold parking lot for an hour laughing and talking.


Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Drawing the line

So with this whole ear doctor situation, I don't really know how to write about it. I want BADLY to get the details all put down somewhere, but I don't know if the internet is really somewhere to do that...

I mean, if I found out that he had a blog and he told the whole world what was going on in our relationship I might be a little taken aback.

Actually, I'd be really interested to hear what his honest first impression of me was.

Last night he came over and we watched the election for a while. I really have no idea what his political views are. I asked him who he voted for and he wouldn't tell me.

I was kind of surprised.

He said it was because he didn't really support either candidate and was kind of mad that he had to vote for either of them.

My take on the election is this:

I don't feel like I can fully sustain any of the candidates that were running. The way I see it, voting for someone is saying, "yes, that is a person who I can follow and support his choices." I just couldn't bring myself to choose the lesser of two evils. Yell at me if you want. Get mad and tell me that I wasted my chance to voice my opinion. It doesn't matter to me. What matters is that I feel like I seriously weighed the issues and acted accordingly.

After watching Peter Jennings hit on one of the newscasters, make fun of an intern who forgot his notes at his desk and pretend that George Wills didn't have the worst toupee in the history of time, we decided to turn the TV off and just talk....Until 1 am.

My favorite thing about him so far is how comfortable I feel around him. Last night I fell asleep in his arms and it felt so safe. (I can't believe I just typed that sentence because it is SOOOO girly). He is big and cuddly and it reminds me of every Sunday when I would fall asleep laying on my dad with his arm around me at church.

Last night when he got home he emailed me and told me how much he likes spending time with me and wants to get to know me better and just a ton of really nice stuff. Plus, he said I was hot, which is always nice to hear. Especially as I sit here simultaneously thinking of that and realizing that the waistband of my pants is cruelly shrinking because it is jealous of all the attention I've been paying to the leftover Halloween candy. (shout out Girl from Florida)

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

When they begin the begin

Here is a short list that I've complied today.

Good things about the beginning of a relationship:
  • Realizing that someone out there is just as weird as you are.
  • Laughing at absolutely nothing just because the other person makes you feel like laughing.
  • Staying up WAY too late just because you want to be around the other person.
  • Having your friends catch him watch you across the room and then shamelessly reporting it back to you.
  • Getting to tell all your stories to an avid audience.
  • Realizing that regardless of his plans, he probably wants to break them to hang out with you.
  • Realizing that you don't want him to break his plans, but being happy knowing that he would.

Bad things about the beginning of a relationship:

  • Realizing there is someone out there just as weird as you are.
  • You are always tired because you didn't get enough sleep the night before.
  • All motivation to go to work and get productive things done is sapped.
  • Having to deal with the realization that you are a psycho out of control maniac when it comes to text messaging.

(If you can read between the lines of this post you'll be able to uncover the fact that the ear doctor and I are starting to get things rolling. He's such a funny kid and makes me laugh until my cheeks hurt)

Monday, November 01, 2004

A change in the wind

Yesterday Boulder hosted the annual munchkin parade. They let kids come and trick-or-treat on Pearl street from store to store. My friends and I didn't have anything better to do with a sunday afternoon, so we all bundled up and went over there to check it out.

They were so cute.

Little kids too small to walk were dressed up as ladybugs and unicorns. One was a little monkey with a big yellow banana attached to it.

Anyway, 7 of us went and just hung out, watched the kids go by and laughed. It was:

  • Amy and Brett (engaged and getting married in two weeks)
  • Jocelyn and Kristian (they've been dating for almost 2 years now)
  • Sarah and Colin (dating over a year)
  • Me and the ear doctor (??? on status)
  • Greg

I didn't really notice the whole couples/paring off thing until Greg said, "Jeez, I've gotta get a girl or go home, I guess."

I've been the odd man out for so long that Greg's comment really shocked me.

This weekend was pretty eventful , I guess.

Friday night I gave my keys to my friend because I didn't have pockets or a purse in my costume. She left the party with my keys, so I had to call upon the chivalry of the ear doctor to get a ride home. Needless to say, I wasn't really all that mad about the situation. The ear doctor dropped me off and ended up hanging out with me until 6:30 am...Just talking. Pretty impressive, I think. That's the latest anyone has EVER kept me awake by just talking.

Anyway, Saturday was Amy's bridal shower at 10:30. Like a moron, I hadn't planned ahead and had to hit the mall at 10 to get a gift. I made a bee line for Victoria's Secret. Sarah called me while in the store and admitted that she, like myself, hadn't thought to get a present. I offered to go halves and put her name on the card. I picked out a very delightfully tacky black g-string with 4 inch long fringe all the way around. I slammed everything into the box (thank heavens for VS gift boxes) and floored it to the restaurant.

The food was killer, and Sarah and I were getting excited to see Amy's face when she opened our gift.

Then, the fury of gift wrap began.

The first gift was a nice set of dish towels and a glass pitcher from Crate & Barrel. The next gift was a serving bowl from Pottery Barn. More and more boring domestic gifts were being unwrapped and stacked in a nice little conservative pile. Sarah and I started glancing back and forth fully realizing that this shower was not the "g-string and frindge" type.

When Amy opened our gift everyone was shocked. There was a pause before everyone erupted into raucous laughter. I guess every shower needs some immature singletons to spice it up.

Last night I hung out with the ear doctor again. We cuddled and held hands and talked about what was going on. I'd been nervous about his feelings and I'm not really willing to start something up that will just get me all messed up and heartbroken again. I told him that I was a little nervous about everything. I got to worrying that everything was just too easy and I was concerned that maybe he was just going along with things because it was nice to be liked. I was nervous that maybe he liked having a girl be interested in him, but not necessarily me. Maybe this is a tinge of insecurity, but whatever. He said that yes, the beginnings of this whatever it is has been easy for him, but that is what is so great about it. That made me all happy and flattered and just confident in the knowledge that he isn't feigning interest or just idly passing the time with me.

Friday, October 29, 2004

On the way into work

I was driving down the street realizing that yet another beautiful Colorado day will be spent in my little office with no window. I was admiring the sun and the cool crisp autumnal air. The new John Mayer song "Daughters" was playing, and even though I am a bit ashamed to admit it, I found myself really enjoying the song. I was singing along to the entirely predictable lyrics when I glanced in my rearview mirror and realized the girl behind me was also singing to the radio. Its so funny to see someone's mouth moving in silent coordination with your own. Made me kind of chuckle.

Last night I went to dinner and a movie with my friend Brittany. She was dating my ex-boyfriend Eric for a month, but he just broke up with her. Listening to her talk about how he acted was so similar to my own experience. She told me things that he had told her about me, and I realized that he really is such a retard.

I took him to the airport yesterday afternoon and asked him why he's been so mean to be lately. He danced around the issue for a while, but finally I got the real reason out of him. I guess more than one of our "close" friends have told him that he needs to be careful around me because I'm still in love with him.

I was shocked.

First because I haven't even really talked to him in a month and second because people who are supposed to be my friends are talking behind my back and clearly think I am some kind of pathetic loser who pines after some 19 year old dummy who doesn't know what he wants. Whatever. I'm so tired of the whole mess. I'm glad I've kind of drifted away from that group of friends over the last couple months.

Anyway, after dinner we saw "Shall we Dance" which was good, but not as good as the Japanese original (which I highly recommend, if you can get your hands on it).

After the movie I went home and did the dishes (they were in a pile in the sink almost reaching to the ceiling), and the ear doctor called me. He was hanging out at this little lake and asked if I want to come. I said sure and went. We walked around the lake and talked. I ended up talking about how hurt the whole situation with Eric has made me and I cried a little. I figure, there's no easing him into being my friend. Might as well let him see what a basketcase I can be while he's still deciding if he's interested. It started to rain so we went and got 7-11 hot chocolate and sat in his truck talking.

It seems like the beginning of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend from school, Derek, who I absolutely adored. Derek liked me a lot more at the beginning than I liked him. I thought he was nice, but I wasn't really interested. I'd flirt with him (because that's what I do), but I never really liked him all that much. He even told me that he loved me before we were even officially together. We always had a joke about how he "wiggled" his way into my heart. The sitch with the ear doctor seems the same.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004


Today I accomplished a major milestone at work. I had my whole team crammed into my office to look at what I've been working on for weeks. They tried to poke at my design, tried to tear it apart by the seams, tried to find wholes and weaknesses in my design trade, but alas it was to no avail. I triumphed over all with my superb preparation and thorough knowledge of the subject matter. I am an engineering goddess.

The only truly appropriate way to celebrate such a great career achievement day is to go to the mall, spend a ridiculous amount of money on a new outfit and get that white pair of Ugg boots that I've been coveting for low these many weeks.

Alas, much to my chagrin, I have imposed a "No new clothes in October" rule.

I realized that my spending was getting a bit out of control. It was starting to feel like a dependency akin to my recently admitted Pepsi problem.

Too bad I've had 3 Pepsis in the last 4 days. Yikes.

Still, I have less than a week to stick to my goal and I will have done it. Not purchased a single article of clothing in a month. Ski boots don't count because they aren't "clothes" so much as "gear."

FHE was great last night. The caramel apples were a big hit, and I was shocked that so many people had never seen a candied apple before. One girl said it was too pretty to eat and took it home with her (strange, I know).

I didn't get to carve a pumpkin. I gave it away to someone who didn't remember one and who looked like they were feeling left out. Oh, the sacrifices I make.

So I met this girl in my ward about a month ago. She seemed nice, but for some reason she just bugged me. Perhaps it was because she was really pretty, has a good job, and always seems to be happy. Well, I let this little kernel of attitude fester in my soul and I could feel it start to eat away at me. Every time I saw here in her cute new boots and her Seven jeans that look a lot better on her than mine to on me I could feel my heart start to ice over.

Anyway, last night I bit the bullet and went up to talk to her.

Guess what, she's really nice.

I like her a ton.

We talked for a really long time about the trip she just got back from (Australia...No fair).

After the activity I am supposed to stay and clean up, but I was exhausted. She cleaned up all the pumpkin goo, washed the dishes, got someone to take out the trash, and told someone else to vacuum up the seeds off the floor.

I hate it when I'm so clearly shown that I have been retarded and mean. I always think I've grown out of that, but then something happens and I realize I'm just the same as I always was. Well, maybe a little better because at least now I can see what I'm doing and I actually try to get over it.

Why do I have to be such a competitive girl ALL THE TIME!

Monday, October 25, 2004


So this is the one FHE a year that I know what we're going to do. I do it every year and it is always fun.


Bring your own pumpkin.

We sit around and carve them, eat and talk. It is always fun and messy and great.

This time I'm making caramel and candied apples. Really I only wanted to make caramel apples, but Colin told me he'd never had a real candied apple before, so I though I'd try them out. I've never made them before, and since I consider myself an accomplished dessert maker, I feel that I need to add this one to my repitoire. Since hardly anyone prefers candied apples to caramel apples, I'm going to make more caramel ones, but since I've got the time and the energy I thought I'd make both.

I'll let you know how they turn out.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Why my mom's great

Yesterday I got a Halloween box in the mail. Who else is 23, graduated from college and still gets Halloween boxes? Probably no one. That is why my mom is the best. She always thinks of me and knows what I'll like.

Here's the difference between my sister and I:
The box contained a few really cool things including reeces peanut butter cups, kitchen towel with jack-o-lanterns, headband with pumpkins on springs that light up when you wiggle your head, pumpkin spice candle from pottery barn, and an orange and black spatula.

As soon as I opened the shrink wrap she put around it I flipped on the switch and wore the head bobbers all night. I thought they were SO cool. My sister's favorite thing....the spatula. The funny thing is that my mom knew that she'd like the spatula the best and that I'd love the head bobbers.

We can actually take this example and use it as a metaphor for the different stages of life my sister and I are in. She's planning on getting married next summer, becoming an adult with a husband and probably won't wait too long before having little kids. She's about getting things done, doing them right, and well. She's a spatula kind of girl.

I, on the other hand, am a total head bobber girl. I am responsible and in charge, but the thought of getting too adult-like gives me the willies. I have a full-time job with a salary and everything, but that money doesn't go to maintaining a "nest egg" so I can at some point buy a house. That money goes to my exorbitant car payment, my skiing passion, and the every expanding state of my wardrobe.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Hooray for ME!

Today my blog hit counter hit 1,000! I'm so proud. I'm even prouder because it only counts other people reading my page, not the millions of times a day I check it to see if someone cool left me a comment. Its nice to know that 2,000 eye balls have seen this page (even if 500 belong to my sister, and another 500 to my mom)

Somehow I've become the social organizer around here.

I don't how it happened, but I think it just grew out my A.D.D. and my new goal to be "kinder."

Anyway, tonight I was supposed to go on a date with the ear doctor. We were going to go to a haunted house together. First of all, I think this is kind of a creepy second date. Does he just want to take me somewhere to get me all scared and jump all over him or something? Well, our mutual friend his having a hard time so he proposed that we make it a group thing and invite her to come.

Since he's new to the area, the responsibility to invite people fell on my shoulders.

I started calling people.

Then, I got on a roll and wanted to make sure that no one got left out (me being "kinder") and ended up inviting about 20 people.

In the process people kept making comments about me always organizing things to do.

The weird thing is that I really don't like doing it that much. I really don't like having my house be the "party" house at all.

Alas, someone's got to do it.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004


So I think it's becoming well known around the office that I'll do anything for a free little morsel of a treat. Today a total stranger offered me a large piece of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, and I didn't want to be rude and refuse, so I ate it in 3 seconds. Delicious. I love this new reputation.

Ever notice how hard it is to keep your energy up through the afternoon without a Pepsi? I feel like a tired beast right now, but I'm trying to wean myself from the goodness of that brown liquid. Not so much because it is in the "gray area" for Mormon consumption, but more because I don't think I should be reliant on any substance. If I can go without it, I prove to myself it isn't in control of me. Rather I control it. Bow down to me you dark master.

My shiny new whistle

Last night for enrichment we learned all about self defense.

One of the officers from the CU police department came to talk to us about sexual assault. He started out by saint that every year there are roughly 40 cases of sexual assault reported on campus. I guess as a general rule only 1 in 10 assaults are actually recorded. Doing the high powered math, that means about 400 times per school year an assault takes place. That's more than 1 girl a day. I was shocked! Then, he said that this was the safest he has ever seen this campus and he's worked here for 27 years. Wholly COW!

He said that it was safe now to be walking around at night on campus.

At BYU my freshmen year we were scared crapless about walking around campus at night and that was BYU, one of the safest places there is.

After his little spiel I raised my hand and asked what the percentage of assaults that involved alcohol was. He said it was upwards of 90%.

After that section we all got up and practiced maneuvers about how to get away from someone who is attacking us.

The first thing we learned was to stick both thumbs into the eye sockets of our attacker and push back them hard enough that they would smear on the back of their skull. I thought that was a bit graphic.

Anyway, someone asked a question about what if you were already on the ground, with someone on top of you.

The person leading the demonstration showed some complex wrestling move with a girl that weighed about 90 lbs.

I just sat there thinking, if some nasty guy was on top of you I sincerely doubt I'd ever be able to do that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in full support of being able to defend yourself and learning all you can to avoid the situation.

But, if somehow I were the victim of a rape I don't know if I'd be like, "man, if I'd only been able to pull that half nelson on a 200 lb maniac I could have avoided getting raped." Like it was somehow my fault.

The thing that I don't think gets stressed enough at these kind of things is the total and complete innocence of the victim. It doesn't matter if she was drunk, alone and passed out in the middle of a dark park under a bush it was not her fault that someone took advantage of her. She is a victim no matter what.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Auntie Marci 37:55-62

55 Yea, verily it is written that when the snow doeth fall, get thee to the mountains and make a gleeful sound. For neither rock nor branch nor small tree doeth corrupt the bases of thy skis if they are built upon the sure foundation of thy faith to survive.
56 If a doubt arises in thy heart as to the expedience of thy venture to the mountain, take no heed to thy worries, for thy skis surely shall be rentals and what damage is irreparable?
57 Thy skis shall be filled, thy tears upon thy clothing shall be mended, and thy poles with angles changed shall remain a testiment to thy steadfastness in the faith that the first trip need only be upon a six-inch base for, low, more snow shall come, as the night followeth the day, yea, it shall come. In great and wonderful whiteness, it shall come.
58 And if it so be that you must sacrifice your bodily parts upon the rocks, let it be said that you were among the first, the craziest to slide effortless to an exhalarating connection with the mountain spirits.
59 Thy bodily parts shall heal upon the passage of time and your faithfulness shall be rewarded upon the mountain with your giggles of delight.
60 For the time shall come when the snow shall melt, and ye shall say unto thyself, whoa is me for I was not first to go to the first resort upon opening and breathe the fresh air and feel the coldness upon my face. For I did sit upon my loins and did waste away the time of my vacation hours.
61 When the mud doeth overtake the slopes and the sky doeth blaze with that bright and powerful snowmelter and skin burner, let not thy lamentations cry, I did not go, I waited, I wasted, I let the days pass. For now there are no more days of whiteness. The hours of my addiction have all passed away and I live in guilt and misery for days spent not skiing, but working.
62 So go, take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take care of itself if ye shall abide in faith and ski today.

Tales of the Yoga Ball

It was 4 pm and I was sitting impatiently at my desk. As the blue tick marks inched across the monitor I could feel myself physically willing the update of my program to go faster. Didn't it know that I wanted to leave ? After 3 minutes of what seemed to be a stalled out process the room began to darken and all I could focus on was the next little blue tick marks and the deafening constancy of the air vent located directly above my head.

Finally, after what seemed to be ages, the program terminated and released me from my indentured servitude. I grabbed my purse, phone and jacket and flew down the 5 flights of tightly spirally stairs and out the door. I raced through the parking lot and threw my belongings into the car.

Ah, sweet release.

I didn't matter to me what filled the next 16 hours as long as it had nothing to do with a computer or space technology.

As I opened the door to my little house I was overwhelmed by a peaceful sense of isolationism. I was the only one home and no one was due to arrive for hours. I roamed around, left trash from the mail wherever I wanted to and kicking my shoes into the exact center of the room.

I had 3 hours to be by myself and just unwind before FHE was slated to begin.

For FHE I decided that we'd play volleyball, but not just regular volleyball because that requires skill. In an attempt to level the playing field, we would use a yoga ball.

As I stepped up to the serving line all my middle school memories flooded over me. Fear that I wouldn't get it over the net, and even worse, fear that it wouldn't even come close. I whacked the crap out of the big blue mass and sent it sailing. Instant validation that, no, I am not a backward unathletic loser, and yes, I freakin rock at this game.

Aside from the kid who got a sprained ankle, there were relatively few injuries, and no blood whatsoever. I still managed to get smacked in the shoulder and will probably produce a pretty impressive bruise, but all in all, a pretty great FHE.

Even Sarah and Colin came, which made my day.

After FHE I stayed in the parking lot and talked to the ear doctor for quite a while. He is so funny, and really nice, but I am still not really interested in him. This is the trick of dating. You want to spend more time with someone to get to know them. Then, they think you are really interested. Then, after you've spent enough time to really know them you really know that you aren't interested. Then, you have to back out and someone gets hurt. Its usually me.

Monday, October 18, 2004

So get this

I no longer believe in Karma.

No matter what kind of good deeds you do, sometimes crappy things still happen.

Saturday morning I woke up early and met at the institute to help pick up trash along the stretch of highway that we adopted.

We drove out there and spent the whole morning picking up trash. It was fun to be out there with friends doing something to help. Coolest thing we found: home made bong created from an arrowhead water bottle, blue bic pen and wad of aluminum foil.

(As a sidenote to show what a brat I am, I thought the bong was really funny and asked the ear doctor to keep it out and the whole institute could take a picture of us around it for our scrap book. Like the nice guy that he is, he carried the nasty piece of trash around the whole morning because I asked. When we got back to the parking lot I forgot about it and drove away in a cloud of dust. He'd done that special for me, and I know he probably didn't want to and thought it was gross and I was an ungrateful little punk)

Anyway, I had to be at the nursing home for bingo at 1:30, and didn't leave my house until 1:15, so I was speeding trying to get there on time. I was driving down the newly cleaned highway, admiring our work when I got pulled over by the cop.

I was going 65 in a 50.

In my opinion that really isn't that bad.

The cop said that if I'd hit a biker going that speed he would have died.

I told him that if I'd hit a biker going 50, the speed limit he would have been toast so I don't really see how that particular reason in any way validates the fact that I was getting a ticket.

Anyway, after sitting there thinking for a while I realized that the universe can't be controlled by Karma, because I got a speeding ticket right after picking up trash and before helping old people play bingo.

Things happen to us regardless of what we do. What is in our control is how we react and what we take away from our experiences.

This is what I learned:
The Boulder city police force should take a basic course in physics if they really think a biker could be hit at 50 mph and not be toast.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

In need of a recharge

Today I took a long lunch and drove around town. It is so pretty here today. While I was out on my drive I heard on the radio that Loveland is opening tomorrow. They are always the first Colorado ski resort to open. They have 3 runs and 1 chair running.

I'm torn.

I'd love to go up and enjoy the very first skiing of the season, but I know its going to be crappy. Do I drive 1.5 hours up to the mountains just to hit rocks and see dirt patches the whole way down?

I think I'd rather wait for a day that will be really great to inaugurate this season.

Funny thing with me and skiing. All summer I hem and haw about getting a season pass. I think in my mind, "will I really use it enough to make it worth my money" and "they are so far away its really a pain to drive all the way up there" and "what if no one wants to go to the places I want to go, am I really willing to spend all that money to do it if I have to go alone?"

Then a day like today hits.

It is clear, sunny, crisp and beautiful and all I wish I was doing is riding up a lift in preparation for a day that the mountain will kick my butt and make me sore and tired the next day.

I loose all control. Suddenly money is not an object, only a means for me to get up there and go whizzing down a beautiful wide groomed run.

Today I bought 3 Copper mountain 4passes (one is for my aunt and cousin who have promised to come ski with me this season).

I think I'll swing by Boulder Ski Deals and buy a new pair of boots after work.

Maybe a new coat?

I've got a problem

Ready to be poked

Last night we had a blood drive at our institute building. I really like giving blood. I was always scared of it, and, to be honest, it still kind of freaks me out. It makes me feel like I helped someone else out in some small way and that makes me feel good.

Anyway, I always get a little nervous when I sit in the chair. The guy doing my needle insertion seemed pretty nice, and since I use flirting as a way to calm down I set to work. Pretty soon we were joking around. When he was making that big circle of iodine on my arm he made a joke about that being his target. Immdeiately I was freaked out. The circle was about the size of an orange and my veins I KNOW are not that large. Anyway, I started freaking out, he had to elevate my feet, and I said in a high and wavery voice, "oh no, I'm totally THAT girl."

Anyway, the blood went fine, but slowly. I must have really low blood pressure or something.

After the drive I sat around and chatted with some people. For the first time ever I talked to Kat.

Here's the 411 on Kat:
  • She got her PhD in neroscience (one smart cookie)
  • She used to teach sunday school. She was the best teacher I've ever had in my life. She really made me think about stuff.
  • She didn't get married until after she got her PhD, so she is one of those cool "you don't have to get married young" kind of people.
  • She's way into "crafty" stuff, but not the kind of crafty stuff where you just take your junk and turn it into more junk. She knits and crochets and throws pottery and makes hand dipped chocolates.
  • She expresses her emotions by crying.

There are a ton more things, but these things remind me so much of myself that I always thought we could be really good friends.

Last night I invited myself to go up to her house and crochet with her every Tuesday night. I really want to make a cool afghan, and since she is the resident queen of the needles, we decided to start kind of a club of sorts. I hope it works out and is fun.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Dear Person from Penn State

You've been reading my blog for almost 4 months now on almost a daily basis and have yet to leave me a comment. I find it distressing that you know so much about me and I know so little about you. Are you cool? Are you funny? Are you my new stalker?

Per the request of Miss Marinara

So my hometeachers....

The actually aren't MY hometeachers, but my friend Sarah's. They came over to "teach" her on Sunday evening and since I was there I thought I'd sit in.

We all sat down in her living room and I tried to pretend that I actually thought it was going to be worth my time.

First of all I have to back up a bit. One of her hometeachers is an acquaintance of mine...We drove down to the temple a month ago together. He got lost and we were almost too late to the session. We talked about Ayn Rand and Objectivism the whole way and it was really interesting, but he comes off as a pompous jerk who is just really proud about the fact that he's in law school. We also talked about how I want to go to Stanford or Princeton for grad school and he decided that I was really smart (not really true, I'm just a really hard worker with big dreams)

They started off with that obligatory, "so how's everything going in your life" stuff. Sarah chatted for a while. I guess they'd never come to see her before because she was telling them about her major and stuff. When she got around to telling them that she was studying to take the GRE's he interrupted her and said, "well, you do hang out with Colin and Katie, two of the smartest people, so maybe some of that will rub off."

I was floored and not in a good way. Sarah is way smarter than I will ever be. The girl practically has a 4.0 in biochemistry. Plus to intimate that she is the "dumb friend" that only hangs out with us so that our "smartness" rubs off on her mocks the close and sincere friendship that all three of us share.

After they left Sarah and I talked. She thought he was obviously intrigued by me and found her uninteresting. I have two reactions to this:

1) Yippee! Now I have another conceited, unthoughtful, self interested person interested in me. My dream come true.
2) Here's a little tip, pal: Don't offend my friends en route to what you may think is a compliment for me. I'm the most loyal person there is and it really won't impress.

Big news

Yesterday I went home from work at about noon because my knee hurt so much. I spent the whole day laying on the couch with a bag of frozen corn on my knee watching TV and movies. It was really boring and the highlights consisted of Sarah being the great friend she is and bringing me dinner, and Kirsten coming over to look it over and give me her advice. (since she's practically a practicing physical therapist)

My friends Amy and Brett decided to get engaged on Monday....and they're getting married Nov. 12. Yeah, pretty fast, but it works for them. They've known each other forever and since Amy's parents are here for the month from Saudi Arabia, they decided to just do it ASAP. On one hand I think it is just crazy and insane to do, on the other hand I really admire their can do attitude. If you know its right, and there is nothing holding you back, why wait?

So the ear doctor called me again last night. He's such a nice guy, but I just really am not all that interested in him. We chatted for a while and he asked me out again. The only thing is that I have plans for the next 3 weekends. We decided that we'd hang out next Thursday. This will be good because there will be a lot of down time and momentum can kind of stall out.

Also, this other kid from the ward keeps calling me. He's weird. He suggested that we have a mancala tournament for FHE. To that suggestion I just raised my eyebrows, smiled and said I'd look into it.

This is a really weird situation for me. There are like 4 guys who are calling me, asking me out, being interested and I'm not really interested in any of them. That's never really happened to me before.

Monday, October 11, 2004

I hate blogger

Why is it every time I write a really long, interesting, and well written (all in my estimation) post that blogger decides it is the best time move like molasses. Its like blogger knows how impatient I am and can sense the exact moment I will give up and just exit before letting my wonderful new post come up.

This will in no way be as good as the original. My second attempt never is as good as the first.

This weekend I did the following:

  • Friday night slumber party with the girls during which we paid homage to the great artists of our generation including, but not limited to, the following: Debbie Gibson, Lisa Loeb, New Kids on the Block and Whitesnake.
  • Saturday I got my friend Kirsten (the mail man's sister) flowers and balloons because she took her PT board exam
  • Volunteered at the nursing home playing bingo. I never won which makes me think that the old ladies were somehow cheating to win the scary stuffed animals and broken lamps.
  • Went to a housewarming party where I had to tread the line between being friendly and making sure my friend knew I'm not really interested in him "that" way.
  • Got accosted by bleeding heart tree huggers who wanted me to miss out on seeing the elephants at the circus. Some people have seen Dumbo a few too many times.
  • Went to the circus with a really nice guy who will hence forth be referred to as ear doctor because he is studying audiology at CU. He reminds me of my friend Alan from school, so I instantly felt comfortable around him.
  • Made orange rolls for family dinner.
  • Found out family dinner was cancelled.
  • Cursed my friends for not being considerate enough to call and tell me that dinner had been cancelled before I woke up 1.5 hours early to start making said orange rolls.
  • Ate so many orange rolls I was ill.
  • Thought of my Aunt Sandy and how much she loved the rolls and how much I am really going to miss her at Thanksgiving this year.
  • Had dinner with Sarah and Colin.
  • Got offended by the hometeachers.
  • Went over to the Boy's house for dessert.
  • Fell asleep reading with my contacts in.

That about sums up the weekend.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

I am a lucky, lucky girl

Just so that they whole internet knows, today is the third day in a row that I've scammed free lunch! Pretty impressive, huh.

Unfortunate Side Effects

So I really like writing this blog. I think it is a good exercise for me to practice my writing, because in general I consider myself a typical engineer with poor verbal skills.

The thing is, I spend half an hour trying to think of the interesting things in my day to write about. Then, after I've hashed through all the even remotely interesting events I figure I've told them all. The result of this mentality is that I am actually growing more distant from people who don't read my blog. When they ask me what's going on in my life I can't think of anything new to tell because I've already told everything to my blog.

So I guess, if you miss out on reading this, you're probably going to miss out on a lot that is happening with me.

Although, now that I think about it, if you're reading this you probably aren't the person I need to be explaining this to.

Oh, no, now that I've confessed this to my blog I probably won't tell the people who aren't getting the stories about it.

They'll be in the dark about being in the dark.

Viscious cycle.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

23 going on 14

So today my co-worker asked me if I liked this guy that we work with. It totally reminded me of middle school.

You know, when you liked someone (person A), but were so scared of rejection that you sent your friend (person B) to slyly ask their friend (person C) what person A would do if you (person D) ever asked them out. It was confusing and difficult and in the end it was a miracle if through all the chain of communication you and person A ever ended up having your parents drop you off at the mall at the same time.

Well, I'm 23 now and this morning felt like I was playing that same old game.


Also, last night at FHE I had totally prepared myself to ask this guy to go to the circus with me on Saturday night, but when I got there and saw him I wimped out. I'm pretty sure that if he doesn't already have plans, he would totally want to go out with me, but I just didn't feel like putting all the effort in to actually ask him out. I guess I'm just lazy. Maybe if I get my friend to go up to him and ask him what he would say if I hypothetically asked him out for Saturday. Now there's a thought....

Every day comedians

So in the past couple of days some people have said some really funny things unintentionally:

1. My sister's roommate Heather was telling about this guy that she knows. I guess he was born in Italy, but moved over to the states when he was 4. She was describing how you could hardly tell that he'd been born over seas because he was as American as the come. She said, "he only lived over there when he was little, so he hadn't really become italicized." So he didn't walk at a slant and have curly ends?

2. My grandma is a really into gardening. Sunday I went over to visit her, and she was really excited about the new tool she bought. She was describing it to me and said, "it's a long pole with a hooker on it." I didn't think you could buy those at the hardware store, I thought they were more of a strip club or hip hop artist living room kind of thing.

3. Last night an ambulance was speeding past our house and my roommate said, "Something good's not happening." I'm pretty sure she meant to say, "something not good is happening" but the way she said it made me think maybe she had some kind of psychic fortune telling powers. Maybe I should have her read my tarot cards or something.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Its the little things...

That get me every time.

About a week ago we got a free newspaper delivered to our condo. Instead of delivering it on our front porch, they just dropped it off in the back right in front of our garage. Every day for the last week I've run over it about 4 times a day, leaving for work, coming home from work, leaving to hang out, coming home to sleep, and even though it is annoying, I don't bend, pick it up and throw it away in the dumpster that is literally 4 feet away from it. I don't know why, I just don't. Maybe somewhere in my mind I hope that Amy (my roommate) will pick it up and throw it away. She probably thinks the same thing.

Another thing: I've lived in Colorado for almost a year and a half now and I still have yet to get my Colorado drivers license. I know exactly where to go, and if I strategically plan my timing, it really wouldn't take more that 20 minutes to just go get my photo taken and become a responsible citizen of the state. But, alas, I don't do it.

As a final testament to my inability to handle the minutiae of my life, my fouton is still being held together with a screwdriver. I lost the little metal dowel that was supposed to hold it upright, and, having no other material just laying around, I grabbed my roommate's Phillips screwdriver and rammed it into place. It works like a dream, and is actually really handy because now we always know where the screwdriver is. The only thing is, it looks really strange just sitting there, protruding from the back of my furniture.

I don't know why I don't just take an hour between standing at the fridge and realizing I have nothing to eat besides year old mayonnaise and half a jar of marichino cherries and that all important rerun episode of Friends to go out and do these things, but I don't. I am an enigma.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Mad scientist with one googly eye

I am the oldest cousin on my mom's side. Tyler, my cousin who is slightly younger, and I were the best of pals, confidants, and more often than not, conspirators in dastardly plots. We perfected the manipulation of the younger siblings and cousins. We were the brains behind many activities that generated parental and grand parental frustration: hanging from the stairs upside down in the basement, tearing the sofas apart to make mazes and play gerbals, using paper towels and plaster of pairs to make masks that ripped eyebrows off in their removal, ect.

Every summer we would all congregate at my grandparents house for a week of pre-adolescent capers. We would usually spend all day at a sports camp, hosted by BYU, or some other kind of summer camp designed to give parents who are accustomed to a whole kid-free day a break from the constant requirement of child entertainment.

The most memorable summer was when Tyler and I were enrolled in a science camp.

(I know you are thinking, "this girl is the biggest nerd ever" but I don't care. It's true, I am a nerd, I've embraced it and am learning to love it)

Anyway, the name of the camp was "beef heart, sheep eye and cow tongue." Within a week we were planning on dissecting all of these things. In retrospect, I think that is really gross, but at the time I was so excited I could barely contain myself.

On the first day of class we showed up and were given a white box. On the top of the box there was a black and white label with a cartoon of a cow looking very happy (clearly he no one told him that we would be cutting out his tongue and very carefully filleting it) and our names written in black Sharpie marker. The box was a foot and a half square and about 8 inches deep. I opened it and was thrilled by its contents: rubber gloves, test tubes, tongs, goggles, a lab coat, a rack to hold out test tubes and a spiral bound book filled with experiments we could do at home.

I'm sure the class was really interesting, and I even remember bringing home the lens of a sheep's eye to show my grandma, but the best thing Tyler and I got out of that class was the box of scientific treasures.

The best experiment we ever did, was on my sister. We made her eat a whole sleeve of saltine crackers, and then pee into a cup. We then did experiments on it to determine what she had eaten. I guess it was a redundant experiment because we knew in advance what she'd eaten.

Anyway, the love of doing experiments has stuck with me.

My latest experiment is more in the social arena than in the scientific.

I've decided that I am going out to dinner with a different person once a week. I'm starting with the girls in my social circle that I don't really know all that well. I think it is really important to make really connections with people instead of just hanging out in a group. I want them to know that I care about them and I am there if they have a problem. Its always fun to do things as a big group, but it is only one-on-one that you really get to know someone and really become friends.

Anyway, last night I went out with Em. She is such an interesting girl, and surprisingly a lot like me. She went to BYU and understands the importance of working hard and doing things well. I was a little apprehensive because she dated the mail man (from about two months ago) and almost married the kid before I hung out with him. I didn't know what she thought about the whole thing. Anyway, I was dumb to think that she'd care at all about that stuff. It was a really fun night and it prompted me to make an addendum to my experiment.

I am going to try to open up to these people; let them see my weaknesses as well as my strengths. I have a really hard time admitting that things don't always go as planned for me. I hate admitting that I get lonely.

So that is my latest experiment. I have no idea what the goal is, and no way to measure the findings, but at least it is in action. It should be interesting, even though there is no dissection involved.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Changing of the Guard

I like musicals. Growing up my mom, my sister and I would routinely curl up under two inch thick blankets, turn on a great Rogers and Hammerstein classic and get lost in a world where people break into song and choreographed dancing at the drop of a hat. My dad would retire to the basement and watch a football game and (I'm sure) wonder how he was going to make it through life surrounded by so much estrogen.

Anyway, I have practically every song from the more popular musicals memorized. I always thought they were entertaining because they were a break from reality.

Bad news, I am a character in a musical.

Alright, so I don't burst into song about how the butter ran out or have a mental breakdown when someone leaves time on the mircowave (wait a minute), but I do have certain "tendencies."

Have you ever seen South Pacific? At one point in the show the main character gets her heart broken and there is a shower scene where she is shampooing her hair and singing, "gotta get that man right outta my hair."

Well, last night was my final rinse of all the crappy stuff I've been going through.

I bailed out on FHE (I know I shouldn't have, but I didn't really want to see anybody), and went to Wal-Mart. Now, usually I hate Wal-Mart, but they have cheap fabric and for my "shampooing" I needed lots of fabric.

I bought tons of fabric to really decorate my room.

I moved into my new place last May and haven't gotten around to really making it my personal space. I've never been able to stand white walls, but they wouldn't let me paint at this new place. Out of laziness and frustration I just decided to put up with it.

Also, I felt to busy to really dedicate time to doing it. I always felt like I needed to be out hanging out with people to fill my time. You know how it is; when you break up with someone all the sudden you have tons of time and you don't know what to do with it all. You're used to spending all that time with someone else, so it is hard to just be on your own again. I've been struggling with this since May, but last night I washed that all out.

I turned off my phone and spent the whole night by myself re-doing my room. Actually, I didn't re-do it so much as do it, since I hadn't really done more that unpack my boxes since May.

Anyway, now my room looks great and feels like a place I want to just hang out.

I'm glad I finally "washed that man right outta my hair."

Friday, September 24, 2004

An ode to Norah

No other Thursday
could be half so grand
as yesterday's was,
throughout all the land.

After leaving work early
I chanced to walk
Down Pearl Street in Boulder
past bums, street performers, and artistic renderings in chalk.

I went to my store,
Common Era, its name,
But found no good deals,
A crying shame.

The day was so nice
the weather so fair
I kept my spirits up;
Felt the breeze in my hair.

I went to another place,
Abercrombie by name
And found some shirts to die for
Playing the capitalist, consumer game.

As I left the store
with a feeling of triumph,
I noticed a girl:
Covered in tattoos and piercings, looking definant

She noticed my bag,
then my Norstrom pants and Jcrew sweater
I'm sure she thought
that her choice in life was better.

Hopped in my car,
Raced home like a jet
I was going to have
the best night of my week yet.

My friend Derek and I
had great plans ahead
I grew giddy as I realized
what would happen before I returned to my bed.

We drove out to Red Rocks
the best venue ever
We sat in anticipation
He tried to be clever

The show started up
Norah looked like a dream
When she sang "Don't miss you at all"
I thought my heart would scream

The night was cold,
Freezing in fact,
But she still did an encore
She's a complete class act.

As we drove home from the show
I took a moment to think
Of all the great people I've known, loved, and learned from
And my fears started to shrink

My life is great,
I've got great friends who care
Norah Jones will never know
Of what her concert made me aware.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Gettin the Digits

Last night my new friend Brittany and I went out for dinner.

Brittany is a beautiful girl,

And a sorority girl in the most popular house on campus,

And a CU cheerleader (or was up until this year).

Anyway, we went to dinner and had a great conversation.

After we'd paid for dinner, we were getting all our stuff together to leave, and our waiter stopped us.

For a moment I was afraid that we hadn't paid enough or something, but then he says to Britt,"I never do this, but you just have a really great smile." And hands her his number written on a coaster.

I was floored, and so was she.

It was right out of a movie. Who does that in real life? Who does that ever really happen to?

After dinner I went to institute. Just before class I noticed this kid that I've talked to maybe twice. He's new to Boulder, and seems kind of quiet, but really really nice. Anyway, emboldened by our experience at the restaurant, I just walked right up to him and asked him for his number. I figured that he might want to hang out and meet some new people some time. Anyway, when I asked him he was really pretty shocked. He asked me if I was actually going to use it, and I said of course I was. Then I asked him if that was okay (fearing that I may have been slightly forward or something). He said sure.

It was a really great class, and afterward the teacher (Bro. Peterson) asked me to come up and talk to him. I guess his wife knows a girl who needs a friend (not in a pathetic, "I'm a loser and no one likes me" way, but more in a "I'm new to the area and want to get to know people way"). Anyway, I was so flattered that he thought of me. He said that I was always really friendly and know how to make people feel cared for. That made me feel all good inside.

After class Sarah and I stood out in the drizzle in the parking lot and talked for a while. She is the best friend a girl could have and knows just how to make me feel better. She's the best.