Wednesday, August 25, 2004


I have a serious problem. Actually, it borders on an addiction. I've tried everything to kick the habit but it always resurfaces when I'm least expecting it. It raged most my sophomore year of college. Since then I've really been battling it, but every now and then my human frailty allows it to resurface and it seems like I never gave it up in the first place.

You ask what heinous behavior can I possibly be a victim of?

Are there children present? I don't want them shocked by the horrific details I am about to divulge.


There, I've admitted it. I hear that is the first step to correcting a personally detrimental behavioral pattern.

Last night I had to swing by the grocery store to get some more contact solution and there, gleaming from the second shelf was the blue box of joy. The first time I passed through the aisle I was strong. I only glanced at the shelf containing the boxes I knew would give me momentary pleasure followed by a prolonged guilt period. I noticed that with my Safeway card each tempting box was only 59 cents. My interest was piqued, but my will was still strong. I sped by.

Well, as you can expect, the organizers of the Safeway and I have totally different ideas as to where the contact solution would be. I, like any other rational person on the planet, would put it next to the other bathroom stuff: toothpaste, mouthwash, face cleanser. As I slowly scanned these aisles the memories of all the good times I'd shared with the contents of the blue box came drifting through by consciousness. After walking up and down all of these aisles I realized I was going to have to either ask an employee for help locating the solution or just wander up and down every aisle.

No employees in sight......Wandering commenced.

As fate would have it I was forced to return to the area of temptation. Like Eve reaching for the apple, my hand, as if powered by some external force, reached for the blue boxes. As soon as my fingers touched the friendly and all to familiar cardboard I knew I would succumb. Glancing around to make sure no one saw what I was engaged in, I feverishly put 4 boxes into the bottom of my basket and covered them with the other items I was planning on purchasing.

In the very next aisle I found the contact solution (next to the shampoo) and made my way to the check out line.

30 minutes later I was at home and reveling in my guilty culinary pleasure. I consumed the whole box and was considering cooking up a second when my roommate found me laying on the floor, mouth open and crusty orange powder clinging to the corners of my mouth. She grabbed both my shoulder and shook me until I snapped out of my carb-induced euphoria.

This morning I am still dealing with the feelings of inadequacy and shame. Why can't I be stronger and avoid doing things that only stop my progression? Why, oh Why?!?!?

No comments: