Friday, July 30, 2004


I had sushi for lunch today. Actually, it wasn't even really sushi, it was california rolls, teryaki chicken and goya (I forget how to spell the last one). The last thing was my favorite and totally reminded me of potstickers. They were totally enjoyable. I do'nt know why, but I just can't get down with sushi. You take a big ole bite of food and there is so much of it in your mouth at once you gag. Then, the texture is just totally weird and there is so much rice. Plus, I think the combination of soy sauce and wasabi is strange. It's only my second time trying it, but both times have left something to be desired. On a positive note, I really like miso soup, and the salad dressing on the house salad, and the salty soy beans.

A total disappointment

Sarah and I went to 7eleven yesterday on our way down to the temple to get slurpees.  As I spotted the building on the horizon my spirits lifted.  Nothing can make my day better than enjoying a frosty, cherry, beverage with a friend on a warm evening.  Anyway, we parked and entered the divine institution. As we made our way back to the slurpee producing fountain of dreams, I began to experience a slight premonition of anxiety.  The spinning and whirling of the cherry goodness didn't look right in the front display of the tank.  It had a nice solid core of ice-ness, but around the edges did not look like it was measuring up to the exacting standards of consistency that I expect from a really fine slurpee.  However, the diminutive light next to the window that indicates freezing time for the slurpee was off.  I was torn.  Do I trust the technology in front of me telling me that the slurpee is indeed done and ready for consumption, or to I stick to my intuition and experience and avoid the sweet nectar?  Like a fool, I trusted the external sensing over my own deductive abilities.  I poured myself a half melted cherry slurpee and was totally disappointed by it.  What do we learn?  Technology can be deceptive.  It is better to rely on the human ability to discern. 

Other things of note that happened yesterday:
  • Tried a white chocolate and almond Hershey bar.  Delicious, but only being made for a limited time, so I'm thinking of stockpiling them.
  • Went to Sarah's parent's house in Denver and hung out with her sisters and mom for a while.  Funny family.  Her mom is a riot.
  • Discovered a king sized white chocolate peanut butter cup.  The cup was twice the depth of a normal cup with the same diameter. Dreamy
  • Wore a pair of shoes that I'm pretty sure are out of style now. 
  • Got chided in the temple for talking too loud.
  • Bought myself a CTR ring for the first time in my life.
  • Pretended to be thrilled for a friend who is engaged to a guy she's only been dating for a month.
  • Kicked myself for leaving my new digital camera in the car because the flowers at the temple were just unreal.
  • Skipped out on going to Chilis with a bunch of people in the ward after the baptisms. 
  • Missed the two calls the mail man attempted to make on the way back to Boulder because my phone was in the back seat on silent.
  • Called him back at 11:50 pm.
  • Realized how much I really like him.
  • Realized he is leaving me in 3 weeks. 
  • Realized I hate bad timing.

Thursday, July 29, 2004


I never write anything really interesting in this blog.  Lately it has just been a report of what happens to me every day.  To tell you the truth, I really don't think it is all that interesting to record the minutiae of what happens to me every day.  From now on I will try to limit myself to significant events that happen, or interesting thought that cross my mind.  If you want to know what's really going on with me, you can email me or even call. 

My friend at work made me a copy of his mixed CD.  He is really proud of his CD creating ability.  Granted, it is cool when you put together a mix that has just the right feel, and every track builds on the one before it to make it a cohesive piece, but its not like you wrote the music.  I don't understand how one can take so much pride in putting together a CD, but he does. 

I went to lunch with friends today.  I had a crush on this guy at work a year ago, and I haven't seen him in months. He was at the lunch and when I looked at him and talked to him for a while I was mystified by the realization that I was ever even slightly attracted to him.  What did I see in him? Maybe he's changed, maybe I have, but now I have no attraction to him at all.  It is weird when you look back at the people  you were interested in and you are completely confused by your old self's taste in the opposite sex.  Ya know?


Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Good and Bad

On my way home from work last night I decided to take the long way.  Actually, since I left work at 4:30, the "long" way is really a short way because I avoid all the traffic of people emptying Boulder.  The long way takes me through the country on a little curvey two lane road instead of the turnpike.  As I was driving out of town I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the place I live.  Every day I am so lucky to be living in a place that is awe inspiring.  I decided to pull over and hike in the foothills for a while. I took my new digital camera (thanks mom) and my real camera.  I took the same picture with both cameras so that I can see the difference.  I think that I'll be using my digital more to take funny pictures of people, and my real camera to take pretty pictures of nature and outdoors stuff.  I didn't like using the view screen to try to get pictures of the mountains.

I came home and I was totally alone.  It made me so happy to just make myself some scrambled eggs, put in on of my favorite CDs and just enjoy not talking to anyone.

Then, I went to see Napoleon Dynamite.  OH MY GOODNESS it was funny.  I just cracked up laughing the whole time.  Maybe it was because I went in expecting it to be lame, and I was pleasantly surprised, but I thought it was great.  And, I went with new people which is always cool. 

After the movie I went to the mail man's house.  A couple of other people were over, and the bunch of us played games.  I won one round, so I was happy.  After everyone left I made my way out to my car.  He walked me out.  We stood around and talked by my car for 2 hours.  He is the greatest.  I hate BYU for taking him away.  This is lame.

If you can't tell from this post, I am exhausted.  I need more than 4 hours of sleep to function well. 

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Don't mess with my little sister

So today there was an interesting post on my sister's ex-boyfriend's blog.  If you want to check it out, I've linked it here. Usually I would never expose someone's extremely personal feelings, but this kid is the biggest creep I've met in a long time.

Anyway, for an entire year my sister gave this kid her whole heart and he played with it like a little boy with a new transformer.  The thought it was cool, but as soon as he took it out to school he saw that other little boys had different transformers.  Even though his transformer was top of the line, brand new, never been hurt before, he couldn't be satisfied with it.  Anyway, he broke her heart.  Completely. 

I didn't like him from the very first day I met him, and let her know it.  One time I threw a birthday party for her.  He and his little friend showed up late, made me make more food for them, were loud and obnoxious, and annoyed all the other guests.

When they started dating, I decided to give him a chance.  He was rude to my family (he called my uncle a leprechaun), desecrated the hallowed sanctuary of "grandma's house" and was just annoying.  Anyway, I still tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because my sister has pretty good taste in people, so I thought there must be something redeeming about the kid.  I was wrong.

Anyway, it took her a really long time to get over him.  This summer she has met a great guy, and they have been dating seriously.  She is head over heels for him, and even my dad thinks he might be "the one." 

I guess he found out about her new boyfriend and realized what a good thing he had.

The post left by her ex-boyfriend is a declaration of his love to her. 

He is the most selfish person on the planet. 

If he really loved her he would only want her to be happy.  He would see that Dan makes her happy and not try to manipulate her emotions to get her to come back to him. 

I know how he feels because someone I loved got engaged only 3 months after we stopped seeing each other.  Did I confess my love for him?  No, I said I was happy to hear that he had found someone new, and I really was.  When I hung up I cried the hottest tears I had since I was a little girl.

All I can say is that ANYONE would be a better brother-in-law than that kid.  Thinking of him fills my heart with a disturbing amount of anger. 




Last night Eric took me to the Incubus concert for my birthday.  It was AWESOME!  I really love that band.  Brandon Boyd is a little weird, but for the show it was great!  I knew almost every song (they played some from back in the day when I didn't listen to them yet).  They played Drive, which was the song that introduced the band to me.  In the middle they dropped out all the instrumentals and two voices just harmonized and counterpointed the melody.  It was so cool.  Plus, it was great to go with Eric.  He is the best, and except for one awkward moment when we leant toward each other a little too close to hear what the other person was saying, everything felt completely platonic and fun.  I don't know why, but sometimes that kid can still make my stomach do a flip flop if he looks at me right.   I don't think that means I'm not over him, I think it means that I still think he's attractive, which is true.  I mean, the kid is hot.

I was going to go waterskiing before the show, but a storm decided to roll through during the precise hour I was out on the lake.  Bummer.

Tonight I am going to bed early.  I have to, I'm just exhausted.  Maybe I have mono. 


Monday, July 26, 2004

Nine Lies of Farenheit 9/11

Thought this was an interesting article. Thanks Anth.


Birthday Weekend

All I can say is WOAH about this weekend!

Friday night the party went off without a hitch.  Sarah, Colin, Amy W, Eric T, Erik G, Amy G and I all went out for dinner ( I had a mushroom burger....yummmm). Then, we all met up with a bunch of people at the roller skating rink.  There were so many kids in middle school it was unreal.  It was almost painful to see the rampant insecurity and know exactly how they felt and what they were thinking and going through.  Yikes.  I wouldn't go back to being that age for anything in the world.  Anyway, I used my awesome purple puma rollerskates and was doing pretty well.  I was even doing pretty well going backwards on them until this kid wasn't watching and totally took me out.  I was pretty annoyed at that.  The mail man and I skated for a bit, but intentionally avoided the "couples" skate.  Lame.  After skating, everyone went back to my house for cake.  It was really cool.  Having a bunch of mormons over for a party can either be really fun or really lame.  Because there isn't any alcohol, people have a hard time loosening up.  Anyway, we all took shots of this really nasty juice that my roommate Amy's step mom gave her.  The party was a complete success.  At one point I looked around and everyone in the room seemed to be talking and laughing.  It really made me happy.  Actually, all except for Colin who fell asleep on the floor.  I guess every party needs a pooper, but.....

Saturday was another great day.  I woke up at 10 and stayed in bed reading until noon.  Glorious!  Then, I spent the rest of the afternoon doing a serious cleaning job on the house, and making nanimo bars.  If you have never tried this delectable treat you haven't really lived.  They are my absolute favorite, and totally remind me of going to Lindamens in high school with Brooke. 

At 5 our ward had a luau.  It was supposed to be outside at a pool, but the weather was crappy, so they moved it inside.  It was pretty lame, and the rice they made was WAY funky.  I got to talk to this kid, Matt.  He is really nice and I would have a pretty serious crush on the kid if I weren't so into the mail man.  He plays the jazz piano and played the violin all growing up.  Yet, he still manages to be good at sports.  Pretty impressive in my book.  The mail man decided to go climbing instead of supporting the ward activity.  I don't really blame him because if I hadn't already committed to going I probably would have just stayed home or something. 

After the luau, I hung out with the mail man.  We challenged Amy and Erik to a skee-ball tournament at Chuck E Cheese.  We lost, but not by much. He locked his keys in his car at the climbing gym, so we had to go out to Thorton to get them.  After that we were going to make cookies at my house, but I didn't have any brown sugar, so we decided we'd do it on Sunday.  We watched a movie.  I realized with greater and greater clarity how much I like this kid and how much it will suck when he leaves.

Sunday church was pretty good.  The talks were interesting.  Erik gave one on "the power of determination," which seems a little redundant to me.  The mail man came up to gospel essentials with me and sat by me.  I thought that was a really good sign and kind of a boyfriend-y thing to do. Class was rough, and I fell asleep for 10 minutes of Relief Society.  I made a new friend in RS, so I count that as a worthwhile reason to have gone.

After church the mail man, and his brother and I hung out in the parking lot for a while.  I had to open my trunk to get the directions to the jam session I was going to, and Zane, the mail man's brother, saw my golf clubs.  He went nuts and started getting them out and swinging them around in the parking lot.  Weird. 

I went down to the jam session at my fiddling teacher's house in Denver.  It was awesome!  I played pretty well for my first time ever.  It was so cool. I just sat around with about 4 guitarists backing me up.  I did fairly well, but I'm still going to have to practice before the contest in two weeks.  After all the students played, my teacher and her band (gypsy swing review) started playing.  OH MY GOSH!  They were awesome.  I could have sat there and listened to them all day.  I really wish I could play like that.  I had to leave at around 5, so I said my farewell to my teacher (she is moving to Idaho), and didn't mention the last lesson that I had paid  $35 for and didn't receive.

Came home, crashed for an hour, went to Eric's house for dinner.  We made pizza and tried to get Brett to let us spray whipped cream on his newly shaved head. Then, at 9:30 I went home and called the mail man.  He was still up for making cookies, so he came over and we started.  I licked the beater clean of batter, and promptly felt sick.  I don't know what it could have been?  I mean it is totally strange to get sick from eating 5 nanimo bars, a whole strip of brownies from a 9X13 pan, a beater of cookie dough, hommade pizza and chips and salsa!  Spent the night curled up in a ball on the couch talking to the mail man while he rubbed my back.  Yea for nice boys who try to make you feel better when you have totally gorged yourself on treats.  Goal for the day:  NO SUGAR!

Farm Pics

About a week ago I went to the church farm.  My friend Kent took these pics.


Friday, July 23, 2004

Happy Birthday to Me

Just to let you all know, I have the best friends on the planet.  You might think that your friends are cool and thoughtful and the best ever, but you are wrong. Mine are the best. 

Special things my friends have done for me already this morning:

1) Derek called me from Pennsylvania to wish me a happy birthday. (this meant SO much to me, I don't know why)
2) Colin and Sarah showed up at my house and made me birthday pancakes just like my parents did.
3) I got into work and Colin decorated my cube to the nines.  There are streamers hanging from the ceiling, balloons covering the floor and rainbow confetti EVERYwhere.  The custodian is going to HATE me.
4) Sarah, Colin and Amy Sue bought me a pair of pink and purple puma rollerskates for me to wear to the party tonight. 

When I walked down stairs this morning and saw the birthday pancakes I just lost it.  I haven't felt to appreciated in a really long time and I just started tearing up. It seems like you go on with your day to day life and think that people are too wrapped up in their own lives to really notice, because that's how you are.  Then, something like this happens and it just makes you realize things, you know?  Anyway, have a great day. I wish you all could come to my rollerskating party tonight to see my new skates in action!

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Birthday Eve

I know there is really no such thing as "birthday eve" in the normal world, but this is katieland where anything goes.

If someone were reading this blog and seeing what a big deal I am making about my birthday they might think I am a little obsessed or crazy, but you have to understand where I'm coming from.  Birthdays at my house are a HUGE deal.  The day starts out with birthday pancakes.  This means that my dad makes a towering stack of dinner plate sized pancakes.  My mom puts candles in the stack, lights them, is joined by the rest of my family singing happy birthday, and then slices the pancakes into wedges like a normal cake.  This is a really important tradition.  In march I drove over to Utah so that I could make my sister birthday pancakes for her birthday.  Its that big of a deal.  All day long the phone is ringing off the hook from my aunt and grandma calling about every hour to sing happy birthday to me.  We go out to dinner, and then usually have a big party.  Every single year of my life (except when I've been away from home) I've had a pinata filled with candy and treats.  Even into high school.  This being my "Golden Birthday" they've already started the celebration.  Last Friday my aunt started calling and wishing me a happy birthday week.  My grandma called from Alaska, even though she doesn't get reception and all I heard was static and every 9th word.  My mom called this morning and left me a voice mail wishing me happy birthday.  Now you understand why I am a little obsessed.

Yesterday I got stood up for my last fiddling lesson. I was way bummed.  I had practiced really hard and was totally ready for a great last lesson.  I gathered my fiddle, tapes, and antiquated tape recorder in my excited hands and made my way to her door.  As I glanced into her slightly translucent window I caught a glimpse that confused me.  Every other week the student before me was a 30 something guy who looked like he could work at inateck as a computer programmer.  Today as I peered in for a closer look it was a 40 something housewife looking woman who was playing a cello.  Curious?  I stood before the door for a minute and then decided to knock and walk in.  I was greeted by my teacher's roommate (who I had heard crazy stories about).  She informed me that my teacher was out of town and apologized for the miscommunication.  I turned around dejectedly.  I felt hurt, rejected, forgotten. (not really, this is just me taking some literary liberty to make the story better).

I hopped back in my car and raced home.  I was planning on leaving straight from my lesson to meet Sarah and Michele in Denver to go to a comedy show.  Getting my lesson cancelled afforded me a solid 30 minutes to nap.  This week has been the "stay up WAY too late, realize you are really cool and have a great social life, but pay for it with a splitting headache in the morning" week.

While I was napping my friend Calvin called to wish me a happy birthday.  I was floored that he even remembered it.  My first reaction was to try to figure out how who had reminded him about it.  I thought there was no way he would just remember on his own.  I tried to think up elaborate ways he could have talked to someone who talked to someone else who told him not to forget.  Then I realized I was being retarded and just gave him the benefit of the doubt that he actually remembered on his own and actually cared about me.  That made me feel much better.

I drove down to Denver and met up with Sarah and Michele.  The comedy show was really funny and I had a great time hanging out with both of them.  They are the type of girls who are just fun to hang out with.  They never say mean catty things about other people, they are smart and can hold an interesting conversation, they don't dominate and talk about themselves, and they can tell a great story.  Just good people.

I didn't get home until late...Again.  Now my head is pounding and I am wondering how long I can last at work.  My friends are taking me out for lunch at 11:30. I'm sure I can make it until then.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Movin' On Up

Last night I hung out with work friends, and it was REALLY fun.  We all had BBQ and played games.  It was really cool. I made my world famous spinach and pear salad, which was appropriately appreciated by everyone who tasted it. 

After the games Sarah came over and we hung out for a little while.  That girl is so cool. 

I didn't even talk to the mail man yesterday, and I am fine with that.  I REALLY like how things are going with him.  Slow and steady, no big bumps.  It is wonderful. 

I talked with Eric on the phone yesterday and we both decided that all the drama is over.  We are back to just being normal.  What a relief!

I just went to talk to my lead at the new position I am starting and he seems really nice.  I think I'll be able to do a really good job for him.  I don't know much about the new area I'll be working in, but he wants me to make decision and figure stuff out on my own, which is great!  I think I'll actually learn how to be a better engineer, and maybe it will help me realize what I want to study in grad school. 

Today is the day of optimism and good feelings, so go out there and spread it around. 

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Take me out to the Ball Game....

At 2:45 pm yesterday my phone rang.  It was Sarah saying that she was done working in the lab and ready to take me shopping.  Lately  I have been on a clothes buying rampage.  I think this spree is a result of two main impetuses. First, I don't have a washing machine handy, so I am rapidly running out of clean clothes and second, wearing a new outfit makes me feel more attractive and I'm trying to work it with the mail man.  Anyway, lethal combination.  I threw all my cubicle stuff into two boxes, packed up my computer and labeled everything for my  move in 7 minutes and was out the door.  I met Sarah at her house and we went to Pearl street.  She found this really cool store and we did a mad dash, because we only had enough change for 18 minutes on the parking meter.  I got a really cute white skirt with a big pink flower on it, and Sarah almost bought a cool pair of black and white shoes but she had restraint.  Impressive.
After our mad rushed shopping, I came back to my house to get ready for the Rockies game.  I felt retarded "getting ready" for a baseball game, but I knew the mail man was going to be there and I still feel like I need to look my best around him.  I drove down to the game with Colin, Eric and Brett.  It was good to be with them. It felt right.  It felt normal.  I was happy. Because I am on the FHE committee, I had a reserved parking spot right across the street from the stadium.  It was the parking spot of my dreams.  Really, there wasn't a closer lot we could have parked in.  It was great.
We got our tickets, and took our seats.  Now, I really don't like to watch baseball and I find it even harder to get into the game if you can hardly see the people playing.  Our seats were the very farthest away.  Although, since they were free I can't really complain. The mail man was a little late, since he worked until 6:30.  He called me as soon as he got to the stadium and I told him how to get his ticket and get in.  When he got up to the stands I was talking with Colin, so I didn't really see him right away.  When I turned around there he was and my stomach jumped all the way up to the mile high seats in the stadium.  He was sitting on the bench next to me, but there was a space between us.  Just then, his sister came over and sat in between us.  UGH!  We talked for a while, but the mail man didn't say anything to me and I was getting a little frustrated. 
In an effort to calm down and just let it go, I decided to find a Pepsi.  As I was leaving our nosebleed seats, I saw a lady holding a Pepsi bottle, so I assumed you can get them in the stadium.  WRONG.  I walked around the whole stadium looking for that delicious nectar that would soothe my rumpled feathers.  I had to settle with a coke.  Gross. 
I got my soda and was walking back up the stands. I turned into my row and what befell my eyes, but the mailman with his ex-girlfriend sitting on the bleacher in front of him, leaning back into his open legs.  I was instantly enraged.  I felt betrayed and played and tricked.  Why had I let him get to me so quickly when he was obviously just a player who didn't look at me as anything but a diversion until he can get back to school.  I was really hurt.  The guys I was with were typical guys and didn't know how to truly help me fuel the fire within.  If Sarah had been there she would have been so mad for me her wrath would have been uncontrollable. 
In the 6th inning the three boys left me to go walk around and pee, so I was left alone.  The mail man and I chatted a little, but I could feel that I was being cold and distant.  It sucked.
The mail man and his sister left in the bottom of the 6th because some of her friends were at Cheesecake factory just down the street and she wanted to go say hi.  He wouldn't let her wander downtown Denver by herself.  That was nice. 
The boys got back and I was miserable, so we left between the top and bottom of the 7th. 
I was so mad on the drive home, but was able to keep it in until I had dropped off the guys.  When they got out of the car I just let it go.  Tears were running down my cheeks like a deluge.  I was so tired of letting people into my heart just to have them trample all over it.  I really needed to talk to someone, and the first person that came to mind was Eric.  As I was reaching over to my phone, it rang and it was him.  He knew I wasn't OK and called to tell me that I'm cool and that he was there if I needed anything.  It meant so much to me to have him say he was there for me.  All I really needed was a hug and for someone to tell me that (1) the mail man was a retard and (2) I am cool. 
I got home took a bath and then saw that the mail man had texted me.  It said:
"why'd you leave, you fair weather fan" (because the Rockies were loosing 12-2)
I had calmed down a little.
I tested back:
"I wasn't really into the game, plus I felt really stupid."
He tried to call, but I wasn't feeling like talking.  He left a message that said to call. Then he texted:
"why?"  (Like he didn't know)
I replied:
"Lots of reasons"
He replied
"Anything I can do?  I don't want you to feel dumb."
I replied
"Nothing you can do, just dumb girl stuff."
Then he called me and asked why I felt stupid.  In that instant I just decided to stop messing around and be honest.  No games.  I said, "well, I really like you mailman and I just felt like..."
Then he said he was coming over and we could go get a frosty together.  Good, I hate the phone.
He got to my house in record time and we drove over to wendy's.  We talked about everything under the sun except the conversation we started having on the phone.  We got back to my house and ate our frosty dairy desserts.  We finally got around to me saying that I felt retarded because when I walked up the stairs and saw her between his legs all flirty.  He said that none of that was initiated by him, and when she did it he didn't know what to do and he was worried about me coming back and seeing them like that and what message that would send.  He apologized for any awkwardness.  It was perfect, and exactly what Colin had guessed happened.  It was like at my birthday last year when all Colin wanted to do was talk to Sarah, but Gabby kept getting in the way. 
Anyway, the mail man and I stayed up until 2:30 talking again.  I am crazy about this kid!  We kind of talked about what was happening and we regretted the bad timing (since he's leaving so soon).  We decided that we would hang out for the next month, and then when he comes back for winter break we'd go skiing together. Timing is everything.  Why couldn't I have met him while we both were in Provo and we could actually date?  Now we are doing this kind of strange half dating, despite both of our better judgments. 

Monday, July 19, 2004

4 Days Until the Roller Skating 23rd Birthday!

Weekend Report

Caveat Emptor:  This post will probably illustrate just how overdramatic and strange I am.  Just thought you should be warned.
Friday I left work early because I had nothing to do.  My company picnic started at 4 in the afternoon, and I wasn't really planning on going due to the torrential downpour, but Colin called and informed me that it was still on.  I'm not really one to pass on a free meal, so I decided I'd meet him there. It was pretty rainy, but it was still nice.  Sarah came for a few minutes, but had to go to work.  Colin an I just ended up talking the whole time we were there.  I don't really like going to work functions because its the same people I see every day and outside of work there really isn't much to talk about.  Anyway, it was just pouring down rain by the time we wanted to leave.  It was interesting to watch all the little kids play in the rain.  They would stand just inside the protection of the covered picnic table area and lean out until the water that ran off the top fell onto their outstretched tongues.  If I'd had a camera and were a photographer there would have been some really amazing moments caught on film.  I remember being that little kid who was just enthralled by rain.  What happens to us as we grow up and see a rainstorm as merely an inconvenience? 
After getting home and drying off a little I made some brownies for the BBQ that my friend Amy was having.  I'll have to admit that I made brownies for two reasons.  First, the mail man loves brownies and I invited him to go to the BBQ with me, so I thought I'd win some points there.  Second, Eric was the one who invited me to the BBQ, and the kind of brownies with the big chocolate chip chunks are his favorite.  I thought it might make him feel good to think that I made them for him. 
Anyway, the BBQ was supposed to start around 7:30 or 8.  The mail man called me at 7:30 to tell me that he'd be late because traffic coming home from work was a nightmare.  Ok, annoying, but understandable.  At 8 he called and asked me if his sister could come with us.  I was again annoyed because I wanted some time alone with him.  Anyway, they showed up at my house at 8:15 and we left. I forgot the brownies.  We got to the party house and no one was there.  I was really confused, but we decided to go out bowling with some other people.  I was pretty hurt that they just forgot about me and didn't tell me what was going on. At around 9 Colin called me and told me that the party had moved to another house.  Colin is my real friend.  He is considerate and would never let me down.
I didn't really feel like driving all the way back down there, plus we were already set on bowling, so I just decided to not hang out with them.  At bowling the mailman paid a ton of attention to me.  Yea!  Plus, I broke 100 and had 2 strikes in a row.  Pretty amazing huh?!?
After bowling a big group went out to the mailman's house and played a pool game called CRUD.  The mail man's ankle was still jacked up, so he didn't play.  We played ping pong and I didn't do too poorly.  By 1 am everyone had left but me, since I didn't drive there.  The mail man realized that he needed to drive me home.  We got into the car and talked the whole way home.  When we got to my house he just stopped to let me out.  My confusion was ended by that move.  Clearly, if he was interested in me he would have at least parked and talked more, or walked me to my door or something.  I into my house really disappointed.  I got ready for bed and as I was setting my alarm clock I noticed that he had called me twice.  I called him back at at 1:30 in the morning we talked for half an hour.   He said he was going to drive his car out to where I live right then because he needed gas, and it is about 20 cents cheaper by my house.  He asked if I wanted to go.  I told him I was already in my bed.  This move really confused me.  If he liked me why did he slow down just enough to let me bail out of his car at the drop off.  If he doesn't like me, why would he call me at 1 in the morning to see if I wanted to go on a gas run with him?  Strange boys.
Saturday I slept in, something I haven't done in FOREVER.  When I woke up, I just laid in bed reading until 11.  It was glorious.  I love starting out a day like that.  I finished True Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister.  It was pretty good, and the author has a really interesting writing style.
I rolled out of bed, and realize how hurt I had been by getting ditched the night before.  Amy called and apologized for how things turned out, so my hurt ego was instantly appeased.  But, I was still really mad at Eric.  He was the one who had invited me to the thing in the first place, and then he didn't even care when I didn't show up?  Plus, he knows me well enough to know that getting ditched by my friends is a fear I have.  Anyway, that added to a whole week of being conviently omitted from  his plans started to wear on me.  I started thinking that he was an inconsiderate person and I didn't really need the headache that went with trying to be his friend.  I drove over to his house and gave him the concert tickets that I bought for us back when we were together.  I told him that I had been really hurt by his actions the past week and he had proved to me that he didn't really want to be my friend.  I told him he could have the tickets and I was done working on being his friend.  I left and felt so good the whole way home because I realized that all that effort that I've been putting into trying to be his friend was now over.  I laughed out loud because I was able to release all that pressure. 
When I got home I got in the shower and got ready for the day.  When I was done, I had a message on my phone from Eric.  He accused me of being too immature to answer the phone (he had a point) and that he hoped some day we would be able to talk things over like grown ups.  He said he wasn't going to the show unless it was with me, so I could just have the tickets back.  I called him and we talked things out.  I apologized for over reacting and he apologized for being inconsiderate.  I think things will be better now.  I hope they will.  We're still going to the concert together, so that's good. 
I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning my house and making an apple pie.  The house looked great, the pie was kind of crap. 
At 5 I went to the park and played ultimate Frisbee again.  It wasn't as fun as last week, but I still played really well.  I'm actually getting pretty good at that game, which is exciting.  I played with no shoes and the ground was really wet.  Kind of gross, but still pretty fun.  This kid named Matt Bulter came to play.  He was really nice and funny and plays jazz piano.  We got to talking about music and I told him that Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday were my favorites and he said that he'd been listening to Ella on the way over to the game.  INTRIGUING.  If I wasn't fully smitten by the mailman I know I would have a crush on this kid. 
After the game, I met my friend Derek in Boulder for a benefit concert.  It was an AMAZING show.  The first group was a fiddler from Boston.  She was really good, had an amazing voice and made me want to go home and practice.  Her group sounded a lot like nickel creek, except substitute an upright bass for the mandolin.  The second act was a blues guitarist.  I was awesome.  To warm up the crowd they played Come Together by the Beatles.  It was cool because it was all instrumental until they pointed to the audience and we sang "over me."  It was really fun.  The only downer was that everyone got up to dance on the floor in the front, and the guy I was with didn't want to dance.  Too bad, I love dancing and I really wanted to get up there, but I felt dumb going by myself and I felt like I would have been a bad friend to just leave him sitting there by himself.  The last act was the one we had really come to see.  It was Alana Davis.  She did a great job!  I was really impressed by the whole show.  It was really diverse, but kind of all blended together.  I told the mail man that I thought the show would be out by 11,  and he told me to give him a call afterward.  Well, with encores and stuff it didn't get out until after midnight.  I still called him and he said he wasn't tired, so he came over to my house.  We stayed up until 4 am talking and laughing.  It was great.  Good news: I am completely crazy about this kid, and I'm pretty sure he likes me too.  Bad news:  What happens now?
Sunday I rolled out of bed at 8 am (yes, that is after only 4 hours of sleep) and got to church on time.  I made it all the way to the end of the third hour and totally fell asleep.  Sarah invited me to go on a hike after church, and it was the perfect day, but I just couldn't stay awake for one more moment.  The mail man followed me home from church to get a brownie.  Then, I went to sleep. I slept from 2-4.  Then, I read for a while and practiced my fiddle.  At 6 I called the mail man and we decided that I'd go to the BBQ that Amy was having at 7 and he'd eat dinner with his family.  Then, we'd hang out afterward.  He didn't want to stay out late because he had stayed out every night last week and it had made going to his work really hard.  I said that was fine. 
I went to Amy's house for the BBQ.  It was rad.  I love those people.  Eric was there and things between us felt normal again.  I was totally relieved.  I realized that I was the main catalyst for any hard feelings between us.  If I'm laid back and normal, he takes his cue from me and everything is fine.  Things only get weird when I overreact and act like a crazy person.  Colin made his AWESOME salsa.  I could eat it with a spoon.  It has chunks of avacado and mango in it.  Dreamy.  Anyway, I stayed there until 9.  I was the first one to leave and I felt really weird getting up and leaving.  I've never been the one to do that, like I've got somewhere more important to be or something.  I felt like a jerk, and when I left I caught a look on Eric's face that kind of made me feel bad. 
Anyway, I headed back to my house.  Amy, Erik, the mail man and I played 3 rounds of clue (all of which Erik won), and a game of Nerts (which I dominated at).  Then, Erik left and it was just the mail man and I again.  We sat on the couch and talked and we listened to some Spanish music that I'd never heard, but he really liked.  We cuddled and held hands and just laughed.  This is my favorite time in a friendship.  When everything is new, but you're sure that the other person is just as excited to be with you and you are to be with them. 
I'm really crazy about this guy.  I love spending time with him because he is so interesting.  We have totally different interests, but that is what makes it cool because I can talk about what I like, and he can teach me about what he likes.  It really works out great. 
Tonight we are going to a Colorado Rockies game for FHE.  There are going to be about 65 kids going to this thing.  I'm way excited.  I'm driving down with Eric, so that will be good to spend that time together.  I really like being his friend and I want him to know that I care about him.  I know he doesn't know where he fits into the picture what with the mail man and all, but I want him to know that I still love hanging out with him and I want him to feel free to call me up any time to talk or hang out. 

Friday, July 16, 2004

In response

I was reading my friend Loyd's blog this morning. I was about to comment on his post entitled "All I want for Christmas is..." and say that there are lots of girls who can be consistent for a few days, lumping myself into that desirable category.  Then, I read back through my posts just from this last week and I realized that, if those girls do exist I am for sure not one of them.  I'm all over the place.  No wonder guys have such a hard time trying to figure us out.  We are random and unpredictable and often erratic.  All I can say is, that is the nature of the game guys.  You've gotta take the good with the bad. 

Made me laugh

Since it seems like a bunch of my friends are getting engaged recently, I've been thinking about what kind of proposal I would be impressed by.  I think I might want a little more than what my mom got (my dad tossed the box in her lap and said "what do you think?" when she opened it, the diamond wasn't even in a ring setting yet, but still in the earing setting he bought it in), but I don't really need what my friend Katie just had (she and her bf flew out to NY, and he asked her on the Fourth of July on top of the totally deserted empire state building). This story cracked me up and made me realize that there is a lid for every pot.

Tired and Bored

For the past couple of days I've really been feeling bored.  Life seems to be stuck in a rut of a routine and nothing really changes.  I need a challenge.  Something that motivates me, and I just don't seem to have that right now.  Hopefully this move at work on Tuesday will help.  With any luck I will feel completely incompetent and that will get me into gear and excited to learn something new.  This kind of feeling happens pretty regularly every 6-8 months, and I don't really know how to change it.  Usually I just plough through and things get better. 
This morning I don't even really care about how things are going with the mail man.  He is cool, but what's the point?  He's going back to Provo in a month where he will undoubtedly find the girl of his dreams and I'll be a faint memory.  Is it really worth getting myself all involved with someone who won't do the same for me? 
Tonight is my work summer picnic, but I'm seriously considering not going.  Its pretty much just a chance for everyone to stand around a keg of beer and talk about work.  I don't drink, and I don't like talking about work when I'm not there. 
Later my friend Amy is having a BBQ.  That should be fun.  Sarah is back from Mexico, so it will be good to catch up and hear all her stories.  I stopped by her work last night to see her and chat for a while, but she had to keep helping customers, so that put a damper on our convo. 
Saturday I'm going to a concert at the Boulder Theater.  It is going to be filled with hippies that reek of pot, but I already bought the tickets so I'm going.  The only thing I'm looking forward to doing this weekend is playing Frisbee on Saturday. 
Sorry about the funk I'm in this morning, but everyone is entitled to a down day once in a while, right?

Thursday, July 15, 2004


Best Parents in the WORLD

I know a lot of people think that they have great families, and they probably do. Some families are great, but mine is the BEST...hands down! For a year I've been taking fiddling lessons just as a way to learn something new and to not waste all the time and money that has been put into my musical education. On August 7 there is a contest that my teacher told me I should sign up for. I thought about it and decided what the heck. Well, I told my family I was going to do it, and my parents decided to fly down here to watch me play. How cool is that?!?!?

So my crush on the mail man grows DAILY. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and just smiled thinking about him. I haven't felt this way about a guy since Derek in college. He is just so interesting to talk to. Also, this is big, he scraped off the orange numbers that have been on my windshield for WAY too long. Last October I was in Provo, and parked my car overnight in my sister's apartment complex parking lot. Well, if you know Provo, you know the end of this story. It got towed. When they tow your car, they use this weird waxy crayon to write down a number to keep the lot organized. Well, I didn't wash the numbers off right away, and they became a hard, cemented-on feature of my car. I wash my car religiously every Monday afternoon, but (much to my chagrin) the bubble brush and the high pressure soap would not dislodge the identifying numbers. My ex-boyfriend would always comment on the numbers and I would always make some kind of comment back about him scraping them off to show me how much he cares (this of course was just a joke, but it kept me from actually cleaning them off). I was floored when last night the mail man grabbed a razor blade, strode casually out to my car and scraped the numbers off in a matter of minutes. He passed a test I didn't even know I was giving.

The mail man, his brother and I stayed up talking really late last night. Turns out his brother has NEVER had a girlfriend. He hasn't even ever really gone on a second date with someone. This kid is 22 years old and still has yet to find anyone he really wanted to seriously date. How does that happen? There are SO many interesting people out there. It boggled my mind. I kind of feel sorry for the first girlfriend because she is going to assume that he knows someone about being in a relationship because he is so old, but he won't know anything. He'll make all the first-timer mistakes and she'll be so frustrated.

So things with the mail man are heading down a path I know well. The path of, "I just think you are the greatest girl, and I can tell you are crazy about me, but I just really don't see anything happening." It is a well traveled path for me, dating back to my first death crush, Nate Usher. This kid completely had me head over heals, but never led me on to think things were going to move in any romantic direction. Because he acted like a grownup we are still friends to this day. I don't really know what I can do in the situation I am in now other than just roll with whatever comes.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

10 days

The skiing yesterday was AMAZING! It was the first time, after an entire season of attempting last summer that I got up slalom. Once I got the hang of it, it really wasn't that hard. I am a skiing champ. Now I really need my own boat. Why are toys so expensive?

Coming back to work after spending two glorious hours on the lake was painful. All afternoon I texted back and forth with the mail man. He asked me when he could have a rematch with Texas and other kind of flirty things, so that was nice. At the end of the exchange he said he had to focus on work, so he'd call me later. That made me happy.

I got home from work and was so tired! I honestly felt like I had been hit by a truck. Amy was making dinner for the missionaries and asked if I wanted to join. I'm not going to turn down home cooked fried chicken, so I said yes. Even though all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and take a nap, I asked her if there was anything I could do to help her out. She told me that I looked tired and if I wanted to nap, she would come wake me up when dinner was ready. All of a sudden an angelic light fell upon her and I realized that she must have been sent from above. All a tired and hungry person wants to hear is that someone else will wake them from a nap and feed them right away. It reminded me of my mom a little.

The nap was delicious. One of those naps that you wake from and it feels like your arms weigh 50 pounds each because every muscle in them is relaxed. Wonderful.

Dinner was good, except the missionaries stood Amy up. It was nice to sit and chat with Erik and Amy. Erik showed me a bunch of card tricks, so that was cool. After dinner we cleared the table (I did the dishes like the good sponging roommate) and set out the clue board. I forgot how much I like that game. It is really pretty fun. During the first game the mail man called me, but I didn't answer because my phone was upstairs in my room and I was too tired to run. Between the first and second games I went up and got it. He didn't leave me a message. I should have got the hint from that. He was just calling because he said he would, and not because he especially wanted to see me or talk. Anyway, I was excited to hear his voice (I know this is lame, but its true), so I called him back. Listening to the promptings of my friends, I invited him over to play games with us. It was almost 8 and he said that he just got home and was going to shower and eat dinner with his family and stuff, so he didn't know if he was going to come over. I said, "Ok, well if you want to come over you can." In my mind I was thinking, "That’s cool, he doesn’t like board games. Don't take this personal, a lot of people don't like games. Plus, he just sprained his ankle last night so he probably wants to just relax."

Well, Erik really wanted to go out and play mini-golf so he told me to call the mail man back up and ask him to go play golf with us. I called him back and he said (this is a direct quote), "No, I think I'm going to take the night off." I said ok and hung up. I got all upset about that comment, and even when I came into work I was intending this post to be a rant about that excuse, but as I started to type I realize that he has a SPRAINED ANKLE. Of course he didn't want to walk around on it for 2 hours playing mini golf. I am totally retarded. Why is it that when someone says something like that my first response is to take it so personally? He wasn't saying that hanging out with me has become some kind of menial task and he needs some time off from me. He just didn’t want to hobble around in the dark. I'm so dumb sometimes. I got myself all worked up over nothing, plus I probably made him feel bad last night for turning me down. I'm a total moron.

This morning I woke up and my shoulders and back are just SORE from water skiing. How lame. I need to get out on the water more often so I get over this. On the plus side, I am getting the best tan of my life on my arms this summer from all this outdoor activity. I mean my arms are seriously not white. Right now I am wearing the white leather watch that I got back in February. When I got it, the leather was the same color as my wrist, but now it is decidedly not. Most of you would still look at my arms and say they were as white as the driven snow, but you have to look at them through a red-head's perspective. In that light, I'm practically Mexican.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

11 Days and Counting!

Oh my gosh!

For FHE last night we went ice blocking. As usual, none of my friends came to the activity. That is so discouraging. Ice blocking is a really fun thing, and if they aren't going to come for that, I'm living in a dream world if I think they'll ever come to some other activity. Although, next week FHE is taking everyone out to the Colorado Rockies baseball game for free. There are about 65 people signed up to go. We're going to spend all of our money for the rest of the year on this one activity. I hope everyone has a good time because that will be the end. Whatever.

I'm actually really glad I have this calling because it forces me to be outgoing and meet new people. It is fun to get new friends because they don't disappoint you they way old ones can.

Ice blocking was really fun, but after about 4 runs I gave my block to someone else. I was talking with this really nice girl, Nikki, and I asked her if I brought my Frisbee over if she'd play with me. She said yes, so I started walking back to my car. Just as a rounded the corner I saw the mail man and his sister throwing their Frisbee around. It was like they'd read my mind and brought theirs, saving me a trek back to my car. Anyway, Nikki and I joined their game. He taught me how to throw the Frisbee from the outside, instead of the conventional way from the inside. I actually got the hang of it pretty quick. In my past I've always tried to avoid doing things athletic because I've thought I'd be bad at them, but lately I've been giving them a try and it turns out they weren't as hard as I originally thought. That is a really good lesson for me to have learned. Anyway, we played Frisbee for a while. I was dropping every pass, but that’s alright. I guess the plan was for the mail man to go play hockey with a bunch of people after FHE, but when they asked him if he was going, he told them he wasn't going to. I know this is probably just wishful thinking, but I thought that the reason he didn't want to play with them was because he wanted to hang out with me. Probably not the truth, but still nice to think. We were just about to pack it up and go home when this kid Dwight threw the mail man a really long pass. He took off running to catch it. He jumped in the air, caught it, but came down funny on his ankle and just collapsed. He tried to get up and walk on it, but he fell to the ground. His sister is in physical therapy school and she diagnosed that he had sprained his ankle. He was laying there in the grass, so I thought I'd make myself useful, and I ran to get him one of the abandoned ice blocks so he could ice it down. I thought I was kind of a dumb thing to do, but whenever someone gets hurt I feel like I need to be doing something. What good can I do just standing around staring? I also ran and got him his sandals. He got up and wouldn't let anybody help him walk to his car. I walked along side him and asked if he was alright. He said he would be, but he probably wouldn’t be up for anything later that night but watching a movie. Then, he invited me over to his house to watch a movie. I was really excited, so I said yes.

I went over to his house and his sister, he and I watched some old Disney movie. I guess the movie was a family favorite, and I was being tested to see if I could hang. I am actually a huge fan of the genre, so I fit right in. As the mailman sat with his foot elevated, and iced down with frozen mixed vegetables I stole glances and him and realized that I was INCREDIBLY attracted to the kid. His sister went up to her room mid-movie so it was just the two of us that finished it up. All of my preconceived notions of her maybe not wanting us to get together vanished. What a cool girl she is to leave us alone.

After the movie ended I got up to leave, but we ended up talking for quite a while. He paid me the best compliment I could ever get. He asked me if I played any sports in high school and when I replied with a resounding no, he seemed genuinely surprised. Then he said, "Really? Usually girls who didn't play any sports are uncoordinated. You are really athletic for someone who didn't play any sports. Maybe you should have played in high school, because I bet you'd have done really well." You could have knocked me over with a feather! I've NEVER been told this in my whole life. I've always considered myself un-athletic and been kind of insecure about it, so to have someone compliment me like that was AMAZING. I'm sure he didn't, and doesn't, know how much that comment meant to me, but I will probably always remember it.

No goodnight kiss or hug or anything, but that was alright. I was just thrilled to have been with him. So what I thought was just a mild little crush is growing into a full on death crush.

I'm going skiing during lunch today and I wore my swimsuit under my clothes to work today so that I wouldn’t waste any precious time I could be out on the water. My goal today is to get up on one ski. I'll probably only manage to waste 30 minutes gulping down water while the one ski wobbles all over the place, followed by an immediate start as soon as I strap on the second ski. I don't know why I can’t get up on one, but I just really struggle with that.

I still can't believe he thinks that I am even remotely athletic. I sure have him fooled...or maybe not. I do snow ski, like to hike and camp, have a pretty decent Frisbee throw, and I live for time out on the lake. Perhaps I'm not the uncoordinated, backward geek I've always thought I was. Maybe that mental state was the only thing holding me back from fully embracing the jock within. Maybe not.

One more thing, my mom told me yesterday that she and my dad might come down to Colorado to check out the fiddle contest I’m going to be in on August 7. I really hope they come down because that would ROCK. It’s always nice to feel support of the fam.

Monday, July 12, 2004

The pursuit of happiness

I read this earlier today and thought it so profound I'd share it with you all.

"I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life, than on the nature of those events themselves."
- Humboldt

12 Days to the Big Event

This weekend was pretty interesting, so it is a good thing you signed on to read about it. Friday night I went to bed early, but the mail man called as I was climbing into bed. He was bored and wanted to hang out. I told him I was going to bed early because I was getting up to go work on a farm at 5 am the next morning. I was pretty excited that he called me to see what was going on. We decided that we would hang out Saturday night after he got back from a mission homecoming party of this girl he used to date.

Saturday morning I woke up before the sun, and made my way down to the church to meet up with the rest of the fools who thought hard manual labor on a Saturday morning sounded like a good idea. I got an Einstein bagel with strawberry cream cheese (my fave) and was only there a couple of minutes late. The original plan was to meet there at 5 and leave, but the night before someone called me and said we were meeting at 6. I was really relieved. I guess not everyone got the call informing of the changed meeting time, because some people were there at 5. I would have been a little ticked off, if that were me. Anyway, we all piled in the cars and took off. I rode with Kirsten, Colin and Kevin. Kevin is the guy who left a CD on my cara month ago. Another interesting fact that I don't think has been mentioned here is that about 2 months ago Kevin backed into my friend (and Colin's girlfriend) Sarah's car and caused about $200 worth of damage. He has yet to really apologize or offer to help pay her back for what was obviously his mistake. Kevin makes CD of parodies of songs and his latest one is about to go into "mass production" or so he told us on the ride up. Colin turned to him and said, "I have an idea. Why don't you sell your CDs for $4 each, and then you can pay Sarah back the money you owe her." The car went silent and I had to bite my lip to avoid laughing out loud.

We got up to the farm and it was pretty anticlimactic. All we did was walk along one row of lima beans and pick the weeks in that row. There were hardly any weeds at all and it took us about 20 minutes. I was a little let down because I came ready to work.

While we were working our rows, the kid next to me said he was really surprised to see me out working at the farm. He said that working at the farm didn't really seem like something I would do. This really surprised me because I really like doing stuff like that, but I must come across to him like some kind of really feminine girl who can't do an honest days work or something. This is compounded by my friend Jamie saying last week that I didn't seem like the kind of girl who liked to camp. What kind of image am I portraying to these people?!?! Does everyone think this?!?!

After the farm I came back home and took a nap all afternoon. At 5 I went over to the park across the street from my house and we played Ultimate Frisbee. I did fairly well, and it was really fun. None of my usual circle of friends was there and it felt really good to be with new people. I'm really making an effort to branch out and not be so confined to my group of friends (AKA cliquey). It was REALLY hot and we were all SWEATY, so I invited everyone to come over and swim in my pool. We played 500 for an hour or two until the sun went down. It was really fun. The mail man called while I was in the pool. I jumped out, ran over to my phone and called him back. Turns out he was going to the party later than he thought, and he wouldn't be back to hang out until later. Fine with me because I was having a really good time playing in the pool. One of the guys that was there was my roommate’s ex-boyfriend. Everyone started talking about how she is now engaged and I could tell that he was kind of upset about the whole thing. I felt really bad because I've been in that situation before. Even if you don't want to be the one that is getting married to your ex, it still kind of hurts to see them in love with and engaged to someone else, especially if you aren't dating anyone.

After swimming at the pool we were all starving, so we went to chick-fil-a. I was about done with hanging out with this large group of people and I was getting pretty excited to spend the evening with the mail man. We were all standing around in the parking lot and everyone asked what we were doing next, and looked at me like I was some kind of events planner on a cruise ship. I said I'd already planned most of the day’s events, so I didn't want to plan something. Then, they all decided that the best idea would be to just come back to my house and watch a movie.

So the mail man came over and we only got to spend 15 minutes alone talking and stuff when they all came over. It wouldn’t be so bad if it had been people I really liked to hang out with, but Kevin came over and he just drives me NUTS. The mail man and I sat on the same couch and toward the end of the movie I was getting really tired, so he moved down to the floor so I could lay down on the couch. It was a really nice thing for him to do. The movie ended, and everyone left. I was really disappointed because I didn't get a chance to really talk to the mail man, so as I climbed into bed I called him and invited him to go to a BBQ with me Sunday afternoon.

After church on Sunday we had a dinner, so everyone stayed and hung out and talked. The mail man sat directly across from me, which I thought was a good sign. His ex-girlfriend who just got back from her mission was also there and sat at our table. She was this perfect blonde who was really nice, so of course I was a little intimidated. We talked for a while about BYU and Provo in general. She didn't come off a bit territorial, like some girls can, so that was GREAT. After we ate, he and I went out to the foyer. I asked him what he was doing until the BBQ, and he said he had to take that other girl back home. He also kind of apologized for her being there and said something about it being awkward or something. I took that as a good thing. If he thought we were just going to be "friend" and had no interest in me I don't think he would worry about things being awkward.

Anyway, I came home from church and read/slept for a while. He called and woke me up at 4. He came over and we went to play Frisbee in the park. I wasn't throwing well at all, but he didn't make me feel bad. Major points for him. I am always so nervous about doing anything even slightly athletic around someone that I like because I'm really not good at anything like that. It was REALLY hot, so we stopped early. Then, we went over to Colin's BBQ. I wanted to see if he would fit in with my best friends, and he totally did. They're all going climbing tomorrow, which I think is cool. I could never date anybody, even for a month, that didn't like to hang out with my friends. That would be a nightmare.

After the BBQ we went back to my house. He stayed over until midnight and I taught him how to play Texas (a different version of the card game speed). He was pretty good at it, and it was fun to play with someone who didn't mind loosing. Then, we played real speed and he beat me. I tried to be a good loser, but I'm just not. Next time we play I am going to beat him so bad he won't know what hit him. Anyway, while we played we talked and he asked questions about my family and where I'm from and my high school experience. They seemed like more personal questions than you ask someone you're just being friends with. I'm optimistic that he likes me back, but still not sure. I'm still not really sure I want him to like me, but it is distracting and fun to think about, so I'm letting it take over.

Tonight we're going ice blocking for FHE, which should be fun. I wish my friends would come, but they probably won't. I remember last time I went ice blocking I had a crush on Ben Newson. That was almost a year ago. Marking time by my crushes is an interesting way to tell time. I don't think I've ever thought about it like that before.

My co-worker and I are going out waterskiing tomorrow for a long lunch. I am STOKED! It will be my first time out this season and it will be a perfect day! Hooray!

Saturday, July 10, 2004

My little sister and her new boyfriend Dan. What hotties! Posted by Hello

The hills are alive with the sound of music. When I found this meadow I ran frolicking across it. I love nature! Posted by Hello

Super Hero Girl! Posted by Hello

From right to left, Abbey, Sarah and Amy. Three of the coolest chicks in Colorado. Posted by Hello

What a tease! Almost as much as her big sister. Posted by Hello

This is the waterfall we found and Colin thought it would be cool to stand at the bottom. He got soaked and had to hike back to the cabin with wet shorts. Not really my idea of fun. Posted by Hello

Sarah and Colin together 4-ever Posted by Hello

This is when it started to rain on us, but we were so happy to find everything so green, we didn't really care. Posted by Hello

4 girls and Colin, all in a bed. This was a fun idea when we were falling asleep, but in the middle of the night I bailed and slept on the couch. Posted by Hello

Friday, July 09, 2004

Fahrenheit 9/11

Last night I went to see this movie with some friends. There were some things presented in the movie that I didn't know before (like when Bush found out about the attacks, he sat there reading a book about a goat for 10 minutes instead of leaping to action as I previously assumed he did). This is a movie that my dad probably shouldn't see as he will get so angry and not stop talking about it for a week. To preserve my mom's sanity, they should avoid seeing it.

This may be a naive way of looking at the war in Iraq, and I don't want to make anyone mad enough to call and yell at me, but this is what I think is funny. I think it is interesting that people get so mad and say that the reason we went over there was for oil, like that isn't a valid reason. To me, going over to save our oil supply is a dang good reason. Our whole lifestyle is built on oil. I think it's ironic when the same people who are protesting the war complain about high gas prices. You can't complain about both. Either you don’t like the war, and you are willing to give up using plastic or driving your car, or you support the war and are grateful for the conveniences we have in this country. I fall into the latter category.

14 Days Until My Birthday!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

All Hail the Blessedness of Text Messaging!

I just got a text from the mail man that says this:

"Hey thanks for inviting me for ice cream. It's been a while since I've done anything like that. I enjoyed it. Hope you have a great day!"

I am now on cloud 9. Hooray for nice boys!

Birthday Countdown.....15 days and counting!

Broken Heart

I think my heart is too big. I feel EVERYTHING, even other people's emotions. I just care so much about other people around me and I hate to see those I love stumbling. I think I get this from my dad. Why is it that we are supposed to work so hard to help other people avoid making mistakes, but in the end it is only they who can help themselves? We are supposed to "bear each other's burdens" but when we stretch out a hand to help, the weight on our friend's back is just out of reach.


What do you guys think if this?

Book Of Mormon Publishing

Ice Cream and Reviews

My fiddling lesson after work went really well. I told my teacher that I am going to play in the contest in Loveland on August 7, so now we are focusing on getting my rounds put together. I hope that a fiddling contest is different from a normal violin contest. My past is filled with stressful failures when it comes to violin, and I really don't want to get into that again.

After my lesson I went over for institute, but it was cancelled because the teacher's wife went into labor. I guess that's a good enough excuse, but I was really bummed for 2 reasons. First, there was a chance that my favorite mail man would be there. Second, I really wanted to go waterskiing this morning and I wanted to set it up with the guy who has the boat. Alas, neither happened, so I was outta luck.

I went home and finished up the invitations for my party. The preliminary guest list has almost 50 people on it. I had no idea I knew that many people in Colorado. I have to go back to the craft store tonight and get more paper for invites. I'm just going to invite everyone. That way if only half can come I'll still feel like a lot of people care. I'm tricky huh.

So I was just sitting around watching a movie and I realized that I didn't want to do that all night again. So, I decided to call up the mail man. It took me about 15 minutes of weighing the possibilities before calling him up. I've never called him before, and to be honest, he never really gave me his number. Once I was looking at his phone comparing its ghetto-ness to my own phone and I called my number. That way he'd have my number and I'd have his. Tricky, huh. Anyway, after realizing that the worst case scenario was that he would laugh in my ear and tell me that I am way too losery to hang out with I decided I could handle that, and I called him up. I was a complete idiot on the phone, but somehow invited him to come over to my house and then we'd drive to Coldstone. I've decided that I will stop giving guys a hard time for not having the guts to ask out someone that you like. That is REALLY hard!

We got ice cream and talked until 12:30 in the morning. He is a really interesting kid, and way cute, but for some reason I just wasn't getting all that excited. We sat on opposite couches and talked about his last girlfriend. In January he broke up with a girl he thought he was going to marry. The week after he did it, he started thinking that he'd made the wrong choice and the stress was so intense that he got hives. He's really interesting, but the whole conversation kind of sent red flags up all over the place. I told him about Derek and everything I learned from that relationship. It was kind of funny because after I talked about Derek, I found out that mail man and Derek had worked together two years ago on the Unity IV rocket project at BYU. Small world.

Since I made the first effort to show him that I want to be his friend by calling him up out of the blue, its his turn to return the favor. If he is interested I think I made it really clear that I am too. If he isn't, he's a retard.

I just got my mid-year review back and it looks GREAT! I think I'll probably get a pretty big step increase, so maybe I'll actaully buy that washer and dryer I've been meaning to for 3 months.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004


So I just found out that Maggie Jo has a boyfriend! I am thrilled. I just got pictures of them from my mom and he is dreamy! I can't wait to post them here so you all can see what good taste she has. I talked to her yesterday on the phone about him and she is just head over heals, GONE, for the kid! That is great becuase he sounds like a quality guy. Much better than the last one!

Some time at home

Yesterday after work I drove all around looking for the best place to have my birthday party in a couple of weeks. I've decided that I am going to have a roller skating party for my 23rd birthday. I am way excited. I think I am going to try to find some New Kids on the Block, Debbie Gibson and MC Hammer for the occasion. Maybe I'll pull out the black stretch pants and my scrunch socks. I remember having so much fun going to the rink and skating the couples skate with my crush in elementary school. Maybe I can get a repeat...that’s probably way to optimistic.

As soon as I walked into the first place my mind was a wash of memories. How come every roller skating rink smells the same? If you don't believe me, check it out, they totally do. Anyway, I really wanted to find a hardwood floor place, because that is what I skated on when I was little. Alas, I think that trend has fallen by the wayside. They are all made out of a funky plastic now. Oh well.

I talked for a while with one of the owners of one of the rinks. He was a nice old man that reminded me of my grandpa. I wondered if he had been running the rink since he was a young man and has witnessed the change of eras inside his dark, oval shaped, windowless world. That would make an interesting movie. Anyway, all the rinks I went to were pretty much the same so I am just going to pick the one that is closest to my house.

I was so proud because all I had were the addresses for the rinks. I just drove around and found them and didn't get lost or have to ask for directions once. I think I'm finally feeling at home in Colorado.

After scoping out the rinks I decided to go to the craft store to get supplies for making the invitations. I'm going to invite practically everyone I know to meet me at the rink at 7:30, but only a few to go out to dinner with me beforehand. Is that rude? I don't want to offend anyone by not inviting them to dinner, but I really HATE eating out in a large group. Everyone is just loud and you can't have a good conversation and when the bill comes there is pure chaos.

I was over at Michaels and I thought I'd stop by Eric’s and use his computer. I wanted to post my pictures from the trip to Durango, and the program that lets me do that is installed on his computer (since my company has completely banned downloading any programs). Anyway, when I got over there I tried to log onto his computer, but he changed his password. RUDE. I should totally be able to access his computer any time I feel like it (this phrase is said with total sarcasm).

So after all of these exploits I finally got home at around 6. Amy and Erik were home and sitting downstairs, so I went up to my bedroom. I ordered a pizza and ate almost the whole thing by myself while I started making the invitations. I didn't go out, I didn't call anyone, I didn't answer my phone. I just glued, ate pizza, drank my Barq's root beer, watched Tommy Boy and fell asleep on the floor of my bedroom. All in all a perfect night!

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

This Struck Close To Home, Thanks Anth!

YOU KNOW YOU GREW UP IN THE 80's or early 90's IF-
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE".
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air"
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock".
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales".
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House)
18. You wore Jordache jean jacket and you were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear...need I say more
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off...
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took Lunch Pails to school.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought Sheera and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you
exchanged friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were in-line skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down.
46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
47. You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
50. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony Tales
51. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell", the ORIGINAL class.
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THRU THE HEART.
56. You just sang those words to yourself, didn't you.
57. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
58. You cut your t-shirts in half and wore it with your homemade Levi
shorts.. (the shorter the better)
59. You remember when mullets were cool!
60. You had a mullet!
61. You still sing "We are the World"
62. You "Pegged" your pants ritually


This weekend had fireworks, both physical and emotional for me.

Friday we took off around 1 pm and headed down to Crested Butte. Actually, the town closest to our final destination is called Pitkin. The drive down was pretty interesting. I sat in the middle of the back of Colin's green monster. It was pretty cramped since I was sitting between Kristian and Colin's cousin Kierstin. Anyway, we got to Pitkin alright, but the plan was to meet up with Jaime and Alan. They were both late because Jaime thought we were meeting in Crested Butte, and traffic made a normally 6 hour drive from Los Alamos, NM a 9 hour drive for Alan. Sarah and I waited down in town for them to show up while the others went up to set up the tents and stuff. Sarah played the piano for me, and I played a guitar with only 5 strings. Anyway, everyone showed up by 9. We had hot dogs, smores and went to bed.

Saturday we woke up and Colin made breakfast burritos with spicy Italian sausage. For some reason my body thought that it needed to wage a full out assault on the sausage. I was doubled over in pain. While I was in agony, we were all sitting around the fire talking. For some reason my mind and heart were jogged to think about my Aunt Sandy who died of colon cancer 2 months ago. Remembering her was more than I could bear in front of everyone, so I took a little walk in the woods to clear my head. I really miss her and because I didn't get to go to the funeral I still haven't really dealt with her passing. I miss her so much it is unreal. Anyway, so after a while of being alone and thinking things through I came back to camp. Everyone was getting ready for a hike, so I strapped on the old hiking boots and headed off with the group. We drove up to the trail head and parked. I walked for about 5 minutes and started feeling a lovely churning in my stomach. I thought if I just got moving it would all mix up and stop hurting. Just as we got to the steep part of the ascent to the top it started feeling like someone was ripping me in half. I had to curl up and just lay in the middle of the path. Well, it was about this time that I decided the top of the mountain was not for me, and Sarah and I turned around and walked back down. We made it to the cars alright, and I sat down and let my stomach just knead itself. Well, it had been a long time, so we decided that we wouldn't wait for the others to get back to the cars, we'd just walk back down to the campsite. I should have known better than to take off with Sarah. Almost every trip I've been on with that girl she takes off and gets lost. Anyway, we took a wrong turn somewhere and our trial dropped off the wrong side of the mountain. We walked and walked and walked until Sarah noticed that the pine trees of our campsite had turned into Aspen groves, indicating we were WAY below the elevation of our campsite. There was nothing for it, but to just keep walking. Eventually, we came to the orange circle reflectors and knew we were almost back, but since we had dropped so far, I knew the hike back would include a pretty serious climb. I was tired and hungry and not really sure of the right road, so we asked these mountain hicks where we needed to go. They offered us a ride and some cherry cake, and we accepted. We got back to the campsite and Colin and his uncle had gone out and searched for us. In my brain, I like to think that Colin was worried about Sarah because he is crazy about her. It made me miss having a boyfriend who would search for me if I got lost. Or take of his snowboard and hike back up a black run to find me. When we got back I took a nap, but was awakened to a strange repetitive thumping. I shook off my grogginess and found out that Colin and Alan had decided to chop down a tree. Guys are so weird. I would never look at a big tall tree in a forest and use a dull axe to chop it down. Anyway, it took a really long time, and ended up falling the wrong direction, so they couldn't even use it for firewood. For dinner we had chili up at some friend's cabin. Everyone was raving about how it was the best chili ever and I politely remained silent, because I didn't think it was as good as my mom's. After dinner we went down to Pitkin for the town ho-down. I was disappointed because I thought it would be bluegrass and square dancing, but it was just a DJ playing bad music like a church dance. I did get to dance with Alan and Eric both, which was nice. Afterward, more smores.

Sunday morning we got up, made banana pancakes and took off for Crested Butte. This town is AMAZING. It was small and right in the mountains and just great. I could live there if there was a job for me. Anyway, we watched a parade and I caught a red plastic duck thrown by the shriners. At the end of the parade, the whole town went crazy and had a big water fight. Alan drenched me, which was exciting. I was so cold. After the parade we went on a hike. We were all wearing flip flops, so it wasn't all that intense. At one point, Jaime dropped her backpack and it almost fell into the creek. About half way through the hike we found a bench and sat down and hung out. I made a daisy chain bracelet, and the boys dropped big rocks into the creek to make splashes. Eric decided to put a bunch of rocks in the bike trail so that the bikers would have a challenge. Like the brat that i am, I moved them all back out of the way. Everyone teased me about be the Mom and ruining the fun, but I could just see someone like me who doesn’t know how to mountain bike at all get to those rocks and freak out. Anyway, I hiked on a little farther by myself to clear my head. The whole day I had been overly sarcastic and mean to almost every body. I had complained about the hike and just been really annoying. I realized that I hated that about myself and felt really embarrassed by my actions. I resolved to change and be better. Half of us hiked back to town, and the other half hiked back to the cars. I was a towner. When we got back something just wasn't right with Eric, so I tried to talk to him and see what was wrong. I ended up acting really immature and I was embarrassed again. We all split up for dinner. I went with Sarah and Colin. As I sat eating my chicken burrito, I realized that I had acted poorly and all I wanted to do was apologize to Eric. As soon as I saw him again I went up to him and said I was sorry. He was so confused and asked what he had done wrong. I told him it was nothing, and I felt like I was acting like a baby. Things got all worked out, so that was GREAT. We all sat in a field and watched the fireworks. We were right under them, and once I thought the embers were going to drop right on us. It was cool. I was sandwiched between two couples and didn't have anyone to cuddle with, but besides that it was great.

Monday we woke up, broke camp, and drove home. When I got home I took the longest, hottest shower of my life. In three days my hair had become so greasy it looked like I was developing dreads. Anyway, after the shower I settled down and was watching Finding Nemo, when my roommate Amy and her man came in. She threw something at me, and when I found it I was shocked. It was a diamond ring. Turns out he proposed on Friday and she said yes, so I am yet again living with an engaged chick. I'm so happy for her because they are a great match, but they've only been dating since April. They've also decided to get married Jan 6, which means no winter break trip for me. I guess it’s worth the sacrifice (this phrase is said reeking with sarcasm). I mentioned something about throwing her a bridal shower and then I realized that might have been presumptive. I mean, I'm pretty sure that is a maid of honor thing to do, and I'm sure she'll ask one of her sisters, or his sisters to do that. But, now that I've said it I think I'm locked into throwing it, which I'd love to do. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds. Oh well if I did.

So seeing her engaged and reading bridal magazines kind of shook me up. Now that my 23rd birthday is rapidly approaching should I be thinking about getting married? Am I a menace to the ward if I am not dating someone or constantly searching for someone else? Will I end up the cool aunt with a bunch of cats that everyone brings their kids over to see?

Thursday, July 01, 2004

My lunch date

So for the first time I went out with someone to lunch that I didn't know at all. Good thing I am such a stellar conversationalist. The only thing that was too bad was that he really didn't ask anything about me. I felt like I was the one asking all the questions. Anyway, we talked about skiing (my new passion) and rock climbing and mountain biking and riding motorcycles. I don't really do any of the last three, so I didn't really have much to say. We talked about our families and where we grew up and stuff. We started talking about music (my territory), but he never really asked what I liked. Which I thought was a little self centered on his part. He paid for my lunch (which made the whole thing feel really date-ish and made me a little uncomfortable to tell you the truth). When we got back to work he asked if we could do it again sometime or maybe something else and I said sure because he was a nice enough person and you can never have too many friends. Anyway, about an hour after I'd been back at my desk he emailed me and apologized for not asking more about the stuff I was interested in. I was impressed by that. Then, he asked if I liked to dance. This was a MAJOR selling point because I LOVE to dance and I haven't gone, or had someone to go with since Mexico in January. If he wants to take me out dancing, I'm up for it any time.


So in a preemptive strike I have decided that I, in fact, do not have a crush on the boy that I previously thought I did. After institute last night I tried to talk to him and get the same vibe I did on Monday night, but it just wasn't there, so now I'm not interested. Actually, to be truthful, I don't think he is into me, so I am deciding that I am not into him before he has the chance to make it perfectly clear that he isn't interested. This way I am saved the feelings of rejection that I will avoid at all costs right now.

One of my closest friend's grandpa died earlier this week, and she flew out this morning for the funeral. Last night Sarah and I were going to get her flowers and a card for her. We were walking into the store when, wouldn't you know it, she drove up to us. It was so random that we just happen to be going to the store at the same time. Anyway, we didn't know what to say when she asked us what we were getting, so I lied and said I needed a Pepsi (plausible since I am an addict). Anyway, we got her the flowers and a card, and showed up on her front step about 30 minutes after we saw her. It was really bizarre. We hung out at her house really late and when I realized what time it was, and how early she had to get up for her flight, and that she hadn't packed yet I decided to high tail it outta there.

Today I am going to lunch with the stranger who asked me out on Monday. I saw him earlier today in the hallway, and I tried to be nice, but he was kind of weird. I hope this isn't too uncomfortable, but I can take anything for an hour, right?

So today is one of those days that I just don't want to do anything or see anybody. I just want to go home and crawl back into my bed, watch a movie or read a book and eat really buttery popcorn. Today after work I'm planning on packing for the weekend trip, doing laundry, and cleaning my bathroom. I am SO exciting. I bet you are really glad that you read this entry today.