Wednesday, June 30, 2004

One year anniversary

One year ago today I started working with my company. They gave me a keychain to commemorate the event. Pretty impressive, huh?!?

Very bad things

Yesterday after work I stopped by the mall on the way home. This new guy I am interested in works at Nordstrom, which is very bad for two reasons. First, Nordstrom is my weakness. I love the store. I don't need any excuse to go in a drop my money like a 20 lb brick. Actually giving me a reason to go there is really bad. Secondly, it is on my way home from work, so I can't avoid going by and thinking, "I bet he is at work, and my wardrobe could use a little infusion." Anyway, he wasn't at work, and this time I actually asked someone if he was there. I am such a nerd and kind of afraid that I am a scary stalker girl. Must get my head back on body and let him come to me.

Went out with Marie for dinner at Naked Fish. The salmon was actually not bad, even though I live in a landlocked state. The only kind of annoying thing was that we opted to sit outside on the patio and the when the breeze blew through the trees little bits of nasty nature fell into our plates. Kind of gross, but c'est la vie.

Afterward I went with Marie to her church services. She goes to first Presbyterian in Boulder. The speaker made some really interesting points and pretty much all of her talk could have been given over the pulpit at my church, so I was fairly comfortable. After the lesson, everyone got up and was mingling and talking. I didn't know anybody and it felt like the first time you show up at a singles ward. You're just standing around looking for anybody to talk to you and be nice. Luckily, a few people did so I felt alright about that. On the plus side, there was a far denser population of good looking boys in her church. That's always nice.

It started to rain pretty hard so we decided to skip the traditional trek to coldstone and I came home. On my way home I talked to this kid named Ryan on the phone. I invited him to go camping with my crew for the weekend. After finding out more details about the trip he decided not to come, which was a bummer, but the whole phone conversation really pumped me up. I was actually funny and interesting on the phone, and we talked for almost 15 minutes, which is really good for me since I hate talking the phone. Anyway, he practically asked me out for sometime next week. Stay posted for more info.

Also, my death crush from 5 years ago called me up to talk. I didn't get the phone, but he left a message. It was nice to hear his voice. I like talking to people from the past because it reminds me of how much I have grown up and improved.

Lastly, I called up my good friend Alan and convinced him to come camping with us this weekend. He hurt his knee, so he was considering not coming. Then, I reminded him that 1) we won't be doing any backpacking so there won't be two packs for him to carry and 2) he is going with me and I don’t really DO strenuous physical activity. I am really excited for him to meet all my friends and be social because sometimes I worry he is just sitting down there in New Mexico going to work every day, riding his dirt bike every evening and going to bed without having talked to a single person all day. Yikes.

So all this male attention is making me feel normal again. It is really hard for me to not have it since the last two years at BYU I was surrounded by guys and although it was all just platonic (except for Derek of course) I still miss having those kinds of friendships.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

The Bane of my Existence

Once again, the foul odor of cornuts is permeating the air I have to breathe. How can people enjoy eating those nasty little pieces of putrescence? I am considering turning this blog into an anti-cornuts awareness website where I lobby for the governmental ban on the production and consumption of this seemingly innocuous afternoon snack.

Being a "Joiner"

So last night was FHE, again. I went, again. None of my normal circle of friends from the whole past year went. I started getting frustrated because I didn't understand the mentality of just sitting around and not going. I had a really good time with the people that were there, even though they weren't my "closest" friends. Once again I realized the importance of being a "joiner." You miss so much in life if you think you are "too cool" for things. Almost anything can be fun if you show up with a positive attitude. I learned this from one of my greatest friends, Derek. I think this is an important quality, and one I value in others.

I spent a lot of time with this guy last night, and I think I feel the beginnings of a crush forming, which is exciting. Last night was the first time I didn't have one dream about my ex-boyfriend, and when I woke up in the morning I didn't think of him at all until I realized that I hadn't thought about him. It is true that finding another distraction helps you get over the previous one. Anyway, I think I am going to start a full out assault on this kid and see what happens. Wow, that sounds really scary. By "full out assault" I mean I'll call him up some time and see if we can hang out. I'm so aggressive.

Anyway, another interesting thing that happened to me yesterday: I was just sitting in my nice little cubical and all of this sudden this stranger came in. He said, "I know this may be a little forward, but would you be interested in having lunch with me some time this week? Tuesday or Thursday works best for me." I was really surprised and said sure, for Thursday. I'm really excited because stuff like this hardly ever happens to me. Plus, I'm always up for meeting new people. It is kind of hard for me to meet people outside of my church. It is just so easy to let church people be my entire social world. I need to remember to branch out and find other people who have my same interests. I need to not be socially lazy so much and be a little more proactive.

So tonight my friend Marie and I are going out to dinner at a new restaurant on Pearl called Naked Fish. I'm way excited because I haven't been able to hang out with her in FOREVER and she is one of the coolest chicks I know here.

This is my schedule for the day (just so all of you who aren't in corporate America understand how dumb working is)

7:30 arrive at work and begin checking email, reading friend's blogs, writing my own blog

8:20 make myself some hot chocolate and go talk to my co-worker about how dumb the software that we use is.

9:00 go to a mandatory meeting about Export control. I will probably spend the time during this meeting looking around to see if there is anyone cute in the whole auditorium, followed by a hour of trying not to doze off.

11:00 drive up to Boulder for my monthly group meeting

11:30 lunch and group meeting (I haven't gone to one of these in the year I've worked with the company were I didn't doze a little)

1:30 get back to my cubical and check my email again, and my voice mail. Probably spend the next 30 minutes answering the questions left on my machine.

2:00 meet with the guy who stood me up for the meeting yesterday to talk about design requirements for a heat exchanger I'm designing.

3:00 get started on my heat exchanger

4:00 check my email again, check my phone again, fill out my time card

4:30 go home.

All in all I got paid for 8 hours of work, but actually I only did 1 hour. Pretty impressive, huh.

Monday, June 28, 2004

My Guestbook

Today two people, who I hardly get to talk to ever but I miss terribly, told me that they follow this thing every day. I had no idea they were interested in my exploits. Just for an ego boost for me, and for some information, why don't you take a minute to sign the guestbook and show me that you're reading. Thanks so much! (make sure to notice that my mom signed my book. At least she thinks I'm cool)

Weekend Report

Where to start...

The interview. I showed up a little early just to be on the safe side. I sat outside of the conference room getting a more and more nervous. Ten minutes after 3 this guy came up to me and showed me in. There were supposed to be 3 guys interviewing me, but only one showed up at first. He sat me down and talked to me for 45 minutes about the work they do. I was somewhat interested. Then, a second guy came in. The first guy left and the second guy repeated what the first guy had said almost word for word. After that experience I don't think I want the job because it sounds like a life sentence. Once I get in there and got trained I would never be able to leave or try something else. I'm just too new to engineering to limit my options and experiences like that. Plus, this morning I was talking to my friend Lenny and he made it seem like taking that job would be a really big mistake. He knew two other people who were being interviewed for the position and they are all experienced and know what they are doing. I was kind of flattered to be lumped into a group with those other people. Lenny said that there might be a job for me working with him on his program, so I'm going to feel that option out.

Friday morning we packed up and took off for Durango. The drive down was pretty exciting. We almost got Sarah to pee behind a building. That is one thing that kind of drives me nuts. People who have to pee every hour on road trips. Luckily, this time we didn't really have a deadline to get to where we were going, so it didn't really bother me. Durango is the most beautiful place yet I've seen in Colorado. Well, maybe a tie with Granby. The mountains are all around and it was so green from all the rain we've been having. Friday evening we walked around by Amy's cabin and then made hot dogs over the fire. All 5 of us tried to sleep in one bed, but in the middle of the night I gave up and moved over to the couch. I need to be able to feel like I can move in the night.

Saturday we got up, ate WAY to much breakfast, and took off on a hike. It started to hail while we were hiking and the hail was really sticky, so instead of bouncing off like normal hail, it stuck to everything and got us really wet. We almost missed the coolest waterfall because it wasn't next to the trail. On our way out we were walking at the same level as the water and about 5 minutes later we saw it about 100 ft below us. Sarah realized that there must have been a fall somewhere, so we left the trail, slid down a hill and walked up the river. We finally saw the fall in the distance and called back for everyone to follow us. Finding the waterfall made the trip worth the drive for me. It was SO cool (photos to come). Also on the way back, Sarah had to pee, so she let the group go ahead. There was a little tree bent over the path, and she decided to hurtle over it while running so she could catch up. Well, because she was focused on the obstacle in front of her, she tripped on a root and completely face planted on the path. She wasn't hurt, except for a couple of banged up knees. We made interesting life analogies about looking too far ahead and missing the important things in the present. We are nerds.

After we got back from the hike we went to Purgatory (a ski resort, not a Dante location) to see if we could ride the alpine slide. Because of bad weather, they had closed the lift, but to our surprise there was a really creepy Celtic festival going on. I love going to these weird things where normal people loose their minds, dress up in renaissance garb, and pretend they aren't the boring people that they are. There was a booth were a guy was selling real swords, and another one where you could look up your last name and see your coat of arms. I looked up my mom's maiden name and found that our family motto is: To hope for better things. I thought those were good words to live by. We went back to the cabin, and made chicken fajitas over the fire (SO GOOD). Sarah was the main chef for the meal, and while cooking one of the rocks of the fire circle flipped over and nailed her in the shin.

After dinner we went to the hot springs and relaxed in the water. The warm pool was my favorite, but I had to not think about the warm nasty water that didn't have any chlorine in it to kill all the grossness coming off the 20 other bodies in the pool. Although, since I was the one who hadn't showered that day and had hiked for the majority of it, my body was probably emanating the most grossness.

Sunday morning breakfast was my meal. I got up before everyone, started the fire and breakfast. Right when they all woke up I had it done. I would have been such a good pioneer mom. After breakfast of pancakes, sausage, hash browns, strawberries and peaches, we cleaned up the cabin. By this time I was feeling so gross and dirty it was unreal. We went to purgatory and since the weather was nice we got to ride down the alpine slide. Colin and I raced down and I schooled him. True, he was at a disadvantage because the grass we growing over his track. It whipped him in the face, causing him to loose his balance, and his shoes. We had to wait at the bottom for the next people to bring his shoes back down to him.

Then, we went out to X-rock and went climbing. It was really fun. I've done some indoor climbing, and I didn't really care much for it. This was my first time outdoors and it was GREAT! I got to do 3 climbs and from the top I could look out over the whole valley. It was just amazing. I wish I had a digital camera to take pictures of everything (hint hint). I had to use Abbey's harness and Sarah's shoes, which was a bummer. Maybe those will be my next purchases (or a good birthday present).

From X-rock we just packed it all up and drove home. I played the best prank of my life on the way home. Just after getting down from the major pass, we stopped at a little gas station. Amy went to the bathroom before me, and left the keys in the bathroom. I was just about to tell her that and give them back when the diabolical side of my brain kicked into gear. I slipped them into my pocket and said nothing. We went back to the car and Amy realized she didn’t have the keys. She started freaking out, and she and Sarah went back into the gas station to look for them. Then, Colin and I moved the car out of sight ran back to the station and told them that someone had stolen the car. The look on their faces was priceless. They really started freaking out and then Colin tossed them the keys. One of them said, "How did someone steal the car without the keys?" Then we told them that it was just behind the other building. It was great. I was completely satisfied.

Now I am back at work and my poor little body is SO tired. It's not used to this kind of physical strain.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

New Job

I didn't think that I wanted this new position in the detector lab so badly, but the closer my interview gets the more anxious I am. All three of the heads of the department are going to interview me at once, which will be a little intimidating. I can just picture it now. All three of them will be sitting behind a large shining mahogany desk staring down at me in a rickety rolling office chair with orange upholstery. The room will be a little dark and shadowy except for the one bright hanging lamp above my head. They will ask me questions about how to calculate the current flowing through a huge looped circuit and as the beads of perspiration start to develop on my forehead I will look to the ceiling trying to remember some fact I found trivial in school that would now impress them and show them I am worthy of such a prestigious position. Yikes!

My interview is at 3 this afternoon in Boulder, so by 2:30 this work week will be over for me. I'm heading down to Durango for the weekend with a group of friends, so there won't be any posts until I get back on Monday.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


I started reading Screwtape Letters again, and this time I read it with a pen. There are so many interesting ideas that are mentioned in there and for me it totally helps to make notes in the book. This may make me a bigger nerd than anyone originally supposed, but I'm willing to bare that burden. The book is WAY good, and I'd suggest it to anyone who wants a little introspection.

During work I had some interesting email correspondence with a friend. I'm so glad it happened, because it cleared up a lot of issues between us. Hopefully we can just move on now. The only thing is it would have been so much easier to just talk about it a month ago instead of me having to be a detective to try to understand how he felt. On the other hand, I probably needed the time to really come to grips with the truth.

After work I went shopping and found the cutest skirt and Nordstrom (my home away from home). I probably shouldn't have bought it since I still need to buy a washer and dryer, but it was just SO cute. Plus, I haven't bought any new clothes in over a month. What am I working so hard for if I don't allow myself some carefree spending?

I stopped by the men's department to see if my friend was at work. He is my crush's younger brother and I still haven’t yet decided if I want to pursue the older or younger version. Is the brother switch possible if I change my mind half way through the summer? He wasn't at work, so I didn't get to see him. Then, I stopped by Galyans to watch Eric ring people up for a minute. He is so proficient at that.

A big group of us went to dinner because a missionary that served in our ward came back for a visit. It was weird to see him as a normal kid and meet his family and stuff. I got sucked into a long conversation with his mom, which was really strange. She kept asking me questions and then she was listening so intently to my answers that it kind of creeped me out. I had a hard time maintaining eye contact. Anyway, when they left she gave me a big hug and then held me there while she told me that I had to come out to California and stay with them some time. I was like, "thanks, I will for sure," but I was thinking, "no way, you psycho."

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Vegetable Car Derby

So last night for FHE we brought in a bunch of vegetables and toothpicks and had people make cars out of them. Then, we raced them down a partially collapsed table. I thought this activity was going to be lame, but it was actually pretty funny to see someone let a potato with 4 zucchini wheels go and see it come to a halt half way down the ramp. Plus, my new crush came and he was dreamy, so that made it worth while. I know I said I was going to avoid romantic entanglements this summer, but he is going back to school at the end of the summer, so this has the potential to be a fun summer fling. I was getting a pretty good vibe from across the room, but right after the activity was over I had to go to our weekly FHE committee meeting and by the time that was over he had left. Lame. I hope he comes to institute on Wednesday.

I also got my hair cut yesterday. It was REALLY cute and I wish I had a digital camera so I could show you all, but unfortunately I don't have one. (My birthday is coming up soon, hint, hint)

Monday, June 21, 2004

Father's Day

50 cool things about my dad:

1. My mom taught early morning seminary when my sister and I were in high school. Even though he didn't have to get up, he woke up at 5:30 and made us breakfast every morning. It was a huge sacrifice, but meant so much to me. To this day I don't really like pancakes because he once made them with 7-up and ruined them for life.
2. He watches C-span in the morning.
3. He wears a housecoat we affectionately refer to as "the coat of many colors" which isn't really long enough, and has no problem going out to get the mail wearing it.
4. When he gets mad coaching little league football he throws his hat to the ground and steps on it.
5. He can make friends with anyone.
6. He is the best pillow for naps during church.
7. Someone once said that the guy who marries me will be lucky, not because I am such a catch, but because my dad is so cool.
8. He gives the world's worst backrubs.
9. He thinks Elton John is the musical equal of Brahms and Beethoven.
10. He really loves my mom.
11. He has an amazing testimony of the gospel.
12. He makes the best fried potatoes.
13. He likes brussel sprouts almost as much as I do.
14. He can throw my brother over the back of the couch and never have to get up out of his seat.
15. He "gets allergies" when he says the words to give said the little stream.
16. He taught me to love football, even though I can't really throw a ball.
17. He thinks I am beautiful.
18. He knows all the words to the frist line of a million songs.
19. He always sees the good in people.
20. He is one of the hardest working people I know.
21. He can professionally install carpet.
22. He always buys treats at the movies.
23. He totally pulls off the "blonde" hairs that are starting to sprout up.
24. He is a total sucker for his grandkids.
25. He is the best dancer ever, (to see what he dances like, just watch Jack Black in School of Rock).
26. He is personally watching the career of Washington State Football player Jeremy Williams to make sure he doesn't get overlooked.
27. He has always been great to my boyfriends, even if he doesn't really like them.
28. He can build a really great fence.
29. His grass looks better than the neighbor's who had it professionally planted.
30. He thinks it is cool that my mom is a garden fanatic.
31. He always puts up Christmas lights.
32. He was a great example of strength and reliance on God's love to me when my aunt died.
33. He loves unconditionally.
34. He is always the one willing to sacrifice for family.
35. He and I have the same vacation style (we both like to DO things on a vacation instead of sit there and relax)
36. He encourages me to try new things, even if I am afraid I'll be bad at them.
37. He always thinks I am popular, even though I'm really not.
38. He thinks I'm funny.
39. He attended every violin concert while I was growing up, even thought he probably wished they were football games.
40. He thinks I'm a rocket scientist.
41. His favorite store at the mall is Williams & Sonoma.
42. He makes the best muffins.
43. Someday he will own a sports car.
44. He can play the harmonica like a champ!
45. He is my personal hero.
46. He is on the Washington State alumni football club, but went to Utah State.
47. He drives a tool box on wheels, every guy's dream.
48. He can fix pretty much anything, given enough time.
49. He raised two of the girliest girls on the planet.
50. I love him SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Good News

Today my functional manager called and told me that I might be moving to a different department beginning in July. I am really excited about this because it is a chance to learn a completely different discipline. And, since it is completely different for me, they won't be expecting much. I can impress them with how fast I can pick up on things. The position is going to be in the detector lab here at my company. I'll probably spend a year learning all about how to design them and how to use them. Then, I'll probably start doing a lot of traveling to vendors, and being leased out to different programs to give them design advice as an "expert" in the field. I am way excited. The only hitch is that they leader of the lab wanted a senior designer (which I am far from). My functional thought that what I lacked in experience I could make up with enthusiasm. The other hitch is that there are a few people up for the job, so I have to interview to see if I am the best fit for the job. I really hope I get it, as it seems like something small enough within the company that I could really excel at. Just thought I'd share my good news with everyone.

Be prepared

Alright, so the quasi date was supposed to happen last night. I worked until 5 (way later than usual) and then went home. It was a downpour, so I had already decided to bail on the invitation to play Frisbee golf. At around 6 the guy called me and asked me if I still wanted to go. I politely declined citing the torrential downpour as my excuse. Plus, I just started a book that is proving to be way cooler than I thought it would be. This is how the conversation went:

Him: so we are probably going to play at 7
Me: Umm, I don't really think I want to run around in the rain
Him: yeah, that’s what I told the guys, but they are still going to play so....
Me: Well, I really don't want to be outside, so maybe we can just hang out some other time. Thanks so much for inviting me, but I just don't think so. (this is me trying to end the conversation)
Him: Well, how was work today (this was him trying to keep the conversation going)
Me: Not bad, (me confused at why he didn't take the hint that I didn't want to talk more)

What proceeded was about 20 minutes of him trying to "get to know me" like we were on a date or something. You have to understand that I HATE talking on the phone. I just can't do it. It was bad. I kept trying to make jokes and after everyone there was a little pause of silence like he didn't think they were funny. The whole vibe I was getting was that he was really interested in me. I just don't want to lead this kid on at all because he is the type of guy who is just so nice I would never want to hurt his feelings. Also, he is too nice, I would probably never want to date him either. I'm just trying to avoid all romantic entanglements this summer.

So when I finally got off the phone I was drained. I tried to tell my roommate about it, but she was busy falling asleep while cuddling with her boyfriend, so she really didn’t give me the sympathetic response that I needed. I tried to relate this concern of someone maybe liking me and me not liking them to Eric, but he was of no help either. He just said, "Well, I don't know what to tell you." Maybe it is still too soon to go to him for guy advice.

Anyway, I read the whole evening and then went over to steal some of Brett's butterscotch chip cookies. They were delish!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

The exciting life of a singleton

Yesterday after work I went to my fiddling lesson. My teacher informed me that she was going to movie to Idaho in August to be with her boyfriend. This came as a total shock to me, and it really sucks because I am just getting confident in my playing and switching teachers is always bad. Plus, the closest teacher is out in Longmont, which is a freaking far drive. Also, I seriously doubt that anyone could be as cool as my present teacher. She is my same age, and has won the national fiddling competition a bunch of times. I like knowing that I am learning from the best. Oh well, the change will be good for her because she has never lived outside of Colorado. I think people need to experience actually living in a lot of different places before they can really make an informed choice about where they want to be. Not that I'm really following that idea but.....

So last night at institute the teacher asked me to prepare a 5 minute discussion for class next week. The topic is "what advice I would like a friend to give a guy who was trying to date me." Yeah, loaded question. About two weeks ago he had us write our advice to the opposite gender on a sheet of paper and hand it in so he could use it for the lesson. I was still a little upset with how my relationship with my ex-boyfriend had ended, so I kind of went off on the paper. Anyway, we were supposed to write our names on the sheet if we wanted to present our ideas to the class. I most definitely did NOT write my name down. Unfortunately I think I was the only one in the class who actually took the exercise to heart, so the teacher asked me to talk to the class. The more I think about it, the more I really have nothing to say. The teacher confessed to me that there are a lot of guys in that class who are genuinely clueless about how to act with girls, and there are a few who feel that way specifically toward me. Too bad I know which ones feel that way about me, and you can read about them in the "weirdos coming out of the woodwork" post from a week ago. I don't want to get up there and be like, "just be a nice guy and some girl will give you a chance" when I fully know that I would never be that girl for most of them. It is hard to admit, but sometimes there just needs to be a spark there. If there isn't, it probably won’t ever happen.

After class I went to the movies with my friend Brett. I totally love this kid. He is so funny and interesting and down to earth. But, alas, no spark. We saw the movie SAVED!. It was kind of interesting. Seeing it as a devout Christian, I'm sure it was different for me than for most of the audience. And, I had to think a while to decide whether I liked it or not. In the end I decided that I did. Beware, it is a little blasphemous, and if you can't laugh at yourself you probably shouldn't see it.

Oh, I almost forgot. I gave my number to someone yesterday. It was quite the rush since it hasn't happened to me in quite a while. There is a surprising amount of power in that action.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Bad news

So what I thought might possibly be a date definitely is not. The guy who asked me out on Monday just emailed me and made it very clear that it was going to be me and 4 guys. Also, he just wanted to let me know that if I wasn't comfortable with that, he wouldn’t be offended if I didn't want to go. I am so confused. The way I interpret that is, "oh no, now she is going to think this is a date and I DO NOT want to go out with her at all, even if someone paid me."

So much for the self esteem boost.

What a great looking famliy! Posted by Hello

Me and the Magster Posted by Hello

This is the coolest girl in the world, my little sister Posted by Hello

Me and my dad at my cousin's wedding in May Posted by Hello

What do you think of this?

"What we can and should change is ourselves: our impatience our egoism (spiritual egoism too), or sense of hurt, our lack of love and forbearance. Any other change in this world, even when done for the best intentions, I consider as useless." -Herman Hesse (1919)

My life is an endless cycle of bad movies

So last night my roommate and I went to see Stepford Wives. This movie was horrible. The story had some potential, but it just didn't hook me at all. Plus, half way through the movie, the sound cut out and the "movie tunes" started playing. Maybe I missed a critical part of the plot during those 3 minutes, but I seriously doubt it. The only character I really found entertaining was the flamboyantly gay guy. Other than that the movie was slow, predictable, and shallow.

In an attempt to break the cycle of bad movies, I went to Target and bought 50 first dates. Eric came over and watched it with me. It was kind of weird because when I saw it in the theaters we were together and holding hands and stealing looks at each other during cute scenes. This time when love scenes came on I had to keep telling myself that we were over and that it is better this way. Which it really is....I'm least I think so anyway.

So here is what not to do. Yesterday I told my stand in boss that I don't have any work. Since my real boss is away on vacation for the week, I am kind of leaderless. Anyway, today my stand in boss gave me the task of updating the weekly drawing tree. This doesn't sound like any fun at all. It will probably take me 15 minutes once I really sit down and do it, and I have nothing else to do for the rest of the day. I really need to get on a new program here at my company. This one is slowly draining my life force away.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

The torture continues

This is day two of the cornuts infliction. As I stare at the screen I am beginning to loose consciousness as the strong unpleasant aromatic experience begins. I hope I have the strength to persevere.

Any suggestions?

So I am totally bored at work again and I was trying to find some interesting blogs to read. Since starting this I feel like I have become part of a group of people in the universe who like to tell strangers what is going on in their lives. My search this morning didn't yield very many blogs that I was really hooked by. My favorites so far are Loyd's (my little sister’s friend) and this girl's called "celibate in the city." Both of these blogs tell of the drama that is going on in their lives, which I find the most interesting. A good blog (in my opinion) is one that seems real. I don't like the ones that seem really pretentious and overly philosophical. I just don't have the energy to read them. Has anyone found cool blogs that are funny and well written?

The end of the world as we know it....

So last night I actually got asked out on a date. At least I think I did. The guy came up to me and was like, "what are you doing on Thursday” I thought for a minute, realized I didn't have any plans, and said, "nothing, why” Then he said, "Do you want to go to "culture night" with me." This sounded very date-ish and actually kind of interesting, so I said yes enthusiastically. He then went on to explain that he and his three roommates go out and do something Boulder-ish every Thursday night. This Thursday they are going to go play Frisbee golf. In my mind this outing changed from "me on a date with this kid" to "me hanging out with his three other roommates." It stepped down from date, to hanging out with friends. Although I'm not really interested in this guy I was still disappointed because it means that it really isn't a date at all but rather just me being one of the guys....again. Alas, I am still claiming it is a date-ish kind of thing and going with that. My ego needs a little boost after all these semi rejections I've been getting recently.

Monday, June 14, 2004


Do you know what I think the rudest thing you can do to a person in the next cubical over? Buy a bag of cornuts from the vending machine and then snack away on them at 3 in the afternoon. Ever since I was a little girl I have found the scent of these crunchy demons nauseating. Now I am confined in my little gray cell with the pungent odor of these "treats of the devil" wafting over to me. Has anyone ever heard of cruel and unusual punishment?!?!? This is the modern day equivalent of Chinese water torture.

My frist blogger error

So I knew that writing what I really thought in this format might get me into trouble one of these days. By nature, I don't really have the capacity to look at what I write and see how it might be hurtful to others. I am truly sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings that I really care about. This is not meant to be some kind of passive/aggressive way to tell you how I feel. This is more meant for me to have an outlet to get things off my chest and hurl them out into cyberspace for the entertainment of others. If you read something, before getting mad and overreacting, just call me and we can talk about it. I can explain what I meant, and if I really did mean something that you got your feelings hurt by, well at least it is out in the open and you really know how I feel. I am entitled to my own thoughts and feelings.

The weekend

So the Monday morning blogs are going to be really long because I don't have the internet and home and I come in early to use my work computer to enter all this stuff. Just and explanation for the curious.....

The surprise part for Sarah went of without a hitch. It was so fun to just have a group of close friends sit around and talk. For some reason lately I have been cast as the court jester of my friends. I feel like I am the person that everyone is sitting around watching and waiting for them to say something funny. I haven't been that person for a really long time. I am not a "yellow" personality at all, but lately I feel like that is becoming my niche in the group. Maybe it is because everyone else is dating someone so as the token single gal I feel like I have to perform to tear their attention away from their significant other. Well, whatever the cause, I am quickly becoming the amusement of the group. I'm not really sure if I like it yet or not. Stay posted.

So get this...
Last Sunday (as week ago) my friend Greg invited me to go out on his boat on Saturday to do a little water skiing. I love water skiing, so the promise of this activity is what sustained me through the hellish work week. Also, I was my friend Sarah's birthday so I invited her and Colin to go with us. I thought this would be fine because Greg told me to invite a couple of people. Anyway, I tried calling him Wednesday, then Thursday. I still hadn't heard from him, so I called his parent's home number. I was that desperate. I got a hold of him and he told me that his cell phone didn't get reception at his parent's house (where he is living for the summer between years of med school). I thought, "Convenient". Anyway, I lightheartedly asked him if we were in fact going to go out the next day. He informed me that he actually had already invited other people, so there wasn't room for me. I felt totally rejected. I hate it when I get ditched because it drags up fairly painful memories of high school parties that I didn't get invited to, or group outings that I was "mistakenly" not informed of. Anyway, he was sincerely apologetic and said that we'd go next weekend, but how am I supposed to really believe that he wants to hang out with me. Whatever. His loss.

Instead, we went to the Denver Zoo. It was really fun and kind of disturbing at the same time. One of the gross things that happened, that I can write about without getting totally nauseated, happened in the gorilla house. We were just sitting there watching the gorillas, when the big male kind of rolled over and puked. If that weren't gross enough, he then started to use his index finger to scoop it back up and eat it again. This was totally nasty, but not the end. I guess he thought that the finger to the mouth technique wasn’t effective enough, because he then proceeded to lower his face to the cement and in two great slurps he sucked it all back up off the floor of his less than sterile cage. I was gagging and had to look away or the little blonde headed 6 year old in front of me was going to have Katie puke all over him. I really don't do well with that stuff.

An equally disturbing thing I saw at the zoo did not occur inside a pen, but amongst the onlookers. I was just casually walking down the wide cement path between the snow leopard and the zebras when I saw it. There was a four year old boy sitting in a stroller. At first this looked normal until I noticed that this kid had a full on Mohawk. The sides of his head were shave and everything. The odd thing was that the parents looked totally normal. I was totally confused. Obviously this child was not going through any kind of self exploration or teenaged rebellion. The parents had to have done that to their own kid. I was totally confused. What is this society coming to when normal looking parents give their kid a Mohawk. Is this going to become mainstream? If so, what will punk rock kids do to be "different"? Get a crew cut?

Sunday I was getting ready to go to church when I checked my phone and realized that I had a message. It was my ex-boyfriend. He had been spending the weekend in Utah at his brother's wedding. His flight landed at 10:30, which was very inconvenient as church starts at 10. Anyway, he was planning on taking the bus back from the airport, but he called me and left the most pathetic message I have ever heard in my life. He said he was sick and couldn't take the bus and would I please come get him. This was a serious dilemma for me. Keep in mind that a month ago I asked him to take me to the airport before a week long trip and he said no, so I ended up paying $60 to park my car out there. Anyway, it only took me a minute to decide that there was no way I was going to leave him sick and stranded at the airport. He is my best friend here still. Anyway, I told my roommate Amy about it and she said I should just let him figure it out on his own. I told my parents I was helping him and my mom thought it was a bad idea. I got him home, went to the store to get him some sick person supplies, and then we both took naps at his house. Boys are such babies when they don't feel well.

I spent the whole rest of the day doing the mountain of laundry that had steadily built up to almost unmanageable girth. It took me 5 hours. I was going to go back over to his house to watch a movie, but I had a headache and went home.

I really wanted to go to church so that I could be rude to those guys who snubbed me for dinner last week, but I guess my immaturity will have to wait. Darn.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Ways to become the most popular person in the office

1. Bring doughnuts. If you bring food into work and leave it in the break room, you instantly become the "thoughtful" person in the office. The one potential pitfall is if no one sees you leaving the box there. If no one sees you, you don't get the credit and you gesture was a waste.

2. Be able to help some of the "older" employees figure out their excel spreadsheet. Often this only requires you showing them how to highlight an entire column at once.

3. Find out what people like to talk about. Typically this is about them. People love to talk about themselves, or something that interests them. Not very often will people be like "enough about me and what I am interested in, lets talk about you." Usually this one topic will last for months, if you explore well. For example, I met the one guy and he loves to talk about his son's little league sports teams. We've been talking about that for 2 years now. Feigning interest has become a special skill of mine.

4. Know when to be cynical and when to be supportive. Usually when you are surrounded in the break room by peers, you are cynical. When you are in a meeting with your lead, you are supportive. Some people have been working for 10 years and still have not caught on to this. Sad, but true.

5. Even if you are REALLY busy, there is always time to go to lunch. Period.

6. Get a candy dish. 90% of the world is filled with people whose affections can be purchased with a mini snickers bar.

Caveat Emptor: Following these rules may not lead to much upward mobility within the company, but they sure will make coming into work a more pleasant daily experience.

Blah Blah Blah

I freeloaded at a company picnic last night. We played volleyball, and I once again had the chance to show my overwhelming lack of athletic ability. I wanted to play frisbee, since I am at least decent at that, but it was too windy.

It is so funny, the picnic was for all the interns that Ball hired for the summer. There are about 60 college aged kids from schools all over the country. Probably about 1/3 of those are girls. There is this one kid who is pretty much drop dead gorgeous, and all of the girls sat around last night giggling over him. I was floored. These were all smart, attractive, cool girls acting like high school cheerleaders. Hilarious. It was funny to see girls in action becuase you can totally pick out the ones who are trying desperately for his attention. For example, this one girl kicked sand up at him when they were both up at the net, and then she decided to cheer every time his team gave up a point. Throw a cute guy in the mix, and girls loose their minds.

After about an hour I started to have a massive allergy attack, so I went home. I am such at party animal.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Question of the day

Why is it that as soon as word is out in a singles ward that you are no longer dating someone all the weirdos come out of the woodwork? You may be saying to yourself, "they do not, this girl is being dramatic and over exaggerating the situation." To those of you who doubt let me site two of the most recent examples.

1. About a week ago I left the building after church and some stranger had left a burnt CD on my car. I looked at it dubiously as I read the hand printed title "Songs about Something." Frightened, I yell to my friend Sarah to come and listen to the tracks with me. Somewhere in between Alison Krauss's "When you say nothing at all" and that stake dance immortal classic that starts "Every time our eyes meet, this feeling inside me...." I turned to her with fear in my eyes. The only person I know well enough to give me a CD of love songs would be my ex-boyfriend, and not only does he have WAY better taste in music than that, but also there is no way he would do something that nice for me. That left about 50 strange suspects. For the last 2 years there has been this kid in the ward who keeps telling me that he is crazy about me. I think this is strange because I don't really know the kid, and the way he lets me know about his affections always kind of weird me out; like leaving an anonymous CD of love songs on my car. Just a strange one. Anyway, he was my prime suspect. About 2 days later I got a call on my phone from a number I didn't recognize. Ordinarily I wouldn't answer, but that night I was throwing a party for a friend, and I thought it might be someone who was lost. Anyway, I answered the phone and this voice came on. He asked if I like what he left. I was like, "oh, so you left it" (I didn't recognize the voice still). He said yes. I asked who it was. He said his name. I said "oh". He said, "well, do you have any comments?" I said, "(name here), I don't even really know you. I think it is a little strange that you act this way toward me since you don't really know me either." He said "oh" and hung up. See what I mean, weirdos out of the woodwork.

2. My second example comes from last night. We'd just finished institute class, and I was hanging around talking and being social. Anyway, this kid came up to me and attempted some intricate handshake that you had to be a Mensa candidate to figure out. Anyway, after the embarrassing moment of me not being able to figure out his physical greeting initiation, I tried to blame my ineptitude on the fact that I have a cut on my thumb. From this he decided that it was time to show me all of the scars he has. Just as a side note, this is not a way to impress girls. We don't really care to see that you've been a moron in the past and have the physical proof to back up your claim. Anyway, then he moved to show me a bruise on his right hand between his pinky knuckle and the next one over. He then proudly boasted that this injury came from the punching bag. I guess he punched it over and over so fast and hard that he hurt his hand. He was like "yeah, I can hit that things so fast. Everyone is really impressed when I do it. Last time though I was kind of dragging my hand past the bag, so when I was done I had a bruise." I was just kind of looking at him in confusion. Is this supposed to impress me? Honestly, I don't think I've ever included on my "list of qualities for an ideal man" the ability to pummel something to pulp. After an awkward moment of silence he said, "Well, I'll give you a call sometime, I've got your number." In my head I thought, "Yippee! All my dreams are coming true. Now I can dust off that old oak chest that contains my dowry filled with lace doilies and hand appliqu├ęd quilts. Now I have a man who will beat me if I ever think of leaving the kitchen without a baby in my belly, or a nice pair of shoes. The come running of the woodwork.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Harry Potter (second time and counting)

Yesterday I went to see Harry Potter again. It was pretty good, but since it was the second time and we were seeing at 10:15, it lacked the excitement and suspense required to keep me alert the entire time (translation...I fell asleep for about 10 minutes).

I started Da Vinci Code. So far it is pretty good, but at first it seemed like he was going to give me tons of superfluous information to the plot. Now that the story is really rolling, it is better. I REALLY hope that he and Sofie don't end up hooking up, because that would be a total repeat of the Vittoria Vetra story line he used in Angles and Demons. You know, the smart confident woman who has lost a loved one (in A&D it was her dad, in DVC it is her grandpa) and through all the experiences they share they end up in love. That would be lame, but maybe I'll like it after all.

Last night there was the most incredible lightening storm. The lightening filled the entire sky, like natural fireworks. I just sat on my porch playing my guitar and watching the sky. It was really nice to be alone and just taking that all in. I haven't been happy to be alone in a really long time but last night I was. It was nice to just think whatever I want and not feel the need to fill the silence with idle chatter. I haven't seen that kind of lightning storm since last summer with Bryan. We were just driving down the road in Provo and all the sudden we pulled over, sat on the curb and just watched. Neither of us felt the need to comment or talk, we just sat there together and watched. I miss having friends like that around.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

This guy made us a ridiculous amount of churros every night we were in Mexico. DELICIOUS. I still have dreams about the goodness of the churro man! Posted by Hello

These are some pictures from my trip to Mexico last January. This is Sarah and Eric, two of my very best friends in Colorado! Posted by Hello

The crew at Havasu. WE ROCK! Posted by Hello

what I'm reading

I don't know what to read next. I think I'll give Da Vinci Code a try. Everyone else has read it, and I want to be able to talk with everyone about it, so I'll follow the herd. My two friends who have most recently read it finished it really fast, so I need suggestions for my next endeavor. I like pretty much anything. My latest books have been: Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum, Angles and Demons by the author of Da Vinici Code, Life of Pi, David Copperfield, No Second Chance by Harlen Corben. (Just so you know the wide range of books I like)

Sweltering Inferno

For those of you who don't know, the Denver-Metro area is experiencing a serious heat wave right now. Yesterday it almost broke 100 degrees. Normally this wouldn't be that big of a deal, but my new townhome's airconditioner won't come on. I don't know if it is broken, or if I am just too dumb to figure out how to turn it on. All I know is last night my room was a million degrees. Lying on my bed, I felt like a strip of bacon writhing in a frying pan. I had to go downstairs and sleep on the fouton. Last night I thought my roommates were going to lynch me when I told them that I hadn't called the landlord about it yet. The murderous glints in their eyes were frightening enough to propel me to action. I called the lady this morning, so hopefully soon we will have an icy cold chill circulating through our abode.


So there are times in life that I wish I had a video recorder taping what was happening. That way I could rewind the tape and get an outsiders view of what happened. Maybe then I would be able to understand what was going on.

Last night I went over to my best friends house. I got a CD of photos and I wanted to use his computer to check them out. Anyway, when I got there he informed me that he was deciding whether or not to bail on the rest of the summer semester and go be a camp leader for this bike trip camp in Massachusets. The only catch was that he would have to be out there this weekend. Plus, his brother is getting married in Utah on Saturday, so his plan would be to leave here on Thursday (2 days from now) and then just fly out to Boston right after the wedding.

My honest frist reaction to this news was to be thrilled for him. It is a once in a lifetime chance for him to go out there and do things that he absolutely loves. He'll get to see a new part of the country (one I've always wanted to visit) and meet some really good people. Plus, he would have a significant amount of responsibility, which I think would be good for him.

My second reaction was dread. I'm not having the best of time here in Colorado right now and he is my very best friend. How am I going to deal with a job I'm not satisfied by, a social life that is reduced to hanging out with serious couples, no real potential to meet anyone new and intriguing, and a calling that is the bane of my existance withouth him? Who will I make jokes with? Who will I watch movies with until late at night? Who will I build rockets with and then not launch them off? Who will go to Costco with me to eat samples? Who will contiuously make me want to exercise more? Who will challenge me to learn more about who I am?

After talking with my roommate, who has a suprising amount of wisdom, I begin to see that this is the best thing that could happen for everyone involved. The break up process requires time apart. I should know that after dealing with my last serious boyfriend. I had to leave the state to fully get over him. 2 months apart will be good. When he comes back we can just talk and have fun becuase we will both be past the hurt.

After finding out that he was planning on leaving Colorado, I brought up how much I'd been hurt recently by his "activity" with this other girl. I told him what I thought and how I felt. For the first time since he dumped me I honestly felt like he was sorry for hurting me. And that he missed me. The only thing anyone wants to hear after they have been dumped is not that the other person wants to get back together, but that the other person regrets their choice. The acknowledgement that if the other person could change the past they would. This is what I got from him last night. I thought it would make me feel better than it did. The past is over. There is nothing I can do about it now, except learn.

Monday, June 07, 2004

My writing triumph

So I wrote this a year ago, but my sister thinks it is worth posting on here for anyones entertainment.

Boulder is a really strange place. For the last week I have been driving into work, and on the side of the road a man has been putting up a chicken wire fence. I thought, "My, that is strange. The side of this busy road has to be city property. I wonder what he thinks he is doing?" Yesterday I got the answer. Imagine my surprise at 7:15 am when I see a herd of goats penned up on the side of one of the busiest streets in Boulder. I guess here in this "earth friendly" city, they prefer to keep the weeds down by letting these goats roam next to cars going 50+ mph with only a chicken wire fence to stave off disaster. On the way home from work, I noted the excellent job the goats had done. Not a blade of grass could be seen. The once lush sides of the street were brown and dried up like the Oklahoma dust basin. On the way to work this morning, I again saw the goats hard at work a little farther down the street. The thing that got my attention was not the efficient way the goats controlled the overgrowth in the new area, but the ineptitude the city was showing in the area cleared out by the goats yesterday. They were sprinkling the dirt. Gone was any reason for the watering to occur; yet the sprinklers came up to do their duty. For those of you who don't know, every summer in Colorado is near drought season. It boggled my mind why they took the time to control the grass, and then water it again. Furthermore, are they not wasting the efforts of poor overworked goats by cultivating areas that the goats had previously demolished? How are these goats going to feel pride in their work if “upper management” constantly reverses it? Will they not see that their efforts are futile and give up? Am I projecting my own views about my job onto these animals? Things to think about.

Besides my philosophical musings about goats, and water conservation, things are going really well for me here in Colorado. Last night a bunch of friends and I were going to go Red Rocks Amphitheatre to see Lord of the Rings 2 on an outdoor, big screen. The whole place was sold out for a movie. I was floored. Some concerts don't even sell out this venue, but Lord of the Rings did. Instead, we went to dinner at La Mariposa (yes, for you Spanish speakers, there is a restaurant called this, and no, the waiters aren't fems). All five of us ordered the house special, a 20" long burrito. In my mind this didn't sound very big. I figured it would be long and skinny, churro-esque if you will. When it came out, my spirits sank. This log of Mexican joy was about 4" wide, and smothered in sauce, sour cream, and that lettuce. (Side note: why do they put that lettuce on Mexican food? If they are trying to pretend that the meal is in some way healthy they aren't fooling anybody) Looking down at my plate that was easily twice as long as my body is wide was intimidating to say the least. We all made jokes about the impossibility of finishing the monster. We even took bets about how far we could go. I set to the task of defeating this foe placed in front of me. It was slow going, but bite after bite my competitive spirit began to come forth. As I turned the half way point, I was a close second place behind my good friend Calvin. Everyone's money was on him for the win. As I hit the 2/3 mark I felt myself slow down and reassess the pros and cons of finishing this beast. I realized that the burrito was the embodiment of everything I had given up on in life: the dreams not achieved, the relationships not pursued, the physical feats not surmounted. My nerve was steeled. Everything was riding on this one plate of Mexican cooking. With five bites left on the plate I had been staring into for the past 45 minutes I felt victory immanent. I took a break from my intense concentration to look around at the others and their quests to dominate the meal. Calvin had given up with about 4 inches left on his plate. Ben, the lightweight, had about the same amount left. My only real competition was my friend Sarah. She had only about 8 mouthfuls remaining. As I lifted bite 5 to my mouth, the once delicious scent of shredded beef and refried beans wafted into my nostrils, causing me to involuntarily gag. Breathing deeply I took a step back from the situation, and tried again. I realized the only way I was going to get it all down was to act quickly and without thought, as so many important life decisions must be made. I took a deep breath, and finished my plate. Immediately I was filled with mixed emotions. Joy in conquering my demons, and nausea at having consumed at lease twice the amount of food any human body should hold. Sweet victory, accompanied by overwhelming pain. I have three lessons from this amazing night of self discovery: (1) A mans reach should exceed his grasp, (2) Mexican food should not be used for self validation, and (3) although it seems like a good idea at the time, eating competitions should be left to those with no job the next morning (I still feel like barfing).
So the power is out right now in my building. Actually, the whole building is out, except for the one little windwo-less room that my gray sided cubical is in. How frustrating. If the whole power were down I'd just leave now for an extra long lunch, but I feel that since I have power, I should try to get something done. Responsibility is lame.

Good news

Did you know that Gryffindor is in the Microsoft Word spell checker? GO HARRY POTTER!

This weekend....

Things I did this weekend:

-Only worked half a day on Friday
-Met friends in Boulder for lunch at Illegal Pete’s (which blows Cafe Rio out of the water). I could only eat half of my burrito. Sad showing.
-Came home and started looking for my Gryffindor scarf for the premier. Sadly, It was no where to be found.
-Put on my homemade Harry Potter t-shirt.
-Went with the Harry Potter crew to Galyans to show my best friend (in Colorado) who had to work what nerds we were. I think he was impressed that we thought to include him, although he didn't say anything, so maybe he thought it was weird.
-Showed up at the theatre in Denver an hour and a half early and sat in line. You could cut the excited tension with a knife. Some lady actually asked where I bought my shirt, which I thought was cool because I made it. While we waited, the theater provided little Lego kits of the knight bus. I thought that was a really good idea.
-The movie was AWESOME! True, it left out some really important facts, like the makers of the Marauder’s map, and that Harry's dad was a animangus and could turn into a stag (thus explaining why Harry thought it was his dad producing the patronus). We saw it on a IMAX screen, which I highly recommend because you are so close it feels like you are just hovering there with the movie happening all around you. So cool.
-Tried to get my car fixed Saturday morning, but it was going to take too long so I bailed.
-Bought new underwear instead of doing laundry (the definition of a lazy person with a disposable income)
-Finished Bourne Identity, then watched the movie. The book was alright, except the love scenes were stupid, and obviously written by a man for a man. The movie was lame. After reading the book, the movie lacked plot, intrigue and suspense. It was watered down and not very believable. Hollywood sucks.
-Went to go see Raising Helen. Thought the movie was alright, but kind of slow. Kate Hudson did a really good job, and even made me believe her character was upset. This movie is definitely a budget hour, or date movie (since that would be free).
-My new roommates and I made dinner together for the first time. They are nice girls, but I don't really see any potential for real friendship, which is too bad. After dinner we went to the park to play Frisbee. I kicked myself while attempting a fancy jump catch and now have an alarmingly large and dark bruise on my shin. I am the queen of grace.
-Met one of my neighbors who made fun of me going miniature golfing on a Saturday night.
-Went mini golfing with friends. It started out really fun, but by the end of the night something happened between me and a friend and we were both upset with each other. He was going to go to the grocery store with me after golfing, but when I showed up at his house he was already in bed. I was really confused. He was the one to remind me that I had to go to the store and then when I went over there he just bailed on me. Normally, I wouldn't care much, but this friend and I go way back and have history so when he lets me down I overreact and take it WAY too personally.
-Church was alright. Sometimes I have the hardest time concentrating on what is happening. After Sunday school Sarah, Colin and I got into a really interesting discussion. Colin asked me whether or not I thought that God needed faith, since he is omniscient. I said no, because faith implies a lack of knowledge. If someone knew everything, they wouldn't need faith. Faith is an entirely earthly concept. Once we die and have a better perspective of things there will be no need for faith. Then we started talking about the foreknowledge of God and the impact that has on our agency. My take was this: if God knew what we were going to do in every situation, which would take away our agency because God could never be wrong, so we could never make a choice contrary to what God already knew. This doesn't really sit well with me, and since I believe agency is our supreme gift in this life, God must not know everything that is going to happen. Colin and Sarah tried to tell me that just because God knows what is going to happen, we are still able to choose. I don't get it, so I've decided not to confuse my little brain anymore. God loves me, and wants to see me happy. That is what I understand and can live with.
-Relief Society was painful, as usual.
-After church I had to go to a meeting for my calling, which is FHE. This is perhaps the church's worst calling. As usual, I was left with coming up with a spiritual thought for the activity tonight. Don't they know that I don't have the effort to deliver a spiritual thought on a weekly basis? I don't get a manual or a block of scriptures, or even a topic. I have to be creative and thoughtful and unique every single week, and it kills me.
-Then, after that meeting I asked this new kid that is kind of intriguing to me to come over for "family dinner" at my house. On Sunday a group of my friends all get together and have dinner. I was going to make enchiladas. Well, this kid made me write out a map of how to get to my house, and he said he would be there at 4, with 5 of his roommates that I DIDN'T invite.
-I had to rush to my office to pick up the recipe, and then to the store to get the food (sorry mom for shopping on Sunday, but the ox was in the mire)
-I spent 2 hours preparing for 15 people to come over to my house for dinner.
-At 4 my friends all showed up. Sarah made about 5 pounds of Spanish rice because she was expecting 5 strange guys to eat a lot.
-At 4:30 this new kid called and said that they got stuck, but they were still planning on coming.
-At 5 they called and said they hadn't left their apartment yet, but could they still come. I said there wasn't much food left. He asked if I was making more. I was so shocked by his rudeness that I said no, and that we all were leaving for a party in 30 mins, so maybe we could do it another time. I couldn’t BELIEVE him. It made me feel like crap because I don't usually ask boys over. I'm hardly ever the pursuer of attention. Anyway, I seriously doubt they will be getting a second invitation from me. You only one chance to make a first impression, and believe me that is not a good way to go about it.
-My ex-boyfriend was there and later he told me that, for his sake, he was happy those guys didn't come over. It isn't fair that he gets jealous of me trying to move on and meet new people. He is the one who dumped me. He is the one who kicked me to the curb. If he didn't want me to flirt, or be with other people, then maybe he shouldn't have been so hasty to break up with me. Plus, he is the one who brought some ho-ish chick to our friend's BBQ last week. I told him once that it really hurt my feelings when he talked to that tramp on the phone in front of me. After mini-golfing he told me that he didn't see the difference between him doing that, and me being nice to other guys in front of him. At the time I didn't know what to say, but now that I've thought it over this is what I have to say to him:

There are two main differences in our situations. 1) he was the dumper, so he has the responsibility to be sensitive to me and my feelings. He did the hurting, so he should be the one to try to patch up the friendship, if he really wants it like he says he does. 2) The guys I am flirting with are strangers. They are not people that I am making out with (like he is with his little friend).

-After dinner we went to a friend’s birthday party. It was nice, but I only stayed an hour.
-After that a few of us went swimming, which was SO nice.

This is the world's longest entry, so if you made it to the end of this saga, you deserve a medal.

Friday, June 04, 2004

Happy coupledome

So not that I am cynical because I am now relagated back to "single" status, but whats up with EVERYONE having a significant other around me? Honestly, I have like 3 friends who aren't dating. And even worse, they are all dating each other, which means that when we go on big group activities it somehow feels like a large group date with me as the chaperone or something.

Take last night. I was just casually sitting out on my front porch reading my book. The temperature was perfect, a sweet breeze lilting on the air, when my roommate and her boyfriend came up and starting talking. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, and I'm actually a big fan of this kid she is dating right now. He just came back from Hawaii, and brought me chocolate covered macadamia nuts (my dream). Yeah, I'm easy to impress, bring me back a gift and you have the roommate approval for life. Anyway, they haven't seen each other in over a week so the mushy factor has been increase by about a million percent. Gag! They mercifully left to go work out together (another whole topic of converstion) and I was left to collect my thoughts and continue reading. About an hour later Colin and Sarah came over and hung out for a while, so it was just the 5 of us. Actually, it isn't that bad because both of these couples are totally cool and don't make me feel akward to hang out with them, but the truth is still there. All four of them have people they are crazy about, who they would do anything for and I have me. Which, on second thought, is saying a lot since I am so cool.


Alright, so tonight is the opening night for Harry Potter and I am WAY excited for the movie. Me and every other little 10 year old kid. Anyway, my friends and I all made shirts for the movie. Mine says in big red letters "RON WEASLEY is my head boy." You wouldn't get it unless you've read book 5. Anyway, my roommate made one for her boyfriend that says "I (heart) Hermionie" and it has hearts on both of the sleeves. I can't believe he is actually going to wear it. He said he would dress up in anything as long as she held his hand. That makes me want to just puke. How come every feels the need to be mushy around me all the time?

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Last night

So yesterday after a great institute class I went for frozen custard with two people who are rapidly becoming some of my closest friends. I got a raspberry/strawberry blizzard type thing, which was dreamy. (if you haven't noticed by now recording the food I eat is a recurring thing for me. It always has been, and always will be)

We took our frosty desserts and walked all over "the hill." For those of you who don't know, "the hill" in Boulder is where all the CU students live. It is like "south of campus" in Provo, except lots more empty kegs.

Anyway, we were walking around and just talking about some really cool things. It has been a while since I have just talked about everything and nothing with friends. I get so busy with work and distracted by movies that I forget the most important thing is just to talk and have fun.

Plus, ever since my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago I haven't felt like there was anyone else I could really talk with. For some reason, last night did the trick and I just feel so much better. He is not the only person who gets me here in Colorado. I do have friends that care and think I am fun to hang out with, even thought the thought of scaling the shear rocky face of a mountian or riding a bike over a ledge isn't in the least appealing.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

New Favorite Treat

Just in case anyone cared, my new favorite treat is cold apple pie and hot chocolate. Apple pie is alright on its own, and so is hot chocolate, but combined these two into a mid afternoon snack and you have a glorious explosion of ambrosial goodness.

(I am fully aware of how strange I am)

My little sister

My sister is so smart. Look what she wrote:

What's wrong with being the same as some in particular ways? I mean you are LDS so that, by default, is going to be the same as most of the people you are around there in Provo. I would also say that, at the same time, you ARE different than a lot of other people you are around, even with religion. I don't think you need to flaunt differences and/or controversy to be a unique individual (which is what it sounds like you are going for.) Perhaps if you just took the time to sit back and realize who you are and are not, without the pressure of being "different" then you will realize that it doesn't matter. Just so long as you are who you want to be then it doesn't matter what everyone else is like.
This is just a thought and not necessarily related to this idea. When we start describing ourselves we do it in terms of things that make us different than others. Like I wouldn't say I'm a human being because everyone else is that too. Instead I'd probably say something like I'm a redhead or something like that. Anyway, you can look at yourself either way, as being like everyone around you or different than others. I just don't see how it matters all that much. It's good to set goals for yourself, but you shouldn't worry as to whether they're mainstream or not. Probably you already are thinking like that anyway, but yeah. I'm awesome.

My thought of the day

So I was talking with a friend last night and we stumbled onto a topic that I thought was pretty interesting. I asked him if he thought that a person should just say everything that they think and feel. He said yes, and that it is better to have things out in the open so that there is no misunderstanding. I thought that was a good point. Later, I was talking to my roommate and asked her the same question. She said that she thought there were times when it was better to leave some things unsaid.

Looking back at my personal experiences, there are definitely moments where I wish I had said more and times I completely regret things I have said. Usually the regrets come from things I said in the moment of blinding redheaded fury. I’m afraid that I will probably never be able to stop saying those things that is just part of my flawed nature. Sometimes my regretted comments come after much thought, like the conversation I had with some friends a couple of weeks ago down in Havasu canyon. Those are the times I wish I had just held my tongue.

On the other hand, there are times when I should have said what I think, but my dumb pride got in the way. You know, stuff like telling other people that I need them, or I made a mistake, or I can’t do everything on my own. Those are all things I wish I would have told people in the moment.

I guess what it all boils down to is that it really depends on the outcome of the situation whether or not I am glad, or regret what I said. And, since there is no way of really being able to tell what the outcome will be ahead of time, there is no way to control whether I will be pleased, or disappointed by my actions. Sticky situation…..

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

What I'm reading

Right now I am reading The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum. Ordinarily I would never read this type of book on my own, but it came HIGHLY recommended by a good friend, so I’m giving it a whirl. It started out kind of slow, but is getting better. It is obviously a “boy” book, as the only female in the book is a clear conquest of the protagonist. Actually, at first I was really turned off by the whole captor/captive love affair, but at least the chick has turned out somewhat intelligent, so maybe I’ll hold my feminist judgment until I’ve actually finished the book. I saw the movie, but it is A LOT different from the book. I can hardly even see a similar thread between the book and movie. Why does Hollywood need to dumb down the characters to make them more palatable for the general masses? Do they think we are some kind of brainless horde that can only appreciate sensationalism?

first attempt

So this is my first go at a blog. The only reason I even signed up for this was because I was reading someone elses and to comment I had to sign up for one. I can't promise this will be interesting at all to anyone besides maybe my mom. But here goes nothin....