Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Taking my turn

I've lived a pretty charmed life.

The realization of this fact overwhelms me with gratitude down to the very core of my soul. I grew up with a idyllic childhood. I have wonderful relationships with my siblings and parents. I married an amazing man. I haven't had any serious health problems. I've never suffered crushing defeat in anything I've attempted (except making fudge...I just can't do it). I've been blessed with a brain I can use moderately well (most of the time).

But sometimes I start to worry. Is all this great stuff in my life just leading up to some kind of horrific disaster? Surely I can't be given an easy road the entire time. So when is the major life bump coming? Am I ready?

Each day that passes easily by a secret fear of the future grows a bigger. It's tucked away in the back of my mind and rarely comes the to surface to manifest itself, but it's there. And it's gnawing.

I talked to my mom, sage of the universe, about this yesterday. She also told me that she feels so lucky in her life to not have had any huge personal potholes sneak up on her. She decided years ago that her way to express gratitude for not having to personally struggle is to support those around her who do. She takes on other people's burdens and issues. She does her best to spread out the pain so that one person doesn't bear it all alone. She never says "no."

For 10 years my aunt struggled and fought against a raging case of colon cancer. During that time my mom said only one word. "Yes." Currently there are 3 twenty-somethings living at my parent's house because their roommate attempted suicide and they didn't know where else to go. When they came to my mom for help? "yes" was the answer.

Taking cue from her, as I have done my whole life, I'm going to look for more people to say "yes" to. More people whose pain I can ease. More ways I can help those around me who are suffering.

So, today, Cagequeen I say to you: Is there anything I can do for you? Any way I can numb the pain? Anything to redistribute the hurt so that it's more bearable?

I'm waiting to say "yes."


CageQueen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maggie said...

the phrase "spread the pain" sounds funny. I know what you mean, but it still sounds a bit funny. I agree. I should look, reach, stretch further myself.