Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Thanks for the suggestion Brit!

So I'm trading Princeton for Northwestern. I went on their website yesterday and got so excited that I actually started my online application. The controls systems research they are doing there looks really interesting to me. That area has really piqued my interest since I started working with the controls systems guy on our gimbal design team at work. I think I could really get into that. Anyway, another cool thing is that it is only 2 hours away from Yale, which is where Sarah really wants to go. I would love to be able to go up and see her for a long vacation every now and again.

So I've decided that I need to get up off my butt and do something new. I need to take some cool classes or something becuase I feel really stagnant. I think I'm going to drive around town tonight and look for a cooking class. I really enjoy cooking, but never really want to do it just for myself. Cooking for one is hard becuase after you spend all that time getting something really good, you just sit down at the table alone and don't have anyone to talk to.

Monday, August 30, 2004


It would be easier to get ahold of you if you had ever left me your new phone number. The one mom gave me sounds like it is attached to a fax machine. You haven't updated you RouteY info. Your number pops up on my phone as "unavailable" so I never answer when you call.

List of Potential Grad Schools

So I think I've decided which schools I want to apply to. Let me know what you think:

1. Stanford
2. Northwestern (this is a maybe since I went to their website and wasn't really thrilled by the research going on there)
3. Penn State (shout out Britt!)
6. CU
7. UT at Austin
8. BYU (just to see what they offer me to come back)

Am I missing any great schools that I just haven't thought of to include?

Friday, August 27, 2004

MTV Video Music Awards

Tonight I have an appointment to get my hair cut. Since I was bored at work yesterday I figured I would abuse my unlimited internet access privledges and try to find a good new look. My first impulse was to check MTV.com to see what was "hip."

When I went to the site it was an explosion of advertising about the VMAs.

Now, I don't have TV at my house, so I didn't know that they were on this Sunday. When I went to that site it made me feel like a out-of-the-loop bumpkin. I felt like there were kids all over the country counting down to the awards show in eager anticipation. It almost intimated that some people had made those paper chains and hung them around their dorm rooms. Every morning they gleefully would tear off a link until, finally, after weeks of giddy anxiety they are allowed the opportunity to see Nelly and Christina Agulera "perform" on their 19" TV/VCR unit.

I'm sure there are some people who are excited about the show, and have even planned to watch it, but I'm hoping it isn't the vast majority of our nation's youth. Just MTV making me feel like I'm a complete moron because I don't know who Paris Hilton is with these days. It made me kind of disappointed because I don't really like MTV telling me how to think or feel.

But I guess I can't really avoid that.

After work I went to the mall.

To Abercrombie in fact.

I just walked around the store looking at clothes that I didn't really think were that cute, but realized that this store was trying to tell me to think that they were cute.

Why must pop culture force itself upon me?

Why am I so easily convinced to agree with them?


Thursday, August 26, 2004

I'm a slacker

Well, the mailman is gone back to school and didn't even call to say goodbye. I guess this is better because now I'm not even really sad that he's left. It was fun to have a crush on someone again, but now that's over and all I see laying before me is a long year of me not dating anyone because there is no one I'm remotely interested in. C'est la vie.

Alright, so I'm an engineer. I think I've made that obvious, but for anyone stumbling on this page, there's the 411. I'm a 23 year old girl who works with all 50 year old men. Because of this, my office is always unbearably cold. They crank up the air conditioning so high my fingertips end up blue by the end of the day. Despite the fact that I work on the fifth floor and heat rises, it is still like an igloo in my office.

Anyway, yesterday I got into work at 7 and by 7:30 I was trying to eat all the hard candy I had to avoid getting hypothermia. I just couldn't take it.

I assessed my options.

If I were still working in the Broomfield office I could have run home and grabbed a sweater. Alas, I moved back to the Boulder campus and my house is a 20 minute drive away. Plus, it would take forever to drive back in rush hour traffic. That was out of the question.

I thought about running down to Pearl street to buy a new sweater, but by this time it was 7:45 in the morning and the shops wouldn't by open for another hour.

So, I called Sarah at 8 in the morning and asked if I could come and borrow something to wear. I think she was really surprised, I mean who calls you at 8 in the morning on a Tuesday to borrow a sweater?

She said yes, so I ran down the stairs and across the parking lot to my car. As I neared my spot, who but my boss should be walking across the parking lot. He asked me if I'd had enough for the day and I said yes that I was done and I'd see him tomorrow.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that even if it is freakin 90 degrees and sunny outside I'm wearing my ski coat to work.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004


I have a serious problem. Actually, it borders on an addiction. I've tried everything to kick the habit but it always resurfaces when I'm least expecting it. It raged most my sophomore year of college. Since then I've really been battling it, but every now and then my human frailty allows it to resurface and it seems like I never gave it up in the first place.

You ask what heinous behavior can I possibly be a victim of?

Are there children present? I don't want them shocked by the horrific details I am about to divulge.


There, I've admitted it. I hear that is the first step to correcting a personally detrimental behavioral pattern.

Last night I had to swing by the grocery store to get some more contact solution and there, gleaming from the second shelf was the blue box of joy. The first time I passed through the aisle I was strong. I only glanced at the shelf containing the boxes I knew would give me momentary pleasure followed by a prolonged guilt period. I noticed that with my Safeway card each tempting box was only 59 cents. My interest was piqued, but my will was still strong. I sped by.

Well, as you can expect, the organizers of the Safeway and I have totally different ideas as to where the contact solution would be. I, like any other rational person on the planet, would put it next to the other bathroom stuff: toothpaste, mouthwash, face cleanser. As I slowly scanned these aisles the memories of all the good times I'd shared with the contents of the blue box came drifting through by consciousness. After walking up and down all of these aisles I realized I was going to have to either ask an employee for help locating the solution or just wander up and down every aisle.

No employees in sight......Wandering commenced.

As fate would have it I was forced to return to the area of temptation. Like Eve reaching for the apple, my hand, as if powered by some external force, reached for the blue boxes. As soon as my fingers touched the friendly and all to familiar cardboard I knew I would succumb. Glancing around to make sure no one saw what I was engaged in, I feverishly put 4 boxes into the bottom of my basket and covered them with the other items I was planning on purchasing.

In the very next aisle I found the contact solution (next to the shampoo) and made my way to the check out line.

30 minutes later I was at home and reveling in my guilty culinary pleasure. I consumed the whole box and was considering cooking up a second when my roommate found me laying on the floor, mouth open and crusty orange powder clinging to the corners of my mouth. She grabbed both my shoulder and shook me until I snapped out of my carb-induced euphoria.

This morning I am still dealing with the feelings of inadequacy and shame. Why can't I be stronger and avoid doing things that only stop my progression? Why, oh Why?!?!?

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Better days are coming for you....

Well, today is significantly better than yesterday. That is good news.

Yesterday after work I went by CU campus to pick up an engineering book my co-worker suggested.


I got into the bookstore and saw the hordes of students buying their school books for the semester and I almost hyperventilated. All the girls were overly tanned, wearing mini skirts barely covering their butts, and Abercrombie polo shirts proudly displaying 4 inches of not-so-toned abs. Nast. That helped cure my longing to be back in school for a while.

At FHE the activity was finger painting. This was not my idea, but since I am the newly appointed chair or the committee, I have to make do. I made about 15 packages of pudding and dyed it all different colors and everyone stood around making pictures on butcher paper. I thought it was fitting that the first day of class be followed by a return to kindergarten. Anyway, people seemed to have fun.

I met this really "interesting" kid. He has spent the last year interning as an investment banker in Manhattan. He just came back to CU to finish up his last year of school and then he was heading back to NY. He told me all of this like I was supposed to be really impressed or something. I think my friends have desensitized me to being impressed. Spencer is at Harvard getting his MBA, Bryan is going to law school at NYU, Colin and Sarah want to be the power couple of Yale medical and organic chemistry grad school. They are some of my closest friends totally taking over the planet and he wanted me to be impressed by economic forecasting? Riiight.

Another thing I thought was pretty funny: He just became Mormon in May and since then he has read "Articles of Faith" which pretty much spells out our doctrine. He told me that he felt people were trying to teach him things too slowly, so he decided to learn at a faster pace. That's not what I found amusing. The funny thing he said was this (said in your most haughty voice): "I mean, I am a economics/finance major. I can pick up on things a little faster than your average person." I laughed because this is the kind of major snobbery that I found ALL THE TIME in engineering. It was funny to hear someone else say that. Like being in one major makes you intrisically smarter than someone else. He could be flunking out of school for all I know but he must be worlds smarter than someone in a "softer science" major just because of what it says at the top of his transcript. The really funny thing is that engineers always say that anything in business is just so brain numbingly easy it is a joke. (caveat: I've never said that because I've never taken a business class, so I have no way to compare the two)

Monday, August 23, 2004

Mounting Frustration

So I've decided that I definatley, positively do not like working.

Today is the first day of classes at CU and I would give my right arm to be heading back to class.

Last night we sat around Colin's kitchen after gorging ourselves on sushi and talked about classes. I really love college and I miss the freedom.

My job is feeling like a huge ball and chain. I just keep trying to get into work earlier and earlier in the hopes that it will make the 8 hours go by faster.

Anyway, this weekend was pretty fun. Colin had some really dreamy friends come into town. We hiked on Saturday morning, then I went to the CU football scrimmage, crashed a BBQ of someone that I've met once, and then watched the Olympics. Sunday we did church, then went tubing down Boulder Creek (which was SOOOOOO cold), and made sushi for family dinner. All in all pretty great.

The mailman was retarded which at the time really upset me, but now I am numb to it and just annoyed.

Eric was weird to me and didn't call me when he said he would, but made up for it by calling and talking to me for an hour last night.

Friday, August 20, 2004

You raise me up....

Last night Eric and I went to the Josh Groban concert together. I never would have gone to this show if it wasn't for him. He is a really big fan of the Grobster, so I got him tickets back in May for our 4 month anniversary (lame, I know, but you do lame things when you are in love). Anyway, we broke up a week after I bought the tickets. Honestly, I really hadn't been looking forward to the show, but I spent freakin $75 a ticket, so we were going.

I'm so glad we did.

The concert was amazing. I only knew one of the songs he sang, but they were all so beautiful and he sang with such emotion. Plus, he had a violinist that was just amazing. It made me want to go home and practice. That's what a good concert does to me...makes me want to be better.

He sang one song that was about the saddness of a loved one dying and how they're always with you after they're gone and I lost it. Most times I think I've pretty much dealt with the pain of my aunt dying three months ago, and then it will hit me out of nowhere. I was just sobbing there at the concert. Eric just let me cry, which is just what I needed. It's nice to have him for a friend becuase he really knows me.

After the show I made a comment about how that was the last thing we had together and it marked the complete end of our relationship. Then we said goodbye. And that, my friends, is what we call closure.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

My vacation

So I guess the best way to get all this stuff down is to break it up into a day-by-day report.

Worked half a day and then took off to start my adventure. As I was pumping my gas at the station, the mailman called me and asked if I was still in town. I said yes. He said that he wished he could see me before I left because he had something for my trip. I said that his house was actually on my way out of town, so I could stop by for a few minutes. He said good and we hung up. I drove over there and he got me a copy of The Alchemist. I guess it is one of his favorite books. I was really impressed. I love it when people get me books that mean a lot to them. I get a little insight into who they are. Also, he got me a Pepsi. So thoughtful, so nice, so perfect, so leaving in a week.

This strange girl from the ward asked if she could ride over to Utah with me. Being the good Samaritan that I am, I said sure. Actually, I figured that she would offer to help with the gas money...What a naive fool. Anyway, because she was going home to her house in Clearfield (north of Salt Lake) I decided to drive through Wyoming, which is a totally ugly, long, nast drive. When I got up to her house she informed me that she was moving to Utah, which meant that not only did I offer to give her a ride, but I offered to help her move all her crap. I tried to put on a smile and help out, but I was annoyed. I hate moving and I felt like I got tricked into doing it.

We took off an hour later than I had planned, but it was alright. She was really weird and entertaining to talk to, so that was nice. We got into a two hour discussion about the natural way she is going about curing her acne. Seriously, we talked about this for two hours. Yikes.

We got to her house in Utah at 11:45 and when she got out of the car she just ran off and played with her cats for 10 minutes. I was just standing there thinking, "get your freakin crap out of my car so I can drive the additional hour down to Orem!"

Got to grandma's (mom's mom) house at 1 in the morning. Collapsed into bed.

For some reason my alarm clock decided not to go off and I woke up at 8:15. My mom's flight arrived at 9:30 so I had to rush to get ready and drive like a crazy person up to Salt Lake. I picked her up and we went to my other grandma's (dad's mom) house to borrow her car. My grandma just cracks me up. She is so funny.

Anyway, we picked up the car and drove back to the airport to get my brother's family. The girls are SO cute! We got all the luggage and headed back to Orem. We played mini golf that night. I did horrible on the front, but I won on the back, so I was happy. We played arcade games and the girls each won a little prize. They are so much fun to be around.

That night I was going to go out with my friend Becky, but my sister, her boyfriend Dan, and my dad got in. We all sat around and talked for a while. At around 10 everyone was winding down. I suggested that Mags and Dan go up Provo canyon and look at the meteor shower. I don't know if they did or not, but it sounded like a fun romantic thing to do. It was something that I would have done if I'd had a boyfriend.

Dad started the day off right with a signature breakfast. He made the bacon right, and the hashbrowns were the right kind (no nasty peppers in them like last time). After breakfast I went to my friend Becky's house. We hung out and talked for a while. She made me blueberry pancakes that were DEliscious. She is such a rad friend. It seems like no matter how much time passes between times that we see each other, things are still the same. I like that.

At 11 we took off to go up to Layton to my cousin's homecoming. His talk was amazing. I'm sure he was a great missionary. I was so impressed by what he said and the familiarity he had with the scriptures. He has changed so much since he left. I was floored.

After church they had a party at his house and there were SO many cute boys. I was overwhelmed. At one point my brother thought it would be funny to tell one of them that I thought he was cute and I wanted him to bring me a drink. I didn't think he'd really do it, but as I watched him in horror walking up to him I knew I would have to act fast. I ran up the hill to their house faster than any Olympic time trial and practically body checked him out of the path of the cute boy. My whole family was watching and Mags said it was the funniest thing she's ever seem me do....EVER.

After the picnic party we stopped by grandma's house to drop of the car. Everyone was exhausted and crashed for a nap, except me and the girls. I showed them the player piano in the basement and we danced around to the music. It was rad. I am the best aunt ever.

When most of the people were awake we all went out to the patio and sat around and chatted. My grandma has installed misters on her patio so that it doesn't get so hot out there. The girls were playing in the mist. Grandma thought it would be fun to show them the bird bath in the back yard and how to drink from the spigot. Grandma also thought it would be a fun game to get her hand wet in the fountain and flick it on Kathryn (my 4 year old niece). Well, she did think it was a fun game and started flicking water back at Grandma. Then, she started flicking it at Dan, which I thought was great. I went out to the spigot with kathryn and she showed me how to drink. She was already soaked from playing in the fountain, so I took a big mouthful and spit it at her. We then spit at each other for a while. Then, she looked up at me with her big blue eyes and said, "let's get Dan." We both took big mouthfuls and ran over to him. She tried to spit it out, but it only came out in a dribble. Then, to the shock of everyone, I hit him full force with my mouthful. The look of pure surprise on his face was priceless. He picked me up and tried to dunk me in the fountain, but stopped short because it is cement and I was flipping around so much he didn't want to hurt me. I turned around and was met with a whole cup full of water to the face. From there it escalated to a full family water fight with two hoses, cups and a watering can. It was great. Everyone but my mom, Maggie, and my sister-in-law Jodi got into it. It was right then that I realized I really like Dan and am totally excited that Maggie is talking seriously with him. Yea! Someone to play with!

Anyway, we were all wearing out Sunday clothes and were soaked. We changed into some of Grandma's clothes and waited for our clothes to dry out. We had KFC for dinner (a Timothy family classic).

By the time we got home everyone was exhausted. We went over to my Aunt Marci's house and roasted marshmallows in her fire pit. I played the guitar and it was awesome to just hang out.

Woke up early and went to Lagoon. I thought it was going to be painful to go with the girls because it would be hot and we'd have to wait in lines, but it was actually a ton of fun. Having Dan there was great because he'd go on the scary rides with me and Nathan. Maggie is a little bit of a baby when it comes to rides. I think this probably stemms back to the whole "getting hit by a car" thing. Anyway, we spent all day on rides and at the water park. I was so tired that I fell asleep in a chair after we'd eaten at Arby's. Me and the 4 year old both got tuckered out.

After getting back to Orem, I called up my freshmen year roommate, Nicole. I went over there and we talked for an hour. She just got back from her mission and was so excited about school. She looked so pretty I was really impressed. I was also really jealous that she was starting back up at school. I miss that. I crave school sometimes.

After hanging out with Nicole, I spent some time with Bryan. Man is that kid good looking! He drove up next to my car on his little scooter and I started to drool. Everytime I see him I get an ego boost because He is so smart and good looking and funny and at one point wanted me. That's always nice for the self esteem.

To fully understand, you have to know some of the history with me and this kid. All through college he was in my classes. We got to be really good friends and I always thought he was totally dreamy. I was always dating someone else, so nothing ever happened until the last few weeks I was in Provo (how typical). After graduation we spent some of the greatest days together. I had one of my top 5 most romantic nights with him the last night he was in Provo. He found a deserted park in the middle of the city and talked and cuddled and kissed. It was perfect. Anyway, he left and I figured I'd never see him again. I stayed in Provo for a month. My very last night in Provo, he called me up and said he was back in town. The summer job he had planned hadn't really worked out and he was back. We spent that night together and it was pretty much text book fairy tale. Anyway, I knew even in the moment that the reason it was like that was because it wasn't real. At the end of last summer I was having a really hard time and I called him out of the blue to say hi. He gave me some of the greatest advice I've ever had. It was really hard to hear at the time, but now I consider him one of my greatest friends because he was blunt and told me what I needed to hear.

anyway, we talked about him going off to law school at NYU. We also talked about Maggie and her boyfriend. Also, I told him about my frustrations with work and how I feel like I'm not going anywhere. He has surprisingly good advice.

We talked about how the hardest trials might not be the big ones that are epic and obviously "trials." Sure, they are hard, but the are clear. The hardest trials might be learning to deal with mediocrity and rising above it. Maybe trying to make the mundane into the incredible is harder than trying to correct the devastating. Anyway, it was a really interesting conversation. It made me want to go back to school so that I can have discussions like that. I want to be surrounded by people like Bryan who challenge me and make me think. That's why I like Colin and Sarah so much. They do that for me here in Colorado. Anyway, as we were saying goodbye, he took me in his arms and held me tight. I knew the chances were good that it was the last time I'd ever see him. I was standing on a step above him, so we were cheek to cheek and I was overcome with the feeling that I was saying goodbye to someone who has such an unlikely candidate to be as great a friend as he turned out to be. Watch out for Bryan because I'm sure he'll take over the world.

We spent Tuesday up at Temple square. Had lunch at the Lion house, went on the tour of the Beehive house, took the tour of the conference center, walked around looking at the temple. While I was on the grounds I looked at my little sister and Dan and I just felt like they were a great match. I think my ragged nerves about the whole thing got smoothed out. I am so grateful for that little bit of peace.

At 5 we went to my cousin's soccer game. She's only in 9th grade and she is starting on the JV team, which is really good in Orem, where everyone plays soccer.

After the game we all went back and had tacos. I taught Maggie, Dan and my cousin Rachel to play CRUD. This is the greatest game and if it is all I get out of knowing the mailman it will have made the friendship worth everything.

After dinner I watched some Olympics and went to bed.

We got up and went down to campus. Mags had to talk to some professors and I just wanted some chocolate milk and an asiago cheese bagel. While we were on campus I just got so happy at the prospect of being back in school. I was excited for the first day of class and just being in the school environment. I think that was confirmation that applying to schools again is the right thing for me to do. It's nice to feel like I have direction again. While I was on campus I saw James, which was great. He looked so happy and I am so proud of him! He's going to have his masters in December and a new baby in June. Everything is working out so well for him. I am way impressed.

We were going to get pedicures, but I decided I had to hit the road for home so I bailed.

The drive was great. Not too hot, so I could drive with the window open the whole way. Except when I got to our side of the mountains and there was a torrential downpour. Great welcome back weather.

I went over to Sarah's to watch Olympics and do laundry. I got to hang out with Amy E and her boyfriend Danny. I guess they've decided to get married next May, but aren't making it official until she has the ring. As soon as Danny's student loans come in, he's going to buy her one. Does that make anyone else laugh?

I guess a bunch of people have decided to go to Mexico again for New Years. I don't think I'll go because I want to go to Amy (my roommate's) wedding and they thoughtlessly decided to stay on their vacation until Jan 10, when her wedding is on the 8th. I think that is so rude. If I were her I'd be SO hurt. Why would you do that to someone you consider a really good friend? I guess some people just have a different view of what loyalty to friends encompasses.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Why I am the biggest loser ever

Last night I went out for dinner with Eric, his brother and Helena. Turns out I actually like Helena a lot and my whole year of preconceived notions about her were totally wrong. I hate it when I realize that I still have that personality flaw.

Anyway, we went to dinner on Pearl and then walked around for a bit. Eric's brother is really funny and nice. I liked him a lot. He is totally different from Eric. I mean TOTALLY different.

Anyway, they weren't really doing anything and the mailman had said that I could come over if I had any time so.....

I called him up at like 9 and asked if he was ready for me. He said he was in Boulder, but on his way home. I said that was cool and asked him to call me when I could come over.

My stomach really hurt from dinner so I decided to lay down on my bed to let it settle before I went over there. I'm sure you can guess what happened. I fell asleep at 9:30. Well, turns out he called me three times to come over, texted me twice, drove over to my house to check on me, started freaking out that something bad happened to me, called me two more times, and sent me another text. This morning I texted him and told him what happened. He told me he was really worried because it isn't like me at all to just drop of the face of the earth like that. The only time I'm ever without my phone is at church, so he thought I'd been hit by a bus or something. Pretty cute of him to be so worried about me. I told him I was bummed that I missed him last night (and I am) because I don't think we'll be able to see each other again. He said again that we'd hang out again because he has something to give me. A present? Interesting. I wonder what he would get me.

Anyway, I'm leaving this afternoon to drive over to Utah. My sister and her bf are driving down so she'll have her car there when school starts. My parents are flying from Spokane and my brother, his wife, and their two little girls are flying from Seattle. I'm excited to see everybody, but Utah isn't really my ideal vacation destination. I live there for 4 years. I'm totally Utah-ed out. At least I'll be able to see some of my rad friends that I haven't seen in FOREVER.

Thursday, August 12, 2004


So I'm pretty sure the universe is completely balanced.

This morning I got into work and hated my job. I was hating the guy I work for and the stuff I'm doing and just everything about work.

Then, my functional manager called me.

Turns out I got a 5% raise that will be retroactively applied back to the beginning of July.

All of the sudden things don't look so bad.

Work is worth coming to every day.


I spent the rest of the morning wandering around campus talking to friends and enjoying the perfect 75 degree, blue skies day outside.

Then I went and got my car's registration renewed.

It was only $300, when I was expecting it to be $400.


Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Another rainy Tuesday night

So yesterday wasn't very eventful. I went to the grocery store after work and I only got 4 items: eggs, brownie mix, Doritos Guacamole chips, and a pepsi. Healthy dinner, eh? I made the brownies and took some over for Eric, since they are his favorites. We watched a new dating reality show called outback jack. Those things are always so dumb. I made comments through the whole show, which I'm sure was totally annoying for Eric. How can people think they are in love with someone they've only known a few weeks? Especially if those few weeks don't consist of any reality and it is completely staged? I just don't get it. You have to be as dumb as rocks to believe you are able to really get to know someone while shooting a TV show.

I left Eric's at around 8 because the mailman and I had planned to "hang out." Just as I got home a huge rain storm broke. It was torrential, and the hail was gnarly. Once again I was thankful for covered parking. I watched the storm from my big bedroom window. It was awesome.

The mailman didn't call me until 8:45, and didn't come over until 9:30. Lame.

We met up with Sarah and Colin at Bova's Frozen Custard in Boulder. The flavor of the day was Pralines and Cream, which is my absolute fave! We walked around the hill for a while. It was strange. Sarah and I walked in front talking and the mailman and Colin walked behind us talking.

After custard, we drove back to my house and sat around talking until 2:30 in the morning. It was kind of lame because he kept telling me the same stories that he's already told me. Another exciting part of the convo was when we talked about his ex-girlfriends. Actually, this is his favorite topic to talk about. Annoying.

I told him I was disappointed because he didn't meet my parents this weekend and he said he was sorry he didn't get to meet them. Whatever, obviously not sorry enough to have tried to meet them.

When he left I said goodbye because since I'm leaving Friday for my family vacation and he's leave Sunday for a week at Lake Powell, I probably won't get to see him again for a while. After Lake Powell he is either going straight back to BYU, or he'll come back to Colorado to go on a backpacking trip with his family. Either way, I probably won't get to spend the evening alone with him again. As we were saying goodbye he said that he had something for me still, so it wasn't the last, real goodbye. I said "cool" but in my mind I thought, "yeah, right."

Anwyay, tonight is girls night and we're all going to see princess diary 2. Looks like the movie will be retarded, but it will be fun to be out with all the girls. Amy (my roommate) might even come because Erik (her fiance) started football camp this week so now she has ample spare time. That is freakin AWESOME! I get my best friend back! Hooray!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

The new most quote-able movie on the planet

Stand aside Billy Madison. Tommy Boy, get out of the way. Zoolander, you'll have to move to the back of the bus, becuase Napolean Dynamite is the newest, most quote-able movie of our generation. If you haven't seen it, you just won't get it. Check this out!



So I've decided that I am going to be stuck doing FHE until I have learned the importance of it and love serving in my calling. That is why I've been doing the same thing for over a year. I wish there was a way I could improve my attitude, but I just really don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. It wouldn't be so bad if I was in charge because then I would just have fun outdoors things every week and good food. Since I'm not in charge, just a lowly cog in the machine, I have to be supportive of activities that I think are lame. For example, last night we played mad libs. It was a beautiful day outside and we sat in the institute building trying to come up with funny stories that were just lame. My real concern is that we NEVER do any kind of service. Its really a shame and a waste of people who are probably willing to help whenever they can.

The mailman was there, but he came late so I couldn't talk to him before the activity. I couldn't talk to him during the activity because I was on the other team, then I had to cut and serve the brownies I made (and will not be reimbursed for). After that I was going to go talk to him, but he was on his phone, so I decided to call Kathy (my bff) back. We talked a while and when I got off, the mailman was on his way out the door to go play hockey. Whatever.

On my way home I thought that maybe it was more my fault that we weren't talking. I mean, its not like I make it really easy for him or anything. I called up and asked when I could schedule some time into his busy social calendar. He said we could hang out Tuesday (today). He was really excited sounding, so turns out he isn't trying to avoid me. Good news. So now we are hanging out tonight and I feel like I have to come up with something to do. Ugh. All I really want to do it go to Bova's frozen yogurt for white chocolate tonight. Any other ideas?

Today I'm going to lunch with my friend Patrick from work. He is really cool and is reading Atlas Shrugged right now. That book is so good and if someone likes it I immediately feel like I have a connection with them. That and the Harry Potter books. I'm such a nerd.

Derek called me yesterday, but I was already in bed. It was quite a surprise to hear from him, since he isn't the best in the world at keeping in touch. Every time I hear his voice it makes me smile and remember how happy I was when I was his close friend/girlfriend. What a kid!

shopping spree

I know you guys probably don't care all that much, but yesterday's lunchtime shopping outing was quite a sucess. I got a pair of green pants, peach hoodie, and teal sweater. I also got a blue t-shirt, but I couldn't find a pic of it.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Parental Visitation

Friday after work I drove out to pick my parents up from the airport. I left with plenty of time to get there, but didn't count on the traffic, so I was still on the road when my mom called from the terminal. Boo, I wanted to be there waiting when they walked into the terminal. Oh well, I found a parking lot (barely) and kind of ran into the building. Took the escalator up to the baggage claims and saw my parents. They are the coolest ever. My mom and I talked while my dad got the bags. Within 15 minutes of seeing me, they both made comments about what I was wearing. I didn't know if I should take it as a compliment, or what, so I just ignored it. We drove to Boulder, got my dad a knee brace, and went to dinner on Pearl St. My parents thought the waitress was on drugs, and she very well might have been. She kept saying things about how the greens were "organic" and the meat was free range. This just cracked my dad up.

Saturday morning we woke up and headed out to my contest. We got there late because I am a retard and didn't mapquest the right place. I was nervous that they weren't going to let me play, but it turned out that my division was last in the day, so I wouldn't be playing until like 4 in the afternoon. We sat around and listened to the little kids who were worlds better than I am, and during the fiddling break there were some nationally ranked cloggers come to exhibition, which was cool. It made me want to break out the old clogs and join a studio...or at least clog in my garage. I played alright, and since I was the only person who signed up to be in my division, I won. $75! I was stoked. I was even more stoked that Eric and Colin came to see me play. I don't know why, but I am always floored when my friends go out of their way to support me. Its not like it isn't anything I wouldn't do for them, but it just seems to mean more. Especially from Eric.

After the contest, my parents took me, Eric and Colin out to dinner. We ate at Rhumba on Pearl St. The food was great, but our waiter was a weirdo. When he was telling us the specials he too kept emphasizing the organic nature of everything. My dad started laughing, and I had a hard time. Especially when he said something was "dusted with carrot powder." Boulder is a strange place for sure.

Church on Sunday was nice. Afterward, all of my friends sat around for a while and talked with my parents, which was so cool. My mom was being really funny.

One thing to note, the mail man didn't say hi or talk to me all day. Retarded. If the situation was reversed I would for sure go up to him and let myself be introduced to his parents. I thought the deal was that we were going to be friends first and foremost. He didn't even act like I was there or that he knew me. Lame.

After I took them back to the airport, I went for family dinner. We had fajitas, and played frisbee afterward. While we were eating dinner this random dog of the apartment above Colin's decided it would be cool to just wander between our legs and under the table because we were sitting out on the patio. Why do dog owners think that everyone loves their animal as much as they do? I guarantee you, we DON'T.

Today I'm meeting Amy and Sarah at Urban Outfitter as high noon because they are having a sale and that $75 prize money is burning a hole in my pocket.

I'm not your F-ing secretary!

So since I moved up into this office I've been told to 1)fix the copier 2) run down to another department to pick up some copies 3) run off some handouts for someone else's meeting which made me late to my own meeting and caused my lead to make a comment in front of my whole team about being on time to meetings 4) make coffee.

I'm pretty sure none of these tasks fall into the job requirement of associate engineer. UGH!

Thursday, August 05, 2004


I just walked down 5 flights of stairs to get to the closest vending machine. All I want is a little bag of rold gold pretzels and the machine won't take my dollar. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

That's just how much I love my friends

So I've lived away from home now for 5 years, and this is the first year that I have really felt all alone and grown up. All through college I lived within a 10 minute drive of my grandma and aunt. They would take care of me, feed me when I was starving, give me a place of refuge when I couldn't handle the stresses of single life, you know...family support.

Now that I am in Colorado and completely without family I realize how important they are to me. I also realize how lucky I was to have them during college. Also, I realize how important it is for me to have a surrogate family here. It is really comforting to know that I have people in my life who just sit there and let me cry on their shoulders if I really need to. No judgement, no attempted problem solving, just there to help and love me. Those people have no idea how much they mean to me. I don't know what I'd do without them...probably move away from here.

So yesterday I was accused of not working hard at my job (by the mailman) and it REALLY hurt my feelings. I'm not a slacker, and I hate that my job isn't more challenging for me. For someone to just make fun of the effort that I do put in really hurts. I'm frustrated by the fact that work isn't really hard and totally consuming, and to have someone say that's MY fault is hard to hear. Although, in reality it may be my fault. Maybe I should be doing more or working harder or finding interesting things to research or learn instead of just completing my assigned role to the best of my ability. Stuff to think about.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Grad School Stuff

I had a little down time at work today, so I thought I'd start the search of schools and programs to see what my options are. I went to Stanford first (of course) and there are two professors that have really interesting areas of research. Both are in design.

When I graduated from BYU I thought that the thermal and fluid sciences were the most interesting to me. After a few years of being away from school I realize I just liked them because everyone thought they were hard and I would feel like the smartest person if that were my real interest. Now, I just really don't think that is the stuff I like. I really like the idea of learning better ways to design things and make them more useful for consumers. This falls perfectly into the description of one of the profs at Stanford (my dream school).

I think tomorrow I'll email him and see what specifically he does for his research. Any suggestions on how to go about proving to him that I am the BEST qualified grad student and he would be a fool not to fully fund my education?!?!

Monday, August 02, 2004

Why I love Colorado

Growing up I never really did very many athletic/outdoorsy things. I grew up in Seattle where it rains 9 months of the year, making any kind of hiking or camping pretty hard. Plus, my mom grew up in Utah, so she had attitude about skiing on slushy snow. As a result I ended up doing mostly indoor things. I play the violin, love going to the movies, know my way around the Seattle science center like a pro, and have been to the best aquariums in the world.

When I moved out to Colorado I was all of the sudden thrust into a totally foreign environment. People here don't know how to do anything but play outside. It is just a given that everyone is into mountain biking, rock climbing and snow skiing. Well, I've decided that instead of letting the fact that I am really bad at this stuff because I just haven't been exposed stop me from trying it, I'd give it a whirl. I LOVE this stuff. Sometimes I wake up dreaming of a bluebird ski day in the middle of the summer.

Saturday morning I went out to the lake to try windsurfing for the first time. This is a GREAT sport! The wind was really light in the morning so I was able to really get the feel of pulling the sail up out of the water and sheeting into the wind. A little bit later the wind picked up and I was truckin across the water. It was WAY cool.

This morning I went waterskiing before coming into work. I can get up on one ski pretty regularly, but sometimes I cut too hard coming back into the wake and I end up eating it. My body is going to be REALLY sore tomorrow. Good thing the mail man hinted that he might give me a back massage tonight. (cross your fingers)

Tonight at FHE we are playing ultimate frisbee. I'm actually becoming one of the better players. I never knew it, but half of being good at sports is just thinking that you are actually good at it. This is something that I learned up on the slopes at Vail. If you grit your teeth and believe that you can get down a hill, you usually can.

Everyone probably is like, "duh" to this realization, but I have never really been sporty at all, so it is a new thing for me.

At church on sunday the mail man completely ignored me and talked with his exgirlfriend the WHOLE three hours. I was really annoyed, but then I realized that he's not my boyfriend, and I've only known him for two months. He dated his exgirlfriend for over a year, so obvioulsy their friendship means more to him than ours does. It just hurts a little to realize that, you know?

Last night we were over having family dinner at Amy's house (not my roommate Amy, another one). It was the best group of people. Eric, Brett, Amy, Kristian, and Jocelyn. That Jocelyn is just so cool. I really feel lucky to know her. She is so laid back and chill all the time, I really need to work on being more like that. By the end of the night Amy had pulled out a big piece of cardboard and she and Eric were attempting to breakdance on it. Too bad neither of them really know what they were doing, but they looked good doing it. Again, there was another awkward moment with Eric. I don't want to date him at all, but sometimes I find myself thinking that making out with him really wouldn't be all that bad.

During church yesterday I said something really mean to a good friend and instantly knew I shouldn't have said it. For some reason my big annoying pride got pricked and I didn't have the guts to admit I had been in the wrong and say I was sorry. I tried to talk to him after church, but he left right away. Then, I saw him again later that night and by then I just felt dumb about the whole thing. I should have just said I was sorry right away. Why can't I accept reproof?

As a sidenote: Mags, you will notice that there is no description of what I ate all weekend. Pretty impressive huh?!?!